m2s Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Being a dumpee, i would love to know what goes on in the mind of a dumper. If you have ever gone back to a failed realationship, why? What was the catalyst in going back? When you went back, did it work? If not, why not. I wish i could open my exs head up and find out what is going on in there.
Dirtyeggroll Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Man I'm with you on that one. Even though my ex gave me a reason why we broke up, I still wish i could just read her mind and know what she is thinking. It would make things SO much easier
GreenPolicy Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Immediately after a breakup, a dumper feels relief. Every relationship is different, however. Some dumpers never pay the dumpee a second thought, whereas others still care and think about them. They may or may not second-guess the decision. I would imagine the only universal thing you can say about dumpers is the immediate lifting of a weight off their shoulders once they pull the trigger.
rhonian Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 M2s, GP is right. If you want to look at some of my earlier posts, I stated how the first few days I didnt feel much pain and it was a sorta "relief". I was on relationship OVERLOAD and snapped at a pretty simple argument and ended the relationship but it wasnt just that argument it was the accumulation of the 20 just like them over the last 2 years. I ended my relationship for the biggest #1 reason - I didnt have enough belief in the relationship that if I quit my job and moved to her 100 miles away that it wouldnt end in divorce. She is very strong-willed and stubborn and never ever looks at the other side of a situation. It is always about how I hurt her and she continuously twisted every argument to where she stood blameless. She could not have any blame put on her. Now, Im sad. I want her. I want to hold her. She is about a year into a disease called Myasthenia Gravis and I feel terrible that I will not be the one to support her through this trial. After being married for 16 years then divorced in 05. I left everything in Florida and moved back to Maryland with nothing. I dont have much but what I do have isnt worth the risk of another divorce and starting over at 40, 42, 45 y/o. I guess it was fear that ended my relationship among other things.
Mary-Jane Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I went out with a guy for almost two years, I quite liked him, we talked of marriage in the future and were very close. One night I went out clubbing with some girlfriends and got talking to some Norwegian man there. He was in our town for a few days only but he was probably one of the best looking men I've ever seen... in my view of course. Nothing happened between us really, we went for a walk on the streets until the morning just talking and met for lunch a day after and went to see a movie afterward and then he held my hand for a few minutes. So that was as far as intimate as it would get then he explained to me that his job takes him to different countries and he could not get close to me because of the hurt he would feel of not being able to be together properly and he also felt he was too old for me. I was very sad to hear that and completely disagreed with all that but we had to part anyway. During that weekend I have not remembered my boyfriend for a second. When I was finally reminded of his existence I felt nothing and suddenly realised that he was not the man for me because really I wanted to be with someone like the one who left. It was very very hard for me to tell him that we can not go on, we cried both, he said whatever the reason he will wait for me as long as it takes... Then like some poster above said I kind of probably did feel a weight lifted off my shoulders and I didn't regret what happened. In a little time I felt something was missing - yes, our relationship where I was comfortable and secure. So I started calling him to chat just like the old times being friendly etc with no regard to what he was feeling because it didn't even cross my mind I should not be doing it because it's a selfish thing to do. I actually avoided meeting him face to face for a long time but I never stopped contact and still wanted little things and favors done for me as before, just because it suited me to know that there is somebody out there for me. And he never asked me to stop calling so I don't know how he felt about it and I guess I will never get to ask him we live in different countries now anyway ...
2010_Sorry Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I think a lot of the dumpers feel that there is a problem with the dumpee, or the relationship with the dumpee. After they leave, they realize that the issue was really with THEM, and their lack of interest in working on the relationship. This is probably why so many of them try to come back....
PowerOfOne Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I think a lot of the dumpers feel that there is a problem with the dumpee, or the relationship with the dumpee. After they leave, they realize that the issue was really with THEM, and their lack of interest in working on the relationship. This is probably why so many of them try to come back.... Sadly, this is the absolute truth in many cases. Sad for them and sad for the poor dumpee that gets put the wringer for it.
D-Lish Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Usually, by the time someone breaks up with their partner, they have already done all the processing. By the time they get around to actually doing it, they have already mentally checked out of the relationship. The dumpee gets caught off guard, while the dumper has already reconciled with their decision long before breaking things off. In my experience, that's how things usually work.
aerogurl87 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I went back to my ex after our second break up because he begged for me back and claimed he had forgiven me and would change. Change didn't happen and he got dumped again only for me to take him back because I loved him so much, and then I got dumped.
Xero8780 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Mary-Jane: My ex girlfriend is doing the same thing to me that you did to your ex. Similar situation, she broke up with me because she wanted to see what it is was like to be single. She then kept contacting me trying to casually talk which was the most painful thing in the world for me because it was like being teased...so I eventually told her I need space. However 1.5 months later she is still trying to be my "friend" and is now telling me that she misses me, etc. I am responsive saying that I miss her too, but that I think we still need space. How would you say I should proceed from your perspective? Should I tell her that I also think about her constantly, am confused, etc. or should I try to act distant?
2sunny Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 for me? when i'm done - i have decided that i'm just completely finished. move forward. i have decided that there are things about the R that just aren't going to change and that it's not worth my time and/or energy to continue any further. that's the end... i don't give it any more thought because i already have enough evidence that it just isn't going to work.
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