KarmasTestDummy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 An OW's continuance depends on her minimizing his marriage and wife. Actually this personal opinion started long before I ever contemplated sleeping with a mm. Probably when I was the BS...and discovered how easily marriage can be disregarded. Surprisingly there is no magical barriers around the walls of matrimony. No secret code or key needed to penetrate the union. Nope just a piece of paper...fits in my shredder like any other 8.5 X 11.
desertIslandCactus Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Actually this personal opinion started long before I ever contemplated sleeping with a mm. Probably when I was the BS...and discovered how easily marriage can be disregarded. Surprisingly there is no magical barriers around the walls of matrimony. No secret code or key needed to penetrate the union. Nope just a piece of paper...fits in my shredder like any other 8.5 X 11. Yours and my marriage disappointments should not have been a flag to be with another's husband - or to be in their M, or to disregard marriage.
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 GIven your take on marriage, you should be pretty happy as the OW, expecting nothing more then right? I sure don't expect marriage. Not even sure I'd be up for being Remarried. Our discussions around the future center around the freedom to date and spend as much time together as we want.
donnamaybe Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I'll answer. This happened to me. I tried and tried to make him love me again, became sexually competitive in the bedroom, and finally learned something about love and M. You cannot make somebody love you. After that, the paper means nothing. An honest chance? Many times 'an honest chance' has been deliberated by one or both MPs for years. When it's over it's over. You just have to learn when to walk away and still carry some sense of dignity about it. There's no such thing as "an honest" anything when the WS is lying to the BS, claiming nothing is going on while, the entire time, he/she is f'ing around behind his/her spouse's back.
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Yours and my marriage disappointments should not have been a flag to be with another's husband - or to be in their M, or to disregard marriage. It wasn't actually. I swore I would never ever after all that. It wasn't my permission pass. I just didn't ever anticipate that I could actually care about a mm. Rather I expected I'd be completely disgusted but it didn't work that way.
Spark1111 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I'll answer. This happened to me. I tried and tried to make him love me again, became sexually competitive in the bedroom, and finally learned something about love and M. You cannot make somebody love you. After that, the paper means nothing. An honest chance? Many times 'an honest chance' has been deliberated by one or both MPs for years. When it's over it's over. You just have to learn when to walk away and still carry some sense of dignity about it. Could not agree more.....as long as we are both on the same page. Which may be another thread
desertIslandCactus Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 It wasn't actually. I swore I would never ever after all that. It wasn't my permission pass. I just didn't ever anticipate that I could actually care about a mm. Rather I expected I'd be completely disgusted but it didn't work that way. But there are inner warnings when proceding from friendship to ER .. then PR.
Author starlight102 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 It wasn't actually. I swore I would never ever after all that. It wasn't my permission pass. I just didn't ever anticipate that I could actually care about a mm. Rather I expected I'd be completely disgusted but it didn't work that way. I completely agree with you. My former husband cheated on me, and I never thought in a million years that I would ever be the OW. I didn't look for or expect to meet and fall in love with a MM nor for him to fall in love with me either.
Author starlight102 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Could not agree more.....as long as we are both on the same page. Which may be another thread Your statement is so true. I learned that lesson as well, and it wasn't an easy lesson to learn.
bentnotbroken Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I completely agree with you. My former husband cheated on me, and I never thought in a million years that I would ever be the OW. I didn't look for or expect to meet and fall in love with a MM nor for him to fall in love with me either. Most people don't look to step in a pile of doggy doo either, but when they do they usually try to get it off their foot. Most folks don't want to walk around with mess attached firmly to them.
desertIslandCactus Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 OW gave me couple hummers for XMas. Just reminded me of an earlier post of your wife being physically incapacitated - thus your A. Would that be her mouth - as well? Has she an opening on her somewhere, that wouldn't be incapacitated - physically?
White Flower Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Thank you WF! Well said. If I was lucky enough to get my MM to myself and later he was to realize that what we have isn't what he wants, then I'd be the first to tell him to go and find what he wants. I don't want someone to be with me who doesn't truly want to be with me. Exactly. Genuine love means more to me than obligated love, if you can even call the second kind love at all.
White Flower Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 There's no such thing as "an honest" anything when the WS is lying to the BS, claiming nothing is going on while, the entire time, he/she is f'ing around behind his/her spouse's back. And what about the dishonesty a BS plays in his/her mind when burying their head in the sand. The signs were always there and they chose to ignore them. I don't know what is worse, being lied to by another or lying to yourself.
Author starlight102 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Exactly. Genuine love means more to me than obligated love, if you can even call the second kind love at all. I completely agree with you.
half_ofa_heart Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Exactly. Genuine love means more to me than obligated love, if you can even call the second kind love at all. I was having a hard time finding my words but you found them for me. Once again, Thank you WF!
White Flower Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 I was having a hard time finding my words but you found them for me. Once again, Thank you WF!You are quite welcome.
White Flower Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Welcome back FWIW, give Tony some credit. All he needs do is be tipped off (and surely that has been done by the OW Squad), and then check IP addresses. If it were J-J or anyone else banned, he would ban them again. Show some respect to Tony and to the new posters. I for one think LS would be a boring place if all the newbies were scared away and all the old ones banned. Then you will be happy to have an OW Support Board especially designed for...BS??? I suppose a new site with serious qualification standards would be a good idea.
jthorne Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 FWIW, give Tony some credit. All he needs do is be tipped off (and surely that has been done by the OW Squad), and then check IP addresses. If it were J-J or anyone else banned, he would ban them again. Show some respect to Tony and to the new posters. I for one think LS would be a boring place if all the newbies were scared away and all the old ones banned. Then you will be happy to have an OW Support Board especially designed for...BS??? I suppose a new site with serious qualification standards would be a good idea. She said she HAD been reading and just now decided to post. Welcome back would be appropriate. And welcome back to you as well, White Flower.
White Flower Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 She said she HAD been reading and just now decided to post. Welcome back would be appropriate. And welcome back to you as well, White Flower. Thank you for the welcome back. Having reading and now just deciding to post is not mutually exclusive to returning in another form. It is usually a lurker who decides to come out and post after 'getting to know' everyone and their back stories. I know I didn't want to post when I first came on to this site because I just didn't know anyone.
donnamaybe Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 And what about the dishonesty a BS plays in his/her mind when burying their head in the sand. The signs were always there and they chose to ignore them. I don't know what is worse, being lied to by another or lying to yourself. Seriously? I expect better of you than to state unequivocally that ALL BS's know an A is going on, or that NO WS's are GREAT liars and manipulators that they couldn't mislead their spouse (or their AP, for that matter) for literally YEARS. And, on the flipside, are you then saying that, for those OW/OM who are thrown under the bus, THEY were lying to THEMSELVES?
donnamaybe Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 FWIW, give Tony some credit. All he needs do is be tipped off (and surely that has been done by the OW Squad), and then check IP addresses. If it were J-J or anyone else banned, he would ban them again. Show some respect to Tony and to the new posters. Anyone can go through a proxy server and hide their IP address.
SidLyon Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 FWIW, give Tony some credit. All he needs do is be tipped off (and surely that has been done by the OW Squad), and then check IP addresses. If it were J-J or anyone else banned, he would ban them again. Show some respect to Tony and to the new posters. I for one think LS would be a boring place if all the newbies were scared away and all the old ones banned. Then you will be happy to have an OW Support Board especially designed for...BS??? I suppose a new site with serious qualification standards would be a good idea. Interesting that neither the OP (Starlight) nor Anna Kay have posted for a few days now. Possibly Tony is on the ball about this, as Whiteflower suggests. Perhaps the OP could return to let us know she is not just a hit and run poster.
Author starlight102 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Interesting that neither the OP (Starlight) nor Anna Kay have posted for a few days now. Possibly Tony is on the ball about this, as Whiteflower suggests. Perhaps the OP could return to let us know she is not just a hit and run poster. I'm still here and have been reading what's been written. I felt no reason to post to numerous responses as I didn't agree with them and feel the posters are rude. For those who were welcoming and kind to me, thank you. I very much appreciate it.
SidLyon Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Interesting that neither the OP (Starlight) nor Anna Kay have posted for a few days now. Possibly Tony is on the ball about this, as Whiteflower suggests. Perhaps the OP could return to let us know she is not just a hit and run poster. Tried to edit to add: PS I haven't hit the alert button about this because I personally don't mind people having as many usernames as they want, and it's not up to me to enforce the rules.
SidLyon Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'm still here and have been reading what's been written. I felt no reason to post to numerous responses as I didn't agree with them and feel the posters are rude. For those who were welcoming and kind to me, thank you. I very much appreciate it. OK thanks. Sorry for my part in the t/j. It is OK to respond to those who disagree with you. But of course you are entitled to ignore anyone who is offensive, abusive or insulting. Or are you suggesting that everyone who disagrees with you is rude?
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