All progress down the drain..read my story.

[mfs976]

First off I would like to say that it's very serendipitous that I mistakenly came across this forum while looking for answers. Despite the fact that millions are in the same predicament as me I still feel like the only one- don't we all.

 

Here's a summarized version of my story- I met this amazing girl back in late January of '08. We hit it off really well and I could tell she was different form most girls because she had a lot of qualities about her that a lot of girls lack. She had a beautiful yet sort of dark and mysterious interior that supplemented her gorgeous exterior. She was driven to succeed, highly intelligent and educated, refined, classy girl with a really good head on her shoulders. I noticed something was 'off' with her though, and as we got to know each other more i found out she was suffering from severe post-traumatic stress disorder from her time in the Army as an MP from 03-05. She was wounded in combat from an IED and received a purple heart as a result. Eventually i came to find out that she had been widowed. Her husband took his own life in '07 which was about 7 months or so before I met her. His diabetes were really bad and he couldn't cope with the loss of his father, also I think when she returned from combat that she was no longer the person that he expected her to be (who she was before she got shipped out) which all contributed to his suicide.

 

Anyway I fell in love with this girl- completely like Ive never felt before in my life. I knew all about her baggage and I knew It'd be a long, hard, road. I knew there would be limitations in our relationship because of her PTSD and I was 100% willing and able to accept her for who she was and to help her get back to her old self, which I did. I made her see the light- I was so encouraging and supportive of her and was able to successfully make her conquer her past and re-ignited her drive for having a future. I saw a lot of progress in her and we had an amazing relationship. About 8 months after I met her I moved into her brand new house with her. It was great but it also made me feel inferior because it was HER house. No matter what I did, or how much money I was able to give her towards rent, bills, etc I felt like I wasn't on the same level as her. She was well ahead of me in terms of having a career and just had more money than me in general. She didn't seem to mind because of the circumstances of which she was able to acquire the money- but eventually I started noticing her distancing herself away from me. Nothing I did was good enough, no matter how much work I did around the house or how much I cleaned it went unnoticed. After a year and a half she wouldn't even say hi to me when she got home from work, she stopped hugging me, kissing me, and initiating sex altogether about 2 years in. I had a really hard time showing her my appreciation at this point and she complained that I didn't surprise her enough 'just because'. How could I when I myself don't feel appreciated? I felt as though we were just roomates because we did our own dishes, laundry, and paid for groceries separately. We had a mini breakup in March of this year but it was short lived and we both didn't really have time apart to evaluate the situation to find out what was wrong so we could fix it- so we pretended like nothing happened and things were great for a while only to eventually revert back to how they were before. Regardless we still had really good moments inbetween.

 

Fast forwarding to last month I got really skeptical of her motives, she seemed to have zero interest in me at all so I started snooping around on her computer. She told one guy if/when things happen between me and her that he would get her number- not encouraging at all. Plus I already knew for a fact that he had her number because I saw texts messages from him to her. She didn't flirt back but she just thanked him for the compliments. I also saw some other stuff between her and her girlfriends I didn't like but I won't get into that right now.

 

I told her I had been snooping around because I felt guilty, I even saw her create a fake facebook account trying to set me up to confirm if I actually was- that's what ultimately pulled the trigger on the breakup. I tried NC, I really did but just could NOT follow through with it. She had like 10 guys starting to inquire about her the second she changed her relationship status on fb and started hanging out with an old high school 'friend' days after the breakup and has been hanging out with him ever since. She said he's just an old friend and that she has nothing to offer anyone right now. She wants to be single and figure out who she is and what she wants and that she wants to be more adventurous and take more chances in life. I pushed her so far away with all the texts, calling, emailing, and showing up at her house (classic, I know) and now she wants absolutely nothing to do with me ever again..I got serious about NC last week but caved in yesterday to tell her Merry Christmas which just made things worse for both of us..I don't know if I should or if I'm even able to let her go for good or if I should delete her out of my life and hope that one day she'll snap out of it and come back to me..

 

Theres a lot more to the story but I feel like I'm rambling too much at this point. I've made a lot of progress lately, been keeping myself busy at work, friends, and trying to branch out and make more friends- which isn't hard because I sometimes DJ downtown in the city. She's been going out nonstop with her 'friend' because he's outgoing, he's the life of the party, and he brings out the part of her personality that she would otherwise hold back because she's got an introverted personality (as do I). She's more of her goofy, playful self with him and his friends she says. I can't help but think she wants to be more than friends with him, and its funny how girls will change what they like, don't like, or what they'll tolerate with someone just to replace you with someone else.

 

ugh, what should I do? I want to marry this girl!

[delajoonal]

mfs976..

well, i am in no place to give advice, really, i just wanted to say how very sorry i am for your break up and the pain...believe me, i SO get the pain part.

 

the thing i see tho, she may never know exacly who she is or get BACK to who she was before the war?

 

u sound like an extremly kind, and patient man...kind of the 'knight and shining armor' sydnrome, if u will...?

 

i can tell u this..as a woman, if she is doing what she is doing now..

it is over to her...i hate saying this...but just imo, OK..

 

sounds like when it is just over ...in their eyes, and no matter what u do, it won't come back...when someone is just not in love anymore..u know.

 

i know both sides at this time...as my xh of 15 yrs left me for his EA on fb and now i have recently broke it off with my bf...

 

so i get the pain...but for her, gosh, she has years or a life time of therapy because of the horrific accounts in her life...u r only human, u can't fix it..she will need professional help.

 

please keep posting tho, so u can stay NC...don't go to her house or text or anything, stay NC...for your OWN sanity...

 

she is off doing her own thing now...i know i am not an expert, but from what i lived and been thru and read here on LS for the past 2 yrs...

please move on and try to take care of you..OK..

 

post here instead of going to her fb page, in fact, block her on fb...

 

take care...keep posting and reading on LS ok

[LifeIsGreat]

MFS.... you do NOT want to marry this girl!!! I was married to a women who dealt with depression (diagnosed and medicated). It is not much fun. Don't get me wrong, it is really sad and we want to be able to do something for someone we love..... but alas, we can't. It's their journey and their problem. It broke my heart when she left me, but I know I was better off for it. You really need to understand that you are dodging a bullet here my friend. Do NC for yourself, and to move on. Do not even think of trying to win her back, you will be nothing but sorry if you do. I DID win my ex wife back after she left the first time. The second time she left I did not want her back. I'm sorry for your pain. Keep reading the various LS posts to help motivate you, console you, and heal.

[mfs976]

Hey thanks for your support, both of you. It is hard to be with someone with depression but it doesn't change the fact that I'm already in love with her ya know? It really sucks, I mean there would be times where everything was great and she was perfectly fine but for the most part the emotional stability, physical connection, and communication just weren't there anymore..most notably starting around the 2 year mark.

 

I've done everything I can to move on, between work, hobbies, the gym and everything else and I still can't shake her from my mind. All this happened a little over a month ago and I was in really bad shape afterwards, it's the holidays and the end of the semester. I failed one of my classes and lost 10lbs because of this. I'm losing a lover, a best friend, our pets, and the future I so desperately wanted to build in that house with her. Now I live in my parents guest bedroom and it sucks. Yeah I have more money which is cool because I can pay off some debt and I've been really spoiling myself like crazy updating my wardrobe but wtf. I'm 27 years old and moved out of here when I was 19 for a reason. I feel like I have taken one step forward two steps back.

 

I talked to her today and she actually agreed to maybe go to a local bar with me that we usually go to every Christmas night with friends. I'm not sure why she would even consider it given the circumstances but she said she would think about it. That was a few hours ago and I haven't herd anything further since- so it probably won't happen. If I don't hear back from her or see her tonight I'm going to try my hardest to stop talking to her. Regarding the fb thing I did take her off my friends list and blocked her but I just keep unblocking her to see if she changes her profile pic lol, it's so ridiculous but I can't help it.

 

Also we're both in our mutual friends wedding in July. I'm one of the groomsmen and she's on of the bridesmaids- we're matched up in the wedding and I'm just not sure what to think about that or what to do if we're still apart my then..