Author starlight102 Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 Welcome back Thanks so much for the welcome. I appreciate it.
jthorne Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Did you manage to have a Happy Christmas despite your love spending his time with his wife and family? I hope so. Everyone should have a Happy Christmas!
Author starlight102 Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 Did you manage to have a Happy Christmas despite your love spending his time with his wife and family? I hope so. Everyone should have a Happy Christmas! I did....thank you. I hope you did as well. We did text each other throughout the day and spoke in the evening. It was wonderful to hear his voice.
NoIDidn't Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 But what if the guy doesn't have children? I ask because I remember when I was dating my not-married-but-otherwise-committed-guy and we were separated over the holidays. Actually, he didn't spend the holidays with her either. He went to his home country. I got a couple of phone calls and a lame letter. On his return, he stopped in her city. He didn't stop to see me, even though he disembarked from the plane in my city. They didn't have kids at that time. Weren't even engaged yet. And my holiday that year sucked because I didn't even get the opportunity to really even speak to the man I loved at the time. This was the cause of our second break up.
White Flower Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) Well, aren't we sweet and welcoming to the newcomer. Hi Star, I hope you can stand up to the UGs. They're really very harmless, just put them on ignore. Anyway, back on topic. Yes, we shared gifts and a nice shortened holiday together. I used to look at it as quality, not quantity. But like you I wanted more and began challenging him to live a more authentic life, even if that meant losing him. I wanted him to be either working on his M with her, or leave her and continue to work on our R. We broke up but still speak, and are still very much in love with each other. BTW, it has been 5 years. I'll tell you that as your love grows, and it will, your desire to have him to yourself will only get stronger. I would suggest getting out now if you can, cut your losses, or hang in there with the knowledge that the ride will get khaotic at times, mixed in with the sweetest memories at other times. Best of luck, and a very warm welcome. ps Many, many OW happy happy Christmases;) Edited December 28, 2010 by White Flower
share&care Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Nice to see some people haven't changed both good n bad. Hey WF, been a while whats a UG. star, I've never had an affair but I know people who have. They ones I know tend to enjoy what they have when they have it but get down when there apart. I hope you figure it out.
desertIslandCactus Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Oops, sorry! UG=uninvited guest. This has got to be the funniest thing, when you think about it. While this is definitely the forum for the OM/OW... still Who is the uninvited guest in the Marriage ...
SidLyon Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 This has got to be the funniest thing, when you think about it. While this is definitely the forum for the OM/OW... still Who is the uninvited guest in the Marriage ... I've heard it said many a time, that Americans don't do irony. Perhaps it's a cultural thing... [Not wanting to start a cultural war or anything...]
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 This has got to be the funniest thing, when you think about it. While this is definitely the forum for the OM/OW... still Who is the uninvited guest in the Marriage ... Oh I was very much invited. Contrary to bs belief the OW is rarely the aggressor. The ring is typically one's first inclination to say no repeatedly until the invitation has been shoved down their throats enough (sugar coated of course) so much that all they can think to say is yes.
bentnotbroken Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Oh I was very much invited. Contrary to bs belief the OW is rarely the aggressor. The ring is typically one's first inclination to say no repeatedly until the invitation has been shoved down their throats enough (sugar coated of course) so much that all they can think to say is yes. I am not a FBS who believes the OW was the aggressor. I was told by him and her that he did the pursuing and I believe them....But nobody can shove anything down my throat I don't want to swallow...:rolleyes:and I don't believe AP are any different. If you don't want it you put a stop to it.
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I am not a FBS who believes the OW was the aggressor. I was told by him and her that he did the pursuing and I believe them....But nobody can shove anything down my throat I don't want to swallow...:rolleyes:and I don't believe AP are any different. If you don't want it you put a stop to it. It's kinda like what I say to my 5 year old son when he doesn't want to try a new food, "come on honey, try it, you might like it" and 9 times out of 10 he'll swallow even though he said no. Guess I just tasted it and liked it.
bentnotbroken Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 It's kinda like what I say to my 5 year old son when he doesn't want to try a new food, "come on honey, try it, you might like it" and 9 times out of 10 he'll swallow even though he said no. Guess I just tasted it and liked it. No doubt about that. Wonder what you would say to that same sweet 5 year old if it happens to him in the future. His world being torn apart with the help of an outside source. I fear this for my own children when I see that so many who could care less if they do it to another's family. I pray that God keeps this from your child and mine.
desertIslandCactus Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Oh I was very much invited. Contrary to bs belief the OW is rarely the aggressor. The ring is typically one's first inclination to say no repeatedly until the invitation has been shoved down their throats enough (sugar coated of course) so much that all they can think to say is yes. I am not speaking of the perversion of the MM.. I was referring to the uninvited guest in the Marriage. While it appears obvious of the lack of respect for the institution by overstepping it, or invading it - still the Marriage itself exists.
desertIslandCactus Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 It's kinda like what I say to my 5 year old son when he doesn't want to try a new food, "come on honey, try it, you might like it" and 9 times out of 10 he'll swallow even though he said no. Guess I just tasted it and liked it. We're not talking about ingesting spinach here, we're speaking of participating in an act that will forever change the lives of all involved in a negative manner.. As if you were encouraging your 5 yr old to do drugs with you.
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 No doubt about that. Wonder what you would say to that same sweet 5 year old if it happens to him in the future. His world being torn apart with the help of an outside source. I fear this for my own children when I see that so many who could care less if they do it to another's family. I pray that God keeps this from your child and mine. Seeing as how he is mentally handicapped, my first instinct would be to say what a blessing to have loved and been loved, but my second would be to remind him that nobody's character or fate should be defined by other peoples actions and that he is the only one with enough strength and ability to accept whatever is thrown his way and overcome it stronger and better off like he always has and will. We are all susceptible to life's cruelnesses and I would never shield my kids into believing they are immune, but one can only hope for the best.
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I am not speaking of the perversion of the MM.. I was referring to the uninvited guest in the Marriage. While it appears obvious of the lack of respect for the institution by overstepping it, or invading it - still the Marriage itself exists. Here's my take on marriage. It's not some holy sacred institution. It's an action. It results in a piece of paper, a legally binding but dissolvable contract that prevents one from marrying someone else simultaneously. The only thing sacred is the love shared and the way they treat eachother. Once that's gone, I don't feel any remorse for for invading a piece of paper.
jthorne Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Oh I was very much invited. Contrary to bs belief the OW is rarely the aggressor. The ring is typically one's first inclination to say no repeatedly until the invitation has been shoved down their throats enough (sugar coated of course) so much that all they can think to say is yes.What exactly is it you claim you had "shoved" down your throat? Whatever it is, that's pretty messed up. And let's not even start with all the talk that OW have free will.
jthorne Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Here's my take on marriage. It's not some holy sacred institution. It's an action. It results in a piece of paper, a legally binding but dissolvable contract that prevents one from marrying someone else simultaneously. The only thing sacred is the love shared and the way they treat eachother. Once that's gone, I don't feel any remorse for for invading a piece of paper.GIven your take on marriage, you should be pretty happy as the OW, expecting nothing more then right?
bentnotbroken Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Seeing as how he is mentally handicapped, my first instinct would be to say what a blessing to have loved and been loved, but my second would be to remind him that nobody's character or fate should be defined by other peoples actions and that he is the only one with enough strength and ability to accept whatever is thrown his way and overcome it stronger and better off like he always has and will. We are all susceptible to life's cruelnesses and I would never shield my kids into believing they are immune, but one can only hope for the best. Wow:eek: Life's cruelness. Then I will pray that your child and mine never come into contact with people who are okay with choosing to be cruel to others on a regular basis. Praying for them not to have to deal with such mess isn't the same as shielding them. I don't have a choice but to teach my children about people who will intentionally hurt them...there are so many. :sick:
desertIslandCactus Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Here's my take on marriage. It's not some holy sacred institution. It's an action. It results in a piece of paper, a legally binding but dissolvable contract that prevents one from marrying someone else simultaneously. The only thing sacred is the love shared and the way they treat eachother. Once that's gone, I don't feel any remorse for for invading a piece of paper. An OW's continuance depends on her minimizing his marriage and wife.
donnamaybe Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 An OW's continuance depends on her minimizing his marriage and wife. Oh, yeah. And I wonder how well it would go over with the OW if her MM continually broke promises he made to HER? Oh, wait. He probably already does that!
Spark1111 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Here's my take on marriage. It's not some holy sacred institution. It's an action. It results in a piece of paper, a legally binding but dissolvable contract that prevents one from marrying someone else simultaneously. The only thing sacred is the love shared and the way they treat eachother. Once that's gone, I don't feel any remorse for for invading a piece of paper. Unless, it is your piece of paper being invaded? Let's say he leaves his wife and you two eventually marry. Wouldn't you have hope in your heart that no one invades your piece of paper? Until the two of you had an honest chance to fix what was broken? And if you couldn't, to mutually dissolve it?
White Flower Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Unless, it is your piece of paper being invaded? Let's say he leaves his wife and you two eventually marry. Wouldn't you have hope in your heart that no one invades your piece of paper? Until the two of you had an honest chance to fix what was broken? And if you couldn't, to mutually dissolve it? I'll answer. This happened to me. I tried and tried to make him love me again, became sexually competitive in the bedroom, and finally learned something about love and M. You cannot make somebody love you. After that, the paper means nothing. An honest chance? Many times 'an honest chance' has been deliberated by one or both MPs for years. When it's over it's over. You just have to learn when to walk away and still carry some sense of dignity about it.
half_ofa_heart Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I'll answer. This happened to me. I tried and tried to make him love me again, became sexually competitive in the bedroom, and finally learned something about love and M. You cannot make somebody love you. After that, the paper means nothing. An honest chance? Many times 'an honest chance' has been deliberated by one or both MPs for years. When it's over it's over. You just have to learn when to walk away and still carry some sense of dignity about it. Thank you WF! Well said. If I was lucky enough to get my MM to myself and later he was to realize that what we have isn't what he wants, then I'd be the first to tell him to go and find what he wants. I don't want someone to be with me who doesn't truly want to be with me.
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