Nightsky Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Using the word victim as a thought ending analysis is common. Life isn’t always so simple. I agree that no one should take blame for any ones actions but their own. Like I wrote two wrongs don’t make a right. If you are abusive for example it doesn’t absolve you from your actions if your spouse then cheats, but the same is true for the spouse.
Author PlayfulRuddy Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Using the word victim as a thought ending analysis is common. Life isn’t always so simple. I agree that no one should take blame for any ones actions but their own. Like I wrote two wrongs don’t make a right. If you are abusive for example it doesn’t absolve you from your actions if your spouse then cheats, but the same is true for the spouse.I agreed but the WS is the one doing all the apologizing while the BS who contributed part of the downfall doesn't say anything or starts acting distant/indifference. This is wrong as both should be working on their parts they messed up (if they want to save the relationship) and not have one do practically 100% of the work. The term for this is called ''working as a team''. Okay so I have never been cheated on but there are certain things you can understand without the need for first hand experience.
112233 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Using the word victim as a thought ending analysis is common. Life isn’t always so simple. I agree that no one should take blame for any ones actions but their own. Like I wrote two wrongs don’t make a right. If you are abusive for example it doesn’t absolve you from your actions if your spouse then cheats, but the same is true for the spouse. I agree completely. The thing I disagree with is pinning the blame on the cheater for other relationship issues. They should get blame for cheating, but maybe not for other things that contribute to the problems the couple has.
bentnotbroken Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 If I was trolling wouldn't my thread by way longer and there would be a background at least? I don't even bother going on public forum writing about my life and previous relationships. Why? It's pointless and I can solve it on my own. I'm was only wondering in general if a BS is always the ''poor, defendless victim''. I believe in judging other by applying the ''case by case'' method. There are cases where the BS were unbearable, obnoxious (even verbally or emotionally abusive) people in the first place and yet they see nothing wrong with their own abysmal behaviors. I agree with the case by case method. So in your case...you are a head case. Anybody who would say something as vile as a person deserves to have their lives, their children's lives and exposure to crazy people and diseases is a HEAD CASE.
dont-be-naive Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Okay so I would never do that but aren't there times in which the BS isn't completely a victim afterall as portraited? why? looking for an excuse? If cheating on my part took place (I will not, but I'm making up an if situation only) no you aren't, you just said you have thought about it with your current GF. and you would if the perfect opportunity arose. I wouldn't really see her as the ''poor victim''. of course you wouldn't. because you don't want to believe that betrayal by you isn't all that bad. you wouldn't see her as the "poor victim" because your character is such that you lack empathy for anyone you do wrong.
donnamaybe Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 No it doesn't but why would the cheating spouse be held responsible for the complete downfall of the relationship?The cheater isn't being held responsible for the "complete downfall of the relationship." They are being held responsible for CHEATING. End the relationship INSTEAD of cheating.
112233 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 The cheater isn't being held responsible for the "complete downfall of the relationship." They are being held responsible for CHEATING. End the relationship INSTEAD of cheating. I agree with all but the last, I'd say that some people have recovered from cheating and fixed the relationship, so it's probably case by case which is least harmful to the couple overall.
donnamaybe Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 If anyone thinks their R is SO horrible that they just don't care to the point where they consciously think "Well, this R is so awful, I'm gonna cheat and it's HER/HIS fault (the BS)," then that is obviously a R worth ending. AND - if the BS has a partner with THAT sort of mindset, they should RUN away from that R as there need to be two adults involved.
112233 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 If anyone thinks their R is SO horrible that they just don't care to the point where they consciously think "Well, this R is so awful, I'm gonna cheat and it's HER/HIS fault (the BS)," then that is obviously a R worth ending. Maybe, but I don't think someone having an affair is in the general case is an automatic reason to end every relationship.
Author PlayfulRuddy Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) why? looking for an excuse?I'm never looking for an excuse and don't really care about people's internal problems. All I stated was that some BS aren't very nice people in general. They can be terrible spouses, neglectful, untrustworthy friends/relatives, etc. I think when it comes to cheating, the whole relationship and the two people involved should be examined rather than being completely on the BS's side unless the WS was selfish from the beginning. no you aren't, you just said you have thought about it with your current GF. and you would if the perfect opportunity arose.I don't think you should be assuming things not in the post. I always had many opportunities to cheat on a past relationship and my now current ex GF (yes I broke it off today) but never did it. I can be a jerk sometimes and clearly no one is perfect but there are two things even I would never do to a woman. I would never cheat nor hit a woman. of course you wouldn't. because you don't want to believe that betrayal by you isn't all that bad. you wouldn't see her as the "poor victim" because your character is such that you lack empathy for anyone you do wrong.You're just bias and going for the BS's side completely as suspected. It's not about empathy but about seeing the picture as a whole not just a section of it. My ex GF was unbearable and the most obnoxious, sensitive (a total cry baby) woman I've ever been with. Honestly I don't feel bad about dumping her and would not if I were to cheat on her (in my imagination as again, I never would in real life). Edited December 28, 2010 by PlayfulRuddy
Woman In Blue Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) My ex GF was unbearable and the most obnoxious, sensitive (a total cry baby) woman I've ever been with. Hun, that's because she was a teenage GIRL. She wasn't a "woman." That's how teenage GIRLS behave - 99% of them are little drama queens. I really wish you'd stop trying to compare teenage "relationsips" to adult ones. You're trying to compare apples to oranges based on your extremely limited experience, and it ain't working. We GET that you wouldn't cheat. Good for you. It's not rocket science to know the difference between right and wrong. But to make all kinds of ridiculous assumptions about betrayed spouses - and assuming to know how they all think or behave - is just silly. And lastly, on page #1 after I replied to your original post, your replied with: It is understandable and I wasn't saying they don't have to go through hell with this but not all cases are like this. There are some BS who aren't completely innocent people. I think you should read the words correctly before assuming I'm an ignorant in regards to cheating. I READ your words correctly. I love it when a know-it-all teenager comes on here thinking he's got all the answers, I really do. It's actually quite comical. I NEVER addressed whether BS's are "innocent" or not in my reply to you, so you're barking up the wrong tree trying to tell me to "read your words correctly." You'd made an uneducated statement, "In the end it's always the WS doing most of the work while the BS can sit back and do nothing but cry about being a victim when some aren't." THAT'S the part I was addressing. Hmmm. I guess maybe it's YOU who needs to "read my words correctly." Jeez, isn't there a Nickelodeon teenage angst board this kid can post on? Edited December 28, 2010 by Woman In Blue
dont-be-naive Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 You're just bias and going for the BS's side completely as suspected. i always say that if a relationship is bad, 2 people are more than likely to blame, not just one. but when one cheats, they are to blame for their own lousy character, not the person they cheated on. It's not about empathy but about seeing the picture as a whole not just a section of it. My ex GF was unbearable and the most obnoxious, sensitive (a total cry baby) woman I've ever been with. so when a relationship is like that, you leave, not cheat (and I know you said you didn't and wouldn't) but once someone cheats, they try to use their partner's behavior as an excuse. its an excuse to leave, not cheat. Once one cheats, no matter what they think is a good excuse, then they become the piece of crap. Honestly I don't feel bad about dumping her as you shouldn't, its the proper avenue to take. and would not if I were to cheat on her then that says alot about YOUR character, whether you actually would IRL or not. but I digress, if I were to cheat on someone, which I wouldn't, I'd feel bad about myself. I would have stooped to a POS level.
Author PlayfulRuddy Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Hun, that's because she was a teenage GIRL. She wasn't a "woman." That's how teenage GIRLS behave - 99% of them are little drama queens.One of my exes (way before her who is now my Ex as well too) was different but I think the relationship would have lasted if it weren't for her moving away. Long distance wasn't the same anymore and we moved on with our lives. This was about 3 years ago but it's the only one that seemed perfect. There was no tantrums, cries on every single argument, jealousy or none of those ''drama queen behaviors'' so no not every girl is like that.
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