starlight102 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Hi, I've been reading on this forum for months now and wanted to say hello. I've been involved with a MM for a while. This is a difficult time of year with the holidays with being apart from the man you love. We were able to see each other, exchange gifts, etc., but boy did I want to spend more time with him. Just curious as to how you celebrate the holiday with your MM. Do you see each other, exchange gifts, and if you do exchange gifts, what type of gifts do you get each other? Starlight
BB07 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Who are you really starlight?? Wouldn't be someone we are already acquainted with, now would you?
SidLyon Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Who are you really starlight?? Wouldn't be someone we are already acquainted with, now would you? Probably a new moniker.
awkward Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Sorry that the holidays are difficult. Hopefully, next year you will find happiness.
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Hi, I've been reading on this forum for months now and wanted to say hello. I've been involved with a MM for a while. This is a difficult time of year with the holidays with being apart from the man you love. We were able to see each other, exchange gifts, etc., but boy did I want to spend more time with him. Just curious as to how you celebrate the holiday with your MM. Do you see each other, exchange gifts, and if you do exchange gifts, what type of gifts do you get each other? Starlight While I'm generally a-okay with the communication restrictions that come with his time at home, I will be completely honest these last two days have been a nightmare. He stopped by yesterday morning for all of 10 minutes maybe while he was out running errands, and he gave me full disclosure he would be busy and alot going on with 4 kids at Christmas and family coming over. While it's perfectly logical and understandable my heart has been a little broken. This was our first major holiday together and it would have been nice to have been treated a little more significant. We did not do gifts. Not like he can take something home from me and he doesn't need unexplainable expenses or receipts. So I did all I could, spent time with my kids, friends and family and tried not thinking about their perfect little home and family and fake happiness for all the family coming over. Bleck!!
cuddlekeeper Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Hi, I've been reading on this forum for months now and wanted to say hello. I've been involved with a MM for a while. This is a difficult time of year with the holidays with being apart from the man you love. We were able to see each other, exchange gifts, etc., but boy did I want to spend more time with him. Just curious as to how you celebrate the holiday with your MM. Do you see each other, exchange gifts, and if you do exchange gifts, what type of gifts do you get each other? Starlight This is my fourth Christmas with mm. Yes we see each other...On Christmas Day the first two years but I prefer Christmas Eve now as we get more time together. We exchange presents - I usually buy him little things that I know that he likes and something big that we can both use or like this year some specialist beer so he can use it at my house. He pays cash for everything he ever buys so there is no problems with receipts. I have lots of family and some good friends so it is not really a problem with him not being around on Christmas Day. He gets to spend time with his kids and grandchildren. I am sorry you are feeling this way, Im sure deep down that we all feel like there are people we wish we could be with at this time of the year. We just have to make the best of what we do have and be thankful for it. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas....
bentnotbroken Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 While I'm generally a-okay with the communication restrictions that come with his time at home, I will be completely honest these last two days have been a nightmare. He stopped by yesterday morning for all of 10 minutes maybe while he was out running errands, and he gave me full disclosure he would be busy and alot going on with 4 kids at Christmas and family coming over. While it's perfectly logical and understandable my heart has been a little broken. This was our first major holiday together and it would have been nice to have been treated a little more significant. We did not do gifts. Not like he can take something home from me and he doesn't need unexplainable expenses or receipts. So I did all I could, spent time with my kids, friends and family and tried not thinking about their perfect little home and family and fake happiness for all the family coming over. Bleck!! You were treated the way you fell in the order of importance. Isn't that what you expected...to be treated?
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 You were treated the way you fell in the order of importance. Isn't that what you expected...to be treated? Yes in fact it is. Do I have to like it? Nope. Do I realize it and was expecting it? Yes. Doesn't mean I'm any less human and was slightly hopeful for more or that I Appropriately anticipated the sadness that came with it.
bentnotbroken Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Yes in fact it is. Do I have to like it? Nope. Do I realize it and was expecting it? Yes. Doesn't mean I'm any less human and was slightly hopeful for more or that I Appropriately anticipated the sadness that came with it. I don't think you have to like...but I find it odd that you would be hopeful about a hopeless...umm situation.
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I don't think you have to like...but I find it odd that you would be hopeful about a hopeless...umm situation. It doesn't have to be all about the fact he is married. He has four children. They take priority at Christmas regardless as would mine and my plans with the family. He could just as easily be a single father and we could have had to spend the holidays apart. This isn't my post and I do not wish to thread jack any further. Sorry Starlight.
noregretsmyass Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Hi Starlight.... Wanted to say hello back, as I am new here too. I've been reading tons for a few months as well, but do not post really. The holidays have been rough for me. I have not spoke to MM since before Thanksgiving. I broke it off before then knowing that the holiday season would be so hard for me to handle the way things were going. Although, I do have the occassional thought that he is with his wife, sharing the holidays as normal, I'm glad that I've stuck with no contact. It has not been easy. I've been reading here everyday hoping someone would post something to make me feel better. I hope that exchanging gifts brought you some happiness and that you are getting what you want out of your R with MM. I know I was not getting what I wanted, and that is why I'm leaving it be. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, back to the grind tomorrow for me. Just have to make it one more week and then I'll feel I have a true new start for 2011.
noregretsmyass Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Oh and one more thing..... The snide comments made in this thread are the reason that I, as a new person to this forum, do not post here often, and choose to just read instead. We are all here for a reason and I just dont see the point of some of the nonsense that goes on here.
bentnotbroken Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 It doesn't have to be all about the fact he is married. He has four children. They take priority at Christmas regardless as would mine and my plans with the family. He could just as easily be a single father and we could have had to spend the holidays apart. This isn't my post and I do not wish to thread jack any further. Sorry Starlight. Completely understand.
Author starlight102 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Sorry that the holidays are difficult. Hopefully, next year you will find happiness. Thank you for your well wishes. I appreciate it. I hope you, too, are doing good.
Author starlight102 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 While I'm generally a-okay with the communication restrictions that come with his time at home, I will be completely honest these last two days have been a nightmare. He stopped by yesterday morning for all of 10 minutes maybe while he was out running errands, and he gave me full disclosure he would be busy and alot going on with 4 kids at Christmas and family coming over. While it's perfectly logical and understandable my heart has been a little broken. This was our first major holiday together and it would have been nice to have been treated a little more significant. We did not do gifts. Not like he can take something home from me and he doesn't need unexplainable expenses or receipts. So I did all I could, spent time with my kids, friends and family and tried not thinking about their perfect little home and family and fake happiness for all the family coming over. Bleck!! I understand I do, and I'm sorry that you are sad as well. It isn't easy. My MM has his own account that she doesn't have access too, which is why he's able to spend money without being questioned. I give him things that he can explain that he could have purchased himself. Of course, your heart feels broken. It's difficult not to be able to share the day with the man you love.
Author starlight102 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Im sure deep down that we all feel like there are people we wish we could be with at this time of the year. We just have to make the best of what we do have and be thankful for it. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.... This is very true!! I am grateful that he came into my life. Yes, it's hard and of course, I want to be with him. When the time is right, it will happen. Everything happens for a reason. I believe that. Never in a million years did I think we would fall in love, but we did. We've been through a lot together. I know that some here will find something to say about that statement, but frankly I don't care what the "well meaning" posters have to say.
Author starlight102 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 It doesn't have to be all about the fact he is married. He has four children. They take priority at Christmas regardless as would mine and my plans with the family. He could just as easily be a single father and we could have had to spend the holidays apart. This isn't my post and I do not wish to thread jack any further. Sorry Starlight. No need to apologize.....I completely understand, and I agree with you. The fact is when there are children involved, they need to and SHOULD come first.
Author starlight102 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Oh and one more thing..... The snide comments made in this thread are the reason that I, as a new person to this forum, do not post here often, and choose to just read instead. We are all here for a reason and I just dont see the point of some of the nonsense that goes on here. Thank you for understanding, and I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through and are going through some difficult times. I know it's not easy for you. Honestly, that's one reason I didnt register or post here before, but continually reading the comments made here, I felt I had to say something. Many here claim to give words of wisdom, but let's be honest, this is an open forum (anyone can post). OK, I get the fact that the word "bitter" isn't liked much here. I'll respect that; however, the tone of the posts are written in a tone of anger, not concern. This forum is supposed to be here to support other OW/OM.
Author starlight102 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Sorry, but it is quite obvious that your situation sucks because he has four children and is married. You really contort things around to make yourself accepting of the situation. Which isn't bad, I did the same thing. I don't think she's contorting anything. What I do think is that it's a fact that her MM has four children that really do have to come first. Yes, he's there with his W on Christmas, as was mine. We did stay in contact throughout the day while we were both at our respective families. It's difficult as you know but I think that when there is communication between two people it makes things easier.
Spices Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 (edited) I received a drunken phone call from him 1:30 in the morning. Edited December 26, 2010 by Spices
BB07 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 As I said, I ended things. I had an awesome christmas day, but I received a drunken phone call from him 1:30 in the morning... "Babyyy, I love and miss you soooo much! I wish I could have spent today with you. It would have been so much better. I thought about you all day long... why do I always think about you so much? I wanna see you so bad. UGHHH. I miss you and the way you are. I love you, I love you, I love youuuu! ect, ect..." what do you say to that? Depends on what you want.........if you want out of it, you say nothing. If you want to stay in it and remain the OW and all that goes with it, then you engage. Words said...........don't mean a damn thing. They are just words.
Author starlight102 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 As I said, I ended things. I had an awesome christmas day, but I received a drunken phone call from him 1:30 in the morning... "Babyyy, I love and miss you soooo much! I wish I could have spent today with you. It would have been so much better. I thought about you all day long... why do I always think about you so much? I wanna see you so bad. UGHHH. I miss you and the way you are. I love you, I love you, I love youuuu! ect, ect..." what do you say to that? I'm so glad you had such a fantastic day! Good for you!! I know......that doesn't make it easy hearing him say those things. What's more difficult is when you still have strong feelings for MM. Hearing that makes it all the harder. Are you going to respond to his message?
Spices Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I answered the call half asleep, and kind of just said things like "Yeah? Oh? Aww. You're crazy. Cool." He kept asking me if I loved him... over and over again. I didn't want to give him an answer. Yeah, the feelings are still there, but theres really no reason why I need or should reaffirm them to him. The last thing I want to do is let him think I'm attached or willing to still drag this thing along.
Author starlight102 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 I answered the call half asleep, and kind of just said things like "Yeah? Oh? Aww. You're crazy. Cool." He kept asking me if I loved him... over and over again. I didn't want to give him an answer. Yeah, the feelings are still there, but theres really no reason why I need or should reaffirm them to him. The last thing I want to do is let him think I'm attached or willing to still drag this thing along. I understand.......then my advice would be to do whatever makes YOU feel good. That's what truly matters.....your happiness, your piece of mind - whether that's with him or without him. Do what you feel is best.
Recommended Posts