kgregory922 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 My husband and I have been married for 1 1/2 yrs. We separated in the beginning of Dec. We have remained in close contact, talking/texting and seeing each other about once a week. There are many reasons why we separated. Neither of us has been unfaithful. Both of us thought we were headed for divorce and the thought killed me and him. To make a long story short, he had no childhood and had to grow up quick, he married at 19 and they stayed together for 19 yrs, he says he stayed 7 yrs too long. After his divorce his daughter lived with him, 6 months later his new girlfriend moved in, that relationship lasted 3 yrs and again, he stayed too long. He was also in the Air Force for 20 yrs. Now, he is 42, we have been married for 1 1/2 yrs. The past few months have been very rocky, he feels like he is trapped, he feels he needs his own space etc ..We wer headed for divorce and I was crushed, we were both hurting with pain. Him because he does love me but has this desire to be alone, work through issues that he has been carrying around his entire life. Me because I love my husband, we are each others best friend and I could'nt comprehend why 2 people that have such an intense love should be apart. So, my life the past couple months has been a rollercoaster of emotions, good days and bad. Today we had a very long talk... WE both decided that we will remain together but living apart. We are married, this is not an open relationship, we will not be dating other people etc .. He needs his own space and alone time. I am happy with this. This was a great Christmas present to me. So, my question is.. Has anyone had experience with this type of lifestyle? Any suggestions? We will be living 2 hrs apart and the plan is to see each other on weekends. Any advice would be great. Kim Since being apart we have realized how much we truly do love each other. We are best friends and we enjoy each others company, we have a great time together.
fltc Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 My SO and I have been together in a comitted relationship for over 30 years. I have my house, she has hers. We get along very well because of this, if we had lived together the relationship would probably lasted only a couple of months.
riley707 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I think its the perfect solution. He has his space and you get to continue your co-dependence with an unavailable male. Its your lack of self esteem that allows you to tolerate this. He's a mess too. Has he ever read a book on divorce? He needs to exit the divorce and re-find himself. This takes 2-3 years. And if he doesn't do this, then he is just signing up the next woman for the same issues he had that are still unresolved from the first marriage. Tell him you want to separate and see other guys. You don't have to see them, just tell him that you are. This will make him rubber band back to you, you'll probably see him for a few weeks straight and then once he knows he has you again he'll start up with the same old garbage. Separate and tell him he needs go into counseling and find out why he thinks its ok to not work on himself. Why does he think he is unworthy of helping himself? By not getting through his issues, he is hurting you, himself and God knows who else that is around him,
Lovinhimlovinher Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 (edited) I have never lived that way nor do I want to. However, if it turned out that I had to live separately from my H then it would have to be next door or right across the street. I personally would not want him 2 HOURS away. That's just me though and most people don't agree with me or my lifestyle so I am not judging anyone. I hope everything works out well for you. If you continue to talk about what you are feeling then you will be good. Edited January 1, 2011 by Lovinhimlovinher
aerogurl87 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 After being in a LDR for 11 months with my boyfriend being over 2,000 miles away there is no way in hell I could be in a marriage like that. If he felts so trapped why didn't he wait to get married so he could live with having his "own space"? Why did he let his ex girlfriend move in so soon? I hate to say it but your husband has issues and needs to go see a counselor to help get them resolved.
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