How to read this

[Lina99]

I met this guy a few months ago. It actually almost never happens to me but i felt an immediate attraction to him, especially on the level of a mental 'click'. I'm not in a directly working relation with him but we do work in the same company. I'm more educated and have a job higher in the organisation. He is a nice looking guy, but certainly not exceptional. Purely physical i'm pretty sure we're not a match made in heaven. At the moment of our first meeting I was in a relationship, he was not.

 

After we met we exchanged a few funny emails and we met again at another occasion about two weeks later. That night i really felt a very strong attraction and it really felt mutual. He did txt me after i got home (normal txt nothing special). After this meeting we started exchanging a lot of communication (like 4 emails a days, chatting). Most of them where filled with funny remarks and concerned him and relationships. As i was in a relation I never hinted anything in this fase. A few of his messages contained compliments towards me.

I noticed I was really getting attached to our little contacts and felt really strange (as i'm normally very independant and do not sit around waiting for people to contact me).

 

Again after a few weeks i met him, but as I still was in a relationship and other people where involved i kept relative distance between us. We did exchange some looks and he did come out and touch me on a few occasion (arm round shoulder, touch face etc), but not really more than other persons. I must say i'm also pretty physical person so i certainly reciprocated, but also did touch other people. Again after this occasion a txt when i got home. I was smiling all day long about our messages but began feeling really bad about this situation as i was really starting to long for him to contact me, didn't like the feeling, didn't like being unprofessional. So i just blurred out one moment that although i liked our conversations very much it needed to stop. I didn't leave much room for his input, but if he really would have wanted he could have convinced me otherwise. He did respond that this was the last thing he expected, but was pretty much in a total shock. It was not clear to me if the shock was he liked me and never expected me to like him, or just shocked in general. At the time i was not really chatty so i didn't go into his remarks. The next day i felt even worse as i felt like i had led him on for weeks and played a game so i apologied, he accepted and we agreed to forget to whole situation and get back professional.

 

We stayed out of touch for about two weeks. In this same period my relation ended (this was long coming and was not really related) but i also realised i couldn't get him out of my head (which has actually never happened to me before for such a long period). So I contacted him again and we had a really nice chat in which to my knowledge there were more than one flirty remark from both sides. In this conversation he explicitly referred to the stopping of contact as 'my decision' as if he didn't agree. Two days after he posted something on his fb site, which might have been intended for me, but i didn't react as i wasn't sure. After that he became much less available, he still replies if i contact him in a nice way and in an abundant way (ex. i sent him msg, he answ, i answ, he answ... all in very short time) but in general it's much less funny and also somewhat shorter from his side. But he almost never makes first contact. He does claim to be rather shy and has a bad relationship history.

We met again on another occasion. We talked a lot during the evening and were focused on each other for quite some time even though a lot of other people where involved. I touched him a lot during our conversations. We also danced a bit and he was quite touchy feely, but as i'm still not used to this stuff after my long relation i didn't really go into it. The days after we did again send each other messages (I must say I mostly initiated, but he replied always). I suggested jokingly he invited me, but he only replied that i should have patience and something like good things happen to people with patience. This really made me angry, because i felt i really opened myself there and i'm quite fed up with this situation which has been going on for a few months now. So i basically told him i would return to being professional and leave him be and was quite determined to do so.

After a few days he send me small text and i replied very formal. Next day again a text and I started replying again in a more non formal context. Over the next days we again exchanged some mails, than blocked me for a few days, than he sent me again a message...

 

Anyway this whole situation is making me absolutely frustrated. I just know that if i would be him and somebody who i was not interested in (even if there is a workrelation) would keep contacting me I would at least limit the number and duration of replies to a strict minimum.

Is there anyway i could be misreading his behaviour and mistake friendliness for interest? Can anybody provide a sensible explanation for him behaviour?

I am certainly not certain of my own feelings for him right now, it is quite possible this has become an ego thing and i just want him now because i feel somewhat rejected and i'm not used to it.

Any advice welcome

[Madgick1]

You keep going hot and cold on him, so he's wary. He was attracted, you led him on while in a relationship, then told him to just keep it professional, then broke up and contacted him, he tried again, you got impatient, told him you just wanted to be professional again (got formal), then relented. He told you good things come to those who wait--makes me think you are giving off pushy or desperate vibes.

 

I'm sure you don't see yourself as somebody who needs to be in a relationship, but it sort of looks like it from here. Relax and see what happens.

[Lina99]

You might be right. I actually normally never am so pushy, but i do feel pushy in this thing and i haven't got a clue why. I must admit that i haven't been alone for so long for a very long period, after previous break-ups i always got very fast together with smb else, but as this guy is now in my head i just want to get him.

[joeLove]

I think you are being too business like in your approach. Sounds to me like at your job, you give orders and people just execute them. And you seem to come across the same way in your relationships as well...

I have been in a similar situation with a lady ... didn't turn out well ...