Well... Christmas made someone mellow...

[noelle303]

xMM contacted me last night. I didn't answer, I was at dinner and my cell was off.

 

Our 6 months long affair ended this summer when I got pregnant, I'm now due in March with a little girl to be named Savannah. It was a major rollercoaster with him, he turned abusive at one point determined that I don't go through with this pregnancy.

Finally, I told him that if he leaves me alone, I won't be contacting him and he can pretend that this baby and I don't exist. It was a hard decision to make but I figured it was best in these circumstances based on his behavior.

 

That was a couple of months ago and he seemed to have accepted it. I haven't spoken to him or seen him at all. He tried contacting me once before - I didn't answer. And now yesterday.

 

I don't know whether I want to call him back. I finally managed to settle down in my new life and focus on the baby after all the turmoil this summer. He put me through hell and as some of you that remember me posting will know, said many disturbing things (ie if I don't have an abortion he will cut me open and kill the baby himself). I don't want to be put through all that again, especially as the last time I nearly lost the baby due to all the stress.

 

On the other hand, I know he's not normally like this. I know he panicked thinking about everything this pregnancy could cost him.

Maybe he settled down? Maybe he is sorry and wants to make things right?

Maybe there is a chance my daughter will get to know her biological father?

 

Do I risk it?

[jthorne]

Nope. You do not. If he's truly had a change of heart, he will find a way to get that info to you. Through an attorney, and not a voice mail. This is most likely fishing to make sure you are going to keep your end of the bargain.

 

Please, think about it. For him to have a change of heart and accept fatherhood to the baby most likely means disclosing to his wife, too. You can bet that likely didn't happen at Christmas.

[Fieldsofgold]

xMM contacted me last night. I didn't answer, I was at dinner and my cell was off.

 

Our 6 months long affair ended this summer when I got pregnant, I'm now due in March with a little girl to be named Savannah. It was a major rollercoaster with him, he turned abusive at one point determined that I don't go through with this pregnancy.

Finally, I told him that if he leaves me alone, I won't be contacting him and he can pretend that this baby and I don't exist. It was a hard decision to make but I figured it was best in these circumstances based on his behavior.

 

That was a couple of months ago and he seemed to have accepted it. I haven't spoken to him or seen him at all. He tried contacting me once before - I didn't answer. And now yesterday.

 

I don't know whether I want to call him back. I finally managed to settle down in my new life and focus on the baby after all the turmoil this summer. He put me through hell and as some of you that remember me posting will know, said many disturbing things (ie if I don't have an abortion he will cut me open and kill the baby himself). I don't want to be put through all that again, especially as the last time I nearly lost the baby due to all the stress.

 

On the other hand, I know he's not normally like this. I know he panicked thinking about everything this pregnancy could cost him.

Maybe he settled down? Maybe he is sorry and wants to make things right?

Maybe there is a chance my daughter will get to know her biological father?

 

Do I risk it?

 

ARE YOU FRIGGIN' NUTS????

 

YOU WOULD EVEN CONSIDER LETTING THIS MAN NEAR YOU, AFTER HE SAID THAT TO YOU?????

 

YOU WOULD CONSIDER LETTING THIS PSYCHO NEAR YOUR CHILD??????

 

YOU NEED TO GO TO THE POLICE A.T. O.N.C.E!!!!! I am not playing. That way, if you disappear, it will be easier for the police to justify investigating him!

 

After you go to the police, you need to go to a therapist, to find out why you would even CONSIDER letting this man near your child!

 

You clearly do not have the sense to recognize danger.

 

It is NEVER ok for someone to say that to you. IT IS NOT A NORMAL PART OF BEING STRESSED! There is no amount of "stress" that would make an emotionally healthy person say that to you!

 

Remember Laci Peterson and her unborn son, Connor.

 

Google it. Read as many details as you can. Look at the picture.

 

Psycho killers don't lure you to a place where they can cut you open and kill your baby by raging at you with a knife in their hand.

 

They set you up, by wanting to meet you so they can give baby her first Christmas present. From her daddy. Aww, now he wants to be Daddy. Or does he just want you trust him enough that he can lure you out so he can hurt you? You're just about far enough along to make it easy for him to fulfill his threat!

 

And yes, I'm trying to scare the crap out of you, because you don't have sense enough to be afraid.

 

Do you think people like this nice xMM of yours don't do things like that? Don't you realize that THESE THINGS HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE? That IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU? YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE OR SOMEHOW MAGICALLY PROTECTED FROM BEING A MURDER VICTIM.

 

Laci Peterson and her son were killed by her husband, the baby's daddy, for crying out loud.

 

I doubt that Christmas has mellowed him. More likely, he thinks you are sappy and emotional and sentimental enough to fall for it.

 

Remember Laci Peterson and Connor. If you keep messing with this man - it could be you and Savannah!

 

http://www.lacipeterson.com/

 

Please, please, please have the good judgment to be afraid of this man. Why take a chance with your baby???!!!

 

And PLEASE go to counseling so you can find out why you would even ask this question.

Edited December 26, 2010 by Fieldsofgold

[Fieldsofgold]

I came within minutes of my husband, the father of my child, killing both of us. I watched as he held a loaded and cocked gun to my baby's head, while I held her in my arms. His plan to kill both of us. When you see your baby about to die, at the hands of her father, and there is NOTHING you can do to stop him . . . We are both alive today, ONLY because of an act of G-d.

 

PLEASE DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS MAN.

[Ms. Red]

I totally agree with FOG. If I recall correctly, you were afraid to tell your father and your attorney the true nature of MM when you were advised by so many here to do so. You don't understand the enormity of the threat. Even after he threatened you, IIRC, you still went to meet him and discuss his non-relationship with the baby.

 

DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM AT ALL!

 

And, if you still haven't told your father about the MM's threat, please....please...please at least tell your attorney. He cannot disclose what you talk about with him to anyone including his friend who is a clients father.

 

I wish you well.

[whichwayisup]

Don't think about contacting him or wondering why he's reached out.

 

What he said and wanted you to do IS unforgivable, the words he used, how he treated you. Your baby and her safety have to come first now!

 

DO NOT call him back. Infact, change your cell number so he cannot reach you ever again.

[BB07]

I agree with Fields..........this man is dangerous. Those are not normal threats. Just because his world was going to be blown up does not in any way excuse the seriousness of those threats. Leave him alone Noelle, please.

[bentnotbroken]

DO NOT....DO NOT. Contact this thing. This is trouble and there is never an excuse for threatening the life of a child. Sick ba**ard!

[noelle303]

Is this poster for real or is this a joke? I find it very hard to believe that a woman would seriously consider letting a man back into her life who threatened to cut her open and remove her baby.

 

I question the authenticity of this scenario, and if this is true the OP needs some serious therapy.

 

 

Ok,calm down everyone.

 

I honestly did not take what he said as a serious threat. I don't believe he would do what he said. Yes, it's disturbing, yes it stung like a knife but the way he said it.... it wasn't an actual threat.

 

There are no excuses for what he said. Absolutely none. But I believe he said it in shock, fear and panic, wanting to make me have an abortion.

 

I can't be sure that he won't put me through the same turmoil he already had. But I can be sure he won't actually kill me. And that doesn't make me a naive little girl who needs therapy.

 

I also can't be sure that he hasn't changed his mind about the whole scenario. Do I want to gamble with the possibility of my daughter having a father?

I personally have had a horrible time making peace with the fact that she will never know him.

[noelle303]

The OP is not much better. She choose to have sex with a married man, didn't she?

 

I think you may be in the wrong section. This is The Other Woman/Man board... contact one of the mods if you are having trouble finding a preaching one.

[BB07]

The OP is not much better. She choose to have sex with a married man, didn't she?

 

Well you get the prize for the snarky mean comment for the week.

[noelle303]

 

Don't you need child support. It cost $$$$$ for diapers, food, doctor visits, child care, toys, beds, shoes, clothing, ect. Your kid will be growing up with no daddy while everyone at her school has a dad. Do you want that for your kid? Well, you choose that for your kid by sleeping with a married man, but that's a whole different story. But, now just put this secret into light by telling his wife.

 

Talk about Off Topic. *rolls eyes*

 

How I will be financially supporting my child is none of your business.

And wow... my kid won't get to know her dad? Really? Thank you for pointing it out... I didn't realize it. Maybe I can pull of the same thing Mary did? Since we're in Christmas spirits and all.

 

He chose to walk away from his kid. There is NOTHING I can do to make him take care of her. I am powerless. It has to be his choice. Even if I get a child support check from him it means nothing if he doesn't want to get to know her.

 

And ruining his family doesn't guarantee me that.

[desertIslandCactus]

Noelle, you probably feel that since you have released him financially and responsibility-wise, that he has nothing to gain by contacting you.. excepting for mellow.

 

And since he knows he's 'free', he may have mellowed - and with ego blast of having another child, And your releasing him.

 

But why not listen to the regular posters who have been with you through your whole story.

 

You have been working a job And going to school, while being pushed against a wall part of the time - by Him. And yes, it did make your pregnancy worse.

 

Now when you Finally have a chance for a breather and to know the peace of God - For the sake of you and your daughter, and while finally getting to the point of relaxing while waiting for her birth in March, he starts in.

 

Stay peaceful Noelle. You still have three months. On behalf of everything that is good: yourself, the baby, your family, an authoritive attorney - leave him be. He's not empty, he has a family.

 

Savanah (beautiful name) will have plenty of opportunity to know him, when she understands about fathers. A newborn baby will not be aware. And He doesn't need to be involved.

[noelle303]

It was your choice to sleep with a married man and bring your child into a fatherless "family," didn't you?

 

 

 

 

Too late for that saint type of thinking, don't you think?

 

1) It was not a planned pregnancy.

2) It takes two to make a baby. Or did you miss that biology lesson?

Married or not, he chose not to take care of his kid. I never wanted to bring a child in to a fatherless family. However, when a father does not want to participate, what other choice do I have?

3) Again, what are you doing on this board? Did you forget to read the name of it?

[noelle303]

Noelle, you probably feel that since you have released him financially and responsibility-wise, that he has nothing to gain by contacting you.. excepting for mellow.

 

And since he knows he's 'free', he may have mellowed - and with ego blast of having another child, And your releasing him.

 

But why not listen to the regular posters who have been with you through your whole story.

 

You have been working a job And going to school, while being pushed against a wall part of the time - by Him. And yes, it did make your pregnancy worse.

 

Now when you Finally have a chance for a breather and to know the peace of God - For the sake of you and your daughter, and while finally getting to the point of relaxing while waiting for her birth in March, he starts in.

 

Stay peaceful Noelle. You still have three months. On behalf of everything that is good: yourself, the baby, your family, an authoritive attorney - leave him be. He's not empty, he has a family.

 

Savanah (beautiful name) will have plenty of opportunity to know him, when she understands about fathers. A newborn baby will not be aware. And He doesn't need to be involved.

 

Thank you. I actually think you're right... If he is serious about getting to know her, then there is time for that, right?

[desertIslandCactus]

It was your choice to sleep with a married man and bring your child into a fatherless "family," didn't you?

 

 

Too late for that saint type of thinking, don't you think?

 

Noelle has chosen the unselfish path, and to love, welcome, embrace Her daughter. A so-called "fatherless family" ? ha Sounds as if you are one of those demonic 'planners'.

 

"Birds2010", you are only worth responding to - because there could be other devouring birds such as you, out there as well.

[desertIslandCactus]

Noelle has chosen the unselfish path, and to love, welcome, embrace Her daughter. A so-called "fatherless family" ? ha Sounds as if you are one of those demonic 'planners'.

 

"Birds2010", you are only worth responding to - because there could be other devouring birds such as you, out there as well.

 

 

A vulcher, predatory.

[desertIslandCactus]

Thank you. I actually think you're right... If he is serious about getting to know her, then there is time for that, right?

 

Absolutely Noelle. Take it one step at a time. Right now, stay with the santuary of your family, while giving yourself and your daughter - the most deserved Peace.

[noelle303]

Wasn't it a planned affair and planned sex with a married man who has a wife and kids at home? Didn't you choose to do that all on your own?

 

You got us. This forum is full of people who willfully had affairs with married men/women. Therefore the title ''The Other Man/Woman''. If you can't accept that and feel the need to make a remark about this as a reply then I will ask for the third time... What are you doing here?

[desertIslandCactus]

Wasn't it a planned affair and planned sex with a married man who has a wife and kids at home? Didn't you choose to do that all on your own?

 

He was a MM whose semen actually impregnated the OW (imagine that).

 

But Since it happened, Noelle has acted in a responsible manner, He has acted in a threatening, irrational, domineering, irresponsible manner.

 

And You - are out of line.

[BB07]

Wasn't it a planned affair and planned sex with a married man who has a wife and kids at home? Didn't you choose to do that all on your own?

 

I'm sure she gets what you keep pointing out (in a cold, cruel way.) Bully comes to mind.

 

You come across as quite the bully, and perhaps it makes you feel better or more superior to dig into her. If you want respect here, you won't get it by bullying someone.

So why don't you back up and stop projecting your anger at someone who is trying to make the best out of the position she has found herself in.

[noelle303]

The word "found" is very passive in nature if used in the above sentence. If you use the word "chose," I would agree.

 

YES! I had sex with a married man! Multiple times! I think there's no one in this thread who isn't aware of the fact!

 

Now what is your point again? You do not have one.

If you don't have anything constructive to say, other than come in here and lecture me on something that has already happened then please leave. You are a bully.

We get it ok? You are an upstanding citizen of this country. I am a homewrecking tart. We get it, now please get off my thread?

[redcurls]

YES! I had sex with a married man! Multiple times! I think there's no one in this thread who isn't aware of the fact!

 

Now what is your point again? You do not have one.

If you don't have anything constructive to say, other than come in here and lecture me on something that has already happened then please leave. You are a bully.

We get it ok? You are an upstanding citizen of this country. I am a homewrecking tart. We get it, now please get off my thread?

 

Noelle, please don't get so upset. Birds is obviously in a LOT of pain, as most of us are. These situations are never easy, and affect all parties.

 

Just ignore the posts that are hurting you, and read/respond to the ones that are helping you.

 

Although I agre that being aggressive is definetly not helpful, projections and venting of frustrations are natural and can be expected. Just filter through what isn't helping or supportive to you and stay calm for the sake of the precious little treasure you are carrying.

[pureinheart]

xMM contacted me last night. I didn't answer, I was at dinner and my cell was off.

 

Our 6 months long affair ended this summer when I got pregnant, I'm now due in March with a little girl to be named Savannah. It was a major rollercoaster with him, he turned abusive at one point determined that I don't go through with this pregnancy.

Finally, I told him that if he leaves me alone, I won't be contacting him and he can pretend that this baby and I don't exist. It was a hard decision to make but I figured it was best in these circumstances based on his behavior.

 

That was a couple of months ago and he seemed to have accepted it. I haven't spoken to him or seen him at all. He tried contacting me once before - I didn't answer. And now yesterday.

 

I don't know whether I want to call him back. I finally managed to settle down in my new life and focus on the baby after all the turmoil this summer. He put me through hell and as some of you that remember me posting will know, said many disturbing things (ie if I don't have an abortion he will cut me open and kill the baby himself). I don't want to be put through all that again, especially as the last time I nearly lost the baby due to all the stress.

 

On the other hand, I know he's not normally like this. I know he panicked thinking about everything this pregnancy could cost him.

Maybe he settled down? Maybe he is sorry and wants to make things right?

Maybe there is a chance my daughter will get to know her biological father?

 

Do I risk it?

 

Personally, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. Yes, people do say things they might not mean in a moment of rage, although you were not the "culprit" of his rage...that was his own situation and doing.

 

I'm not sure quite how to explain this to get across the point that even if it was "a moment" of rage...it still happened...and this is him and cannot be trusted in your situation.

 

Case in point, my sitch...

 

Ex DM at one point blamed me for the break up of his family. During his D he was extremely abusive.

 

Now even though he is not "as" abusive, the fact is, is that he was and I can't trust that he won't be that way again, especially seeing that he has been abusive all of his life.

 

We don't just have a moment of time of a lack of proper judgement towards the treatment of another...there IS a reason for it...it is either the real person coming out or the real feelings.

 

Deep down I could feel that he blamed me...he had to have someone to blame (FTR, I had nothing to do with the break up of his M).

 

What you experienced was the real deal..can you imagine what his W goes through?

[pureinheart]

YES! I had sex with a married man! Multiple times! I think there's no one in this thread who isn't aware of the fact!

 

Now what is your point again? You do not have one.

If you don't have anything constructive to say, other than come in here and lecture me on something that has already happened then please leave. You are a bully.

We get it ok? You are an upstanding citizen of this country. I am a homewrecking tart. We get it, now please get off my thread?

 

Birds posts remind me of several posters...I am glad others are speaking up...I hope it continues...

 

BTW, you are not a homewrecking tart...your a human being.