Fern Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Went out for a few pints on Xmas Eve and who was in the bar but my Ex. He came over to chat to me when I was outside having a cigarette on my own. He was pretty drunk. Told me he missed me, hated the way he'd made me feel when we split, still dreams about me all the time, never wanted to hurt me - all that guilt sh*t. We ended up sitting together having drinks all night then walked home together. I told him I just needed a bit more time to get indifferent to seeing him with his new girl and I was sure we'd be able to be friends in the future. I THINK I was fairly cool and didn't make a fool of myself. I was probably a bit TOO honest about how I felt. At the time it felt good to get some stuff of my chest. We chatted about loads of stuff, he even confided in me about some problems with the NG's ex causing hassle about his relationship with their kid and how he's worried it'll eventually split them up. He kept telling me how much he missed me (boy needs a friend hi) how he hates the coldness between us. He came back to mine for a drink, then I threw him out when he started falling asleep on my sofa. He picked me up like he used to and laughed that he'd forgotten how tiny I was (NG would make three of me, bet he can't pick her up) and hugged me for AGES and really tightly at the front door. I think there was a wee moment where he contemplated kissing me but I moved my face away - I'm not a COMPLETE masochist. Or maybe I imagined it. I dunno, I'm not even sure anymore of anything. Anyway, I just kept telling him he needed to give me more time to become indifferent and that I just needed to get past the blow to my ego of being replaced overnight. He was being so sweet and lovely and just like he was at his very best when we were together. It was BRILLIANT and it was TERRIBLE and I know he just used the night to ease his own feelings of guilt over what happened and I set myself back about a month, if not more, in feeling better. *sigh* ARGHHHHH! I've gone straight back to NC. All 2 days of it. And not that he's tried to get in contact either and I hate myself for starting to miss him again all over again. And I hate that he probably feels better now after that night and I feel worse. I'm not quite back to square one, but I am starting to wish for eventual reconciliation. Which is so stupid. I wouldn't have taken him back if you'd PAID me, a week ago. He's so over me romantically and sexually. He just misses his friend. That's all I ever be to him again is a friend. That blows. ARGH! Why am I thinking like this? He's was a SH*T boyfriend. But what if he's not a sh*t boyfriend to her? This kills me.
melenkurion Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 He sounds like he is being a sh*t boyfriend to her to me. I'm sorry Fern, I guess this is the last thing you need. You are doing really well getting him out of your system, this is just a setback. You're not back to square one, even if you feel like you are.
LifeIsGreat Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 This set back should be kept clear in your mind so the next time you want to call him, or run into him, you will not engage him at all. Treat him like he's a child molesting serial killer. You see him at a bar, you run for the door. You see him on the street you go the other way. The only way you will heal is to have NOTHING to do with him. I'm always amazed how we pine for the ones who didn't treat us right. But I finally got over that because I realized that if I'm even considering taking someone like that back, it speaks volumes at to MY emotional health.
Graceful Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 (edited) I've gone straight back to NC. All 2 days of it. And not that he's tried to get in contact either and I hate myself for starting to miss him again all over again. And I hate that he probably feels better now after that night and I feel worse. I'm not quite back to square one, but I am starting to wish for eventual reconciliation. Which is so stupid. Ok, what's done is done. Back to NC, you know what you have to do. You got caught up in the moment, you were taken by surprise, you acted the same way most people would act, and you were testing the waters, maybe, b/c you really have not seen him or spoken to him for a few months. But he does not feel differently. He does not feel ... anything! Please remember that, this is a person who takes advantage of people, and who kept you hanging on to a dead ended r/l for many years, and gave you what in return? mmmmmm. Oh yes, I think I recall from a previous post. Gave you nothing. That's why you are still trying to give him a new blank check to write out to you, b/c he owes you EVERYTHING and gave you NOTHING. So now you are romanticizing that he suddenly has something to give you. ? You think he changed in a few months, when all he has done is just switched partners? I wouldn't have taken him back if you'd PAID me, a week ago. He's so over me romantically and sexually. He just misses his friend. That's all I ever be to him again is a friend. That blows. ARGH! Why am I thinking like this? He's was a SH*T boyfriend. But what if he's not a sh*t boyfriend to her? This kills me.ummm, so you think spending time with you, making a pass at you, pouring his heart out to you makes him appear to be a good boyfriend to his new GF? Please read that back, and if it doesn't make you laugh, then I'll try again ... he was practically cheating on her when he spent time with you the other night. And he won't tell her he saw you. So he went home and lied about where he had been and who he was with. Does that make it more clear whether or not he is being a $hit BF or not? Stand strong. You're lonely, he put a balm on your ego the other night, but that was all. And you're right, he's got some guilt, and he played on your emotions to assuage it. He's a selfish person, and sounds like a lost soul who preys on women who feel sorry for him. Doesn't do a thing to improve himself or make changes. The new GF sounds like she's giving him a hard time, so he's sniffing around to see if he can sponge off of you again. And did I understand correctly that she has a child with her ex that is causing a rift of some sort b/c she still has to deal with her ex? RUN FERN RUN. Edited December 26, 2010 by Graceful
tobydog Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 The positive thing is that his *new* relationship is obviously on the rocks! Be glad about that.....x
vandelay Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 He's was a SH*T boyfriend. But what if he's not a sh*t boyfriend to her? Um, well he spent Xmas eve with YOU, so yeah, he's a sh*t boyfriend to HER as well! He is going to have hell to pay when she finds out where he was on Xmas eve!!!
Author Fern Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Hey everyone, thanks for your replies. You're right. All of you. That really helped to read. I'm so glad this place exists - I don't know what I'd do without you all. I've spent far too much of today in tears over this idiot. It's like the last 2 months didn't even happen. *sigh* The weird thing is, the night it happened, Xmas Eve, I was actually HAPPY. So stupid. Back to NC. Tomorrow I'll feel better again. Thanks again, everyone. Onwards and upwards!
Author Fern Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Um, well he spent Xmas eve with YOU, so yeah, he's a sh*t boyfriend to HER as well! He is going to have hell to pay when she finds out where he was on Xmas eve!!! She was with the father of her child (it's their first Xmas split so I assume they were trying to not ruin it for the kid) and it's not like we PLANNED to meet up, but yeah - it was weird the way he was with me. He could have said his piece and left it at that, but he was glued to me all night. Sitting with his knees touching mine, buying me drinks, didn't speak to anyone else blah de blah. And when we were gathering up our stuff to go home, we were getting some funny looks (mostly mutual friends looking at me worried I'd lost my mind) and he laughed and said 'Aw man, everyone's going to be gossiping about us now because we're leaving together. Let them talk!' Not too respectful of his new girl. I don't know that they're on the rocks or anything - he sounded worried when he talked about how her exes behaviour was straining the relationship. He knows he 'doesn't have the draw that her child does' - that's a quote. If it comes to it he knows she'll dump him if things get untenable with the ex. But he also didn't talk like he wanted back together with me. He ACTED a little bit like he wanted back - he WAS flirty, I'm not kidding myself about that, I'm nearly sure. But yeah, that makes me feel a bit better - that his behaviour with me last night is already showing how he'll behave towards her. Exactly like he behaved with me. Thanks folks. I feel calmer...
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