Do Women Have a Mind of Their Own? Why Always Ask for Consensus on Ever Step to Make?

[musemaj11]

I notice that the biggest difference between men and women in seeking advices is that men want inputs on the general strategy while women want advices on every little tactic.

 

Its like they dont have a mind of their own and afraid to do anything unless someone else gives a go ahead.

 

Instead of being such a drone, why not look back on your own experience and learn from it or experiment in a new situation?

 

My aunt just asked my sister if it would be ok if she sent a txt wishing him 'Merry Christmas' to a guy she went on a date with yesterday. I mean SERIOUSLY?

Edited December 26, 2010 by musemaj11

[GooseChaser]

Maybe men and women have different ways of approaching problems, which come with their own strengths and weaknesses. Does everything have to turn into man versus woman here? Really?

[jad0re]

Biologically, women are more prone to focus on details. (It makes us better multi-taskers, capable of watching the baby and cooking the dinner and reading the paper and listening to you/men). Also, (again, biologically) women are more interested in narratives, while men emphasize the final product (strategy). This also explains why women like to talk to each other about their concerns, problems and anxieties while men are quick to offer solutions.

[Tweed]

Biologically, women are more prone to focus on details. (It makes us better multi-taskers, capable of watching the baby and cooking the dinner and reading the paper and listening to you/men). Also, (again, biologically) women are more interested in narratives, while men emphasize the final product (strategy). This also explains why women like to talk to each other about their concerns, problems and anxieties while men are quick to offer solutions.

 

Really? In my most recent encounter with the female species, it seems quite opposite.

[Knittress]

Why do you assume it's less intelligent to make decisions based on as much data and perspectives as possible? Also, I don't think you're really listening. When your aunt-or-whoever asks another woman about some guy she isn't operating on a purely literal level, she's mostly saying "I value your opinion and presence in my life, I want to share with you, I want to enjoy a moment of camraderie, etc etc."

[TaraMaiden]

hang on, I'm just going to ask my partner if I should respond to this or not.....

[paddington bear]

Women don't understand men. So many little things can make a man run a mile, like texting too soon or coming on too strong. That instead of following their instincts "I want to text him, so I will" they ask others. Others say "don't do it, comes off as needy and desperate".

 

And in all honesty, when you're in that infatuated stage with some guy, you are not thinking rationally. Any time I've relied on my own instincts I've messed things up big time, whereas friends have seen what was going on, stuff I was blind to.

 

Having said that. I made a conscious decision not to ask any friends for advice about a guy I've met and liked in the initial stages. What happens is, everyone wants to give advice. And you suddenly get all these conflicting messsages "oh it's obvious he's crazy about you" to "sounds like he sees you as a friend" and end up totally confused, instead of realising that friends can't really know what is going on in reality, they don't know him, they weren't there, they are only hear your side of the story filtered through your point of view.

[Woggle]

People in general can't think for themselves anymore. It manifests in different ways for the genders sometimes but in general we live in a society full of lemmings.

[Pyro]

hang on, I'm just going to ask my partner if I should respond to this or not.....

 

:lmao:

 

Some of us just have better things to worry about.

[musemaj11]

Women don't understand men. So many little things can make a man run a mile, like texting too soon or coming on too strong. That instead of following their instincts "I want to text him, so I will" they ask others. Others say "don't do it, comes off as needy and desperate".

 

And in all honesty, when you're in that infatuated stage with some guy, you are not thinking rationally. Any time I've relied on my own instincts I've messed things up big time, whereas friends have seen what was going on, stuff I was blind to.

 

Having said that. I made a conscious decision not to ask any friends for advice about a guy I've met and liked in the initial stages. What happens is, everyone wants to give advice. And you suddenly get all these conflicting messsages "oh it's obvious he's crazy about you" to "sounds like he sees you as a friend" and end up totally confused, instead of realising that friends can't really know what is going on in reality, they don't know him, they weren't there, they are only hear your side of the story filtered through your point of view.

Exactly, asking advices on every little step especially from people who never even met the person you are talking about is just foolish.

 

People generally have good instincts in dealing with situations in their lives. The problem is that many people refuse to follow their instincts and choose to follow their desire instead.

[january2010]

Wow, from one datapoint to an entire gender.

[catgotyourtongue]

As we all know, women connect, converse, chat, etc way way more than men. Women share, question, explore...la la la. Men do less of that. So it's not surprising to me that women, and especially women on a forum, would ask about the smallest stuff on earth. I think that younger women and women just re entering the dating scene after a long marriage, divorce etc have a harder time adjusting to the new way of dating which often includes social media and dating sites. For 20-30 yr old, perhaps not an issue.

 

For someone who got married at 25 and was married 20 yrs, they may have some need to ask 10 questions...and want all this input.

 

i rarely if ever ask my friends what to do, i am above age 40 and in the end i will do what i need, want, feel is best, not what my friends, sister etc say. So while i feel comfortable coming to a forum and asking a question about men in general, usally abt trust or communication, it feels helpful to get other thoughts, especially from men. i have no need to do small talk about 'should i text him, should I kiss him or not, blah blah blah'. It's not me, but others need or want a lot of support.

 

Some people are bad (lots of peeps) at dating or have low self esteem, or feel totally wonked out abt dating, so they will ask abt the smallest, miniscule stuff. I do think people need to learn how to address, approach men, women, dating and grow up and take responsibility, risk, etc..and many have not developed healthy skills in this area, or a forum like this would not exist and be bountiful.

 

But at some age and stage, we do need to grow up and learn to rely on ourselves and our judgement. Many have had bad dating experience, almost all of us have, and we get scared and bent and seem to want all this input and guidance. THERAPY, awesome idea for a a lot of people.

 

I try to save my questions for larger scale questions -not abt "should I wear a blue shirt or green, and if he kisses me, what does that mean". Just not for me, but keep in mind, this forum is all ages, stages. I think it would be a lot more helpful to have the forum in age range groups, so that those of us with a lot of dating and life experience, could focus more on our type stuff, and those in college or high school, may need completely different support and posts....just sayn'. Nothing against those new to dating...or first time daters, its just hard to cover such a wide range in a forum. especially in this category "dating", its very broad...When an 18 yr posts abt nerves abt his first date, etc. while I can help and respond, it just is so far from where I am, and in their defense, they perhaps dont want to respond or cant, to something I may post abt a larger, deeper scale issues with dating in your 40's. BUT YES girls need more input then men, lol.....we are chatttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

my 2 cents for what its worth.

 

I notice that the biggest difference between men and women in seeking advices is that men want inputs on the general strategy while women want advices on every little tactic.

 

Its like they dont have a mind of their own and afraid to do anything unless someone else gives a go ahead.

 

Instead of being such a drone, why not look back on your own experience and learn from it or experiment in a new situation?

 

My aunt just asked my sister if it would be ok if she sent a txt wishing him 'Merry Christmas' to a guy she went on a date with yesterday. I mean SERIOUSLY?

[zengirl]

I notice that the biggest difference between men and women in seeking advices is that men want inputs on the general strategy while women want advices on every little tactic.

 

Its like they dont have a mind of their own and afraid to do anything unless someone else gives a go ahead.

 

Instead of being such a drone, why not look back on your own experience and learn from it or experiment in a new situation?

 

My aunt just asked my sister if it would be ok if she sent a txt wishing him 'Merry Christmas' to a guy she went on a date with yesterday. I mean SERIOUSLY?

 

First of all, asking advice is not the same as 'Not having a mind of your own.' Being paralyzed without someone to tell you what to do would be more equal with that idea. . . asking advice is nothing of the sort.

 

Second of all, I will go for Douglas Adams on this one:

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." That's a criticism of the common inability to learn from others, which I agree with Mr. Adams, seems remarkably uncommon! Why on Earth would you suggest learning from someone else -- thus saving yourself time, trouble, and being terribly efficient -- would be a bad thing? There's no reason your aunt can't use her own experience AND others' advice and experience to move forward in any situation.

 

Third of all, as others have said, this is part of how women communicate and bond.

 

Fourth of all, I've seen men ask similar questions, and had them ask me. I think women might use each other as sounding boards more often, but plenty of men have asked me for advice in my life. And I know for a fact that my boyfriend likes it when we problem solve together---not because we're co-dependent, but because we both value teamwork, and he's on my team.

 

If your aunt was hysterical over it or hewing and hawing over it for hours or something, I can see that being a bit silly. It's a minor point---a text. (Though if that's the case, all women certainly don't behave that way, or even most.) But other than that, why do you care?

 

Why do you assume it's less intelligent to make decisions based on as much data and perspectives as possible? Also, I don't think you're really listening. When your aunt-or-whoever asks another woman about some guy she isn't operating on a purely literal level, she's mostly saying "I value your opinion and presence in my life, I want to share with you, I want to enjoy a moment of camraderie, etc etc."

 

Probably exactly what was going on. Just some girl talk.

[lso802]

It's their business.

[denise_xo]

I don't know, mm. In my home, it's my H who asks for advice on every little detail and me who does most of the the overall strategizing. So I'd be a bit careful with generalising based on your aunt.

[daphne]

hang on, I'm just going to ask my partner if I should respond to this or not.....

 

:lmao:

 

Gotta love the ridiculous stretches to bash women.

Edited December 26, 2010 by daphne

[dreamingoftigers]

I notice that the biggest difference between men and women in seeking advices is that men want inputs on the general strategy while women want advices on every little tactic.

 

Its like they dont have a mind of their own and afraid to do anything unless someone else gives a go ahead.

 

Instead of being such a drone, why not look back on your own experience and learn from it or experiment in a new situation?

 

My aunt just asked my sister if it would be ok if she sent a txt wishing him 'Merry Christmas' to a guy she went on a date with yesterday. I mean SERIOUSLY?

 

Wow, nice way to open a dialogue, let's start with the shaming and go from there...

 

First of all, I personally don't take this post too seriously as a quest to uncover any gender truth when it comes from someone who mentioned that "women are like dogs" in another post.

 

Secondly, women are more relationship-oriented and will often ask opinions of other women for two reasons 1) to gain some perspective she may not have thought of to make the relationship the best it can be or as smooth as possible. 2) It is a form of bonding between women, it shows that they respect one another. The one asking shows that they value the input, the one sharing shows that they value the one asking enough to give input. Sharing and asking is how we bond, take it or leave it.

 

Third, early stages of a relationship are when the guy is most likely to exit stage left for stupid little reasons that sometimes don't make any sense. Often, if you outwait that stage the guy trusts you enough to realize that you aren't a stalker/psycho and that you can be trusted to reach out without giving the wrong vibe. The little things count more in the early stages, so input on the details is more important for women and often another woman can say "oh I dated a moron in 2008 who bolted after I texted him Merry Christmas because it was 'too soon.' He's married now though."

 

I kind of wonder what it is that you have to offer that is so high-standard that to you women are like dogs, need to take care of their home perfect (or else they are not "good"), and that you consider them not to have minds of their own if they ask advice on some little things. What is it that you offer that makes the average girl of so little worth?

[musemaj11]

As we all know, women connect, converse, chat, etc way way more than men. Women share, question, explore...la la la. Men do less of that. So it's not surprising to me that women, and especially women on a forum, would ask about the smallest stuff on earth. I think that younger women and women just re entering the dating scene after a long marriage, divorce etc have a harder time adjusting to the new way of dating which often includes social media and dating sites. For 20-30 yr old, perhaps not an issue.

 

For someone who got married at 25 and was married 20 yrs, they may have some need to ask 10 questions...and want all this input.

 

i rarely if ever ask my friends what to do, i am above age 40 and in the end i will do what i need, want, feel is best, not what my friends, sister etc say. So while i feel comfortable coming to a forum and asking a question about men in general, usally abt trust or communication, it feels helpful to get other thoughts, especially from men. i have no need to do small talk about 'should i text him, should I kiss him or not, blah blah blah'. It's not me, but others need or want a lot of support.

 

Some people are bad (lots of peeps) at dating or have low self esteem, or feel totally wonked out abt dating, so they will ask abt the smallest, miniscule stuff. I do think people need to learn how to address, approach men, women, dating and grow up and take responsibility, risk, etc..and many have not developed healthy skills in this area, or a forum like this would not exist and be bountiful.

 

But at some age and stage, we do need to grow up and learn to rely on ourselves and our judgement. Many have had bad dating experience, almost all of us have, and we get scared and bent and seem to want all this input and guidance. THERAPY, awesome idea for a a lot of people.

 

I try to save my questions for larger scale questions -not abt "should I wear a blue shirt or green, and if he kisses me, what does that mean". Just not for me, but keep in mind, this forum is all ages, stages. I think it would be a lot more helpful to have the forum in age range groups, so that those of us with a lot of dating and life experience, could focus more on our type stuff, and those in college or high school, may need completely different support and posts....just sayn'. Nothing against those new to dating...or first time daters, its just hard to cover such a wide range in a forum. especially in this category "dating", its very broad...When an 18 yr posts abt nerves abt his first date, etc. while I can help and respond, it just is so far from where I am, and in their defense, they perhaps dont want to respond or cant, to something I may post abt a larger, deeper scale issues with dating in your 40's. BUT YES girls need more input then men, lol.....we are chatttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

my 2 cents for what its worth.

Ya well, I guess you are right.

 

My aunt is 40 but she is indeed rather inexperienced compared to women her age.

 

All Im saying is that dating is about dealing with people and since every individual can be different, its just stupid to ask other people's opinions who are individuals with different thinking patterns themselves and who often dont know directly the person that the advice seeker is dealing with. You need to actually meet someone in person to get a feel of his/her character in order to decide which strategy to use toward that person.

[MorningCoffee]

hang on, i'm just going to ask my partner if i should respond to this or not.....

.........:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

[musemaj11]

Third, early stages of a relationship are when the guy is most likely to exit stage left for stupid little reasons that sometimes don't make any sense. Often, if you outwait that stage the guy trusts you enough to realize that you aren't a stalker/psycho and that you can be trusted to reach out without giving the wrong vibe. The little things count more in the early stages, so input on the details is more important for women and often another woman can say "oh I dated a moron in 2008 who bolted after I texted him Merry Christmas because it was 'too soon.' He's married now though."

Sending a two sentence message wishing 'Merry Xmas' is not gonna make any guy or any person run. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure this out.

 

The problem is often that women send an essay instead of a concise message and this is what makes a guy thinks you are a psycho.

[dreamingoftigers]

Sending a two sentence message wishing 'Merry Xmas' is not gonna make any guy or any person run. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure this out.

 

The problem is often that women send an essay instead of a concise message and this is what makes a guy thinks you are a psycho.

 

Figuring out what men deems appropriate from many men's up and down expectations of women takes at least a team of specialists.

 

Agree that the second sentence makes sense and that the first one may only be true 80% of the time, but only when the Moon is passing through Aries.