leftyright1 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Been dating a woman for just about 2 months. Im 34, shes 27. We met through a friend and seemed to hit it off well. We've had fun dates, romantic dates, and each met each others groups of friends through events or nights out. We've also stayed over each others places twice - although nothing farther than 2nd base happened either time. I like her, feel like we have a connection, and would like things to progress -- but worry about why every time we kiss and start to become more intimate, she seems to back away and seem aloof. I've called her out on it and she cited that she needs more time to get comfortable usually and that she likes me too. I can understand that, but 2 months? I am starting to think she likes me taking her out and having some attention, but isn't looking for the closeness I am looking for in a relationship - a closeness that happens both mentally and with physical intimacy in my mind. Am I overreacting?
Stonewall Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 (edited) Been dating a woman for just about 2 months. Im 34, shes 27. We met through a friend and seemed to hit it off well. We've had fun dates, romantic dates, and each met each others groups of friends through events or nights out. We've also stayed over each others places twice - although nothing farther than 2nd base happened either time. I like her, feel like we have a connection, and would like things to progress -- but worry about why every time we kiss and start to become more intimate, she seems to back away and seem aloof. I've called her out on it and she cited that she needs more time to get comfortable usually and that she likes me too. I can understand that, but 2 months? I am starting to think she likes me taking her out and having some attention, but isn't looking for the closeness I am looking for in a relationship - a closeness that happens both mentally and with physical intimacy in my mind. Am I overreacting? Everyone is different... Some people really want to connect with people before they have sex. Just because she doesn't hop in bed with you after 2 months doesn't mean that she's not interested in that type if relationship. Disclaimer* inexperienced at sex but I have talked to plenty of female friends about this specific issue. I'm also in the same situation only It's flipped around. The girl I'm dating tried to make a sexual pass at me, and I did nothing and we've been going out for around 2 months. Edited December 26, 2010 by Stonewall
Author leftyright1 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Thanks for the reply. When I say physical intimacy - I don't mean having sex - I was thinking more around holding hands, some touching (not even necessarily sexual). I always seem to initiate and the make out sessions lets say have been less than stellar. I thought this would come along but am getting restless.
zengirl Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Thanks for the reply. When I say physical intimacy - I don't mean having sex - I was thinking more around holding hands, some touching (not even necessarily sexual). I always seem to initiate and the make out sessions lets say have been less than stellar. I thought this would come along but am getting restless. Interesting. I'd say, if it were just sex, it could just be her nature, but this would give me pause as well. Hand-holding should be easy by 2 months in! You should feel like she's affectionate and physically interested. My honest guess would be that she's either not interested in a relationship right now/has some kind of mental block or likes you and thinks you're 'Good On Paper' but the chemistry/physical attraction just isn't there on her side. Then again, I don't know her. Does she have any issues that might make it natural for her to hold back? That could be another thing----just personal history or issues that lends itself to physical caution. Still, if it's impacting you, I think you have some tough choices to make.
LondonS Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I can understand no sex in two months but no holding hand or kissing in 2 months is weird... are you sure she knows you two are dating and not just hanging out as friends or something??
musemaj11 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Is she like some Asian woman who just came fresh off the boat? She sounds like my aunt who complained that American men are so disrespectful because a guy tried to hold her hand on a second date. All Im saying is that it could be cultural.
Enema Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Sounds like you've got a pretty big difference in attitudes and expectations regarding sex. I imagine when you actually get to have sex with her it'll be boring and in-frequent. I'd leave now!
make me believe Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I imagine when you actually get to have sex with her it'll be boring and in-frequent. I'd leave now! Agreed. Lefty, even if you were strictly speaking about sex, I'd still think this was problematic. But the fact that you're talking about things like holding hands is REALLY problematic! Do you know anything about her romantic history?? I would have another talk with her and just tell her straight up that you're not getting what you want/expect from a relationship out of this. If she still says she needs more time, ask her exactly what that means. How much time? And why? Tell her that after two months you expect to have built some sort of emotional intimacy which naturally leads to physical intimacy. I mean, the girl is 27, and she is skittish about holding hands?? It sounds like you two just aren't compatible. I can't imagine what a 27 yr old who needs "more time" than two months to feel comfortable holding hands would be like in bed..
phineas Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 She isn't attracted to you. She likes you, she likes the attention you give her, but she isn't sexually attracted to you but hopes the attraction will develop. Or she's leading you on. Either way i'd tell her that you think your both incompatible, your going to see other women but you can still be friends. Then fall off the face of the earth for a month or two if possible.
cutiecall Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 You can't win with men. If you have sex with them to soon and it is amazing they will think bad of you. If you make them wait they think something is wrong.
musemaj11 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 You can't win with men. If you have sex with them to soon and it is amazing they will think bad of you. If you make them wait they think something is wrong. He just wants to hold hands ...
AverageJoe Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Been dating a woman for just about 2 months. Excuse me, Sir. I believe I found some items of your's you may have lost. Are these...are these, your balls?
runner Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 You are dating a prude. or she's just not that into him...but hoping she changes her mind cos she likes him. back off and make her come to you. naked.
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