Tweed Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 First off, I am new to online dating and this was the first time I ventured online for a date. Anyway, I saw this commercial on eharmony so I decided to give it a shot. Met a few women, but it wasn't until the forth one I really saw some sort of possible future. So here's the low down. Took about a month, but got through the guided communication and we met about a week later for drinks. Spent about 3 hours together laughing and really connecting. It was a type of lounge, so over the course of the drinks and appetizer, she turned her body to face mind, and I moved closer. I thought that was a good sign, and we talked a bit more and then I walked her to her car. Instead of just going for a hug, I went for a kiss on the lips, albeit, a fast kiss, but a kiss none the less, and then a hug. She was smiling and I said we should do this again. She said, yes, definitely soon. Next night I called her and we made plans for the next week, still a weekday cause of the holiday's and such. She said pick me up at 7:00 and gave me her address. I arrived a few minutes early and she opened the door and gave me a hello kiss. We walked to my car and as we were driving to the place, she said she was a bit pre-occupied as her father was just admitted to the hospital for chest pains. I said I am so sorry to hear. Is everything going okay, she said she did not know. The next few days will be very important. We arrived to the place for dinner, Italian food no less, and we sat down. I lighted the mood and had her smiling and laughing again in no time. After about two hours, we left the restaurant. As we were driving back to her place, she said she really had a good time and likes hanging out with me. I said I feel the same. I like hanging out with me too, but having you here is a definite plus. She giggled. I said, how about we spend some time together this weekend? She agreed. I said I know this great place for activities and games. She also knew of the place and she said sounds great. Arrived at her place, we talked for a few minutes and then started to make out. I hurt my back earlier, so it was a bit hard for me to turn correctly, but I think I managed. It was hard for me to stop kissing her, cause we stopped and started like five or six times. She said well, good night and see you this weekend. She also texted me again like 15 minutes later and said thanks for a great night and looking forward to our next date! I replied and said me too. Called two days later and wanted to see if she wanted to do something for X-mas and New Years. We talked about it previously, and she said she was free X-mas day and no plans for New Years yet. Left a message, but never heard back. I then texted her the next day, and she replied saying dad had a heart attack and she's been in the hospital with family since Wednesday. I said I am so sorry to hear. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and your father. She said thank you for that. I appreciate your support. She then texted, since we do not know what going on with dad, I also need to cancel our weekend date, but I will call you when I can. That was about a week and a half ago. Have not heard from her since. I am thinking of calling and seeing how things are going with her dad. Outside of that, I am not sure.
january2010 Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 Out of courtesy, a call to check her dad's progress would be okay.
OceanGirl Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 I am dealing with my dad's illness right now and if a guy were to call and ask how my dad is doing, that would be a HUGE plus.
Author Tweed Posted December 25, 2010 Author Posted December 25, 2010 I was thinking of calling, but since it is X-mas and I am sure she is with family, perhaps a text would be better. After all, when she was in the hospital with her family, she did not answer the cell call, but when I texted her, she replied quite rapidly. It would had also been nice to hear something from her over the past week and a half instead of me having to contact her, but assuming this is true, which I am giving the benefit of the doubt, I am sure I am not on her mind.
january2010 Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 Yup, a text is a better idea. And I agree, give her the benefit of the doubt.
OceanGirl Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 I was thinking of calling, but since it is X-mas and I am sure she is with family, perhaps a text would be better. After all, when she was in the hospital with her family, she did not answer the cell call, but when I texted her, she replied quite rapidly. It would had also been nice to hear something from her over the past week and a half instead of me having to contact her, but assuming this is true, which I am giving the benefit of the doubt, I am sure I am not on her mind. Give her the benefit of the doubt. It's really bad when you are going through something like this to have someone you are dating not believe you. Also, you are probably the last thing on her mind right now...but if you were to show some support - rather than doubt - she will be
PerpetualMotion Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 From what you wrote, I don't think you have any reason to doubt her. I agree with you sending a text, asking her how her dad is doing and offering your support.
Author Tweed Posted December 25, 2010 Author Posted December 25, 2010 I did text her this morning and she got back to me a bit later. Said she and her father are doing well and it is good to hear from me. There were a few ups and downs, but things are much smoother for him now. Then wished me a Merry Christmas.
Author Tweed Posted December 25, 2010 Author Posted December 25, 2010 I just thought it was interesting when she said it was rough last week, but mentioned he was cooking for X-mas dinner tonight. No mention of an interest in seeing me again either. So, not too sure on anything.
StarryEyes86 Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 Just send her a text asking her how her dad is. Her mind is probably occupied with a bunch of other things right now. I wouldn't sweat it.
Author Tweed Posted December 25, 2010 Author Posted December 25, 2010 Just send her a text asking her how her dad is. Her mind is probably occupied with a bunch of other things right now. I wouldn't sweat it. Already did. Our text messages are listed above.
OceanGirl Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 You can suggest catching up again....you have nothing to lose.
Author Tweed Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Feel like I am chasing a dream.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I saw another guy have your same scenario in another thread just last week, except it was the girls mother in the hospital. I dont know why she would make out with you if she isnt interested, but since she hasnt called you and her father is fine, she isnt interested. I really wonder if it was a lie. Well since she isnt interested, you might as well ask her out again, now that you know she will make up some excuse and then call her out on it. You have nothing to lose, and you dont have to care what she thinks of you.
Author Tweed Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 I just think I caught her in her own lie. I mean come on. How do you have surgery so soon and then are help cooking with the family dinner? WTF? I will also like to add, because I felt a connection, and that we saw each other and subsequently made out, I put other women on hold. Now, two of them won't even respond to my requests on first dates. Why would a woman, behave like this, and the second date happened as I described it to a T. I did not overstate anything. And then setup a third date, confirm twice about the date, and then make something like this up? Makes no sense. And, if she was really uninterested, why respond not once by three times to my texts today? Something does not add up. I am not sure if she's playing hard to get or no interest. However, when there is little or no interest, once they make up their minds, there is like zero contact. Or just replies like I am fine, hope you are well. Not a three sentence long text with happy faces. To say I am confused by her actions, is an understatement. I am not going to ask her out again. She will need to contact me. I already feel like a big enough played moron already. Ladies, this is why men hate dating. We do not know what the heck is going on in your diabolical minds. One would think, by my age, these games would be over. But, nope, seems to still go strong. My distrust for women in relationships and love continues to grow. Even when I try and give the benefit of the doubt, I still get screwed over. It's just not right!
jad0re Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Agreed. She wouldn't make out with you if she wasn't interested. Ask her out again, you've got nothing to lose.
january2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 You're letting yourself get wound up. Stop now. I hope that a "women can't be trusted" thread is not where you want to take this. Ask her out again or don't but don't extrapolate one woman's behaviour to her entire gender. You're not happy, we get it. And if indeed she lied about her father having a heart attack, that's a pretty ****ty lie. But that's on her as an individual. Not her gender.
Author Tweed Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Never said women can't be trusted outside of dating/relationships. I just do not understand these games/motives. Dating should be simple. Either black or white. If you like the person, go out on another date. If you do not like the person, no problem, just end it. We are not kids here. I do not understand the limbo. The only times she contacted me first was to confirm the first date and then said really looking forward to meeting you. And two, to change the time on the second date because she had to work late. Even if she had some interest, she should show some initiative, no? It has nothing to do with giving up. When I first heard about the medical thing, I had my doubts, but was supportive. Let it sit for a week or so. The contacted her today and then get everything is great now. Wouldn't that be an opening for saying hey, let's get together? Especially when I know she has Monday off, she told me that, so we could had done something tomorrow. But no, not a peep. Remember, she also said she will call me when things are clear and she can. Also, next week is New Years, so that is down the drain too. Just tired of pipe dreams and failure.
january2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I just do not understand these games/motives. Dating should be simple. Either black or white. If you like the person, go out on another date. If you do not like the person, no problem, just end it. We are not kids here. I do not understand the limbo. From reading the threads here, many have expressed the same sentiments. If you're feeling like this, I'm not sure that you're going to be in the right frame of mind if she does contact you again in the near future. I suggest making your own plans for New Year's Eve.
Star Gazer Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 People change their minds with the passage of time. She very well may have felt one way when she accepted the third date, but since then, her priorities changed.
Author Tweed Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 People change their minds with the passage of time. She very well may have felt one way when she accepted the third date, but since then, her priorities changed. Then, if that is so, why make up an elaborate lie, and when I contact again, continue on with that lie? There is no hint here for me to really get she is no longer interested. It just leaves me at a fork in the road with no where to turn.
Star Gazer Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Then, if that is so, why make up an elaborate lie, and when I contact again, continue on with that lie? There is no hint here for me to really get she is no longer interested. It just leaves me at a fork in the road with no where to turn. Why are you so convinced she lied?
Author Tweed Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 A guy who is in his 40's just got out of surgery a week or so ago and is cooking an elaborate dinner? I know when I had my appendix removed, I was not cooking a week or so later, let alone moving around so actively. And I am very active in sports and outdoor activity. But, let's take your conclusion, that she has had a change of heart. Fine. No problem. Why keep up the act? Why respond to my text and say good to hear from you and go into that bro's doing great and what he's cooking for dinner? Wouldn't you think say, hey look, really had a great time, but I am no longer feeling it. I wish you the best of luck in your search. Or something of that magnitude. Do you see here nothing is adding up. It is like rubics cube. She goes one way, then turns another way and goes back around the original way by conversing with me. So, I am utterly confused. Not mad or angry. Just confused and a tad upset. If there was zero interest or change of heart, I would had felt better if she just said so. Then, I would have closure and know this avenue is closed. Keeping everything in limbo is the issue at hand. In reality, she is not really showing signs of disinterest, just signs of relief her bro is okay. Which, if it is true, I am happy that he is. I just wish I knew what she was thinking.
Star Gazer Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 A guy who is in his 40's just got out of surgery a week or so ago and is cooking an elaborate dinner? Nothing in your original posts discusses surgery, just that he had a heart attack and that it was pretty bad for them for a while. Did she elaborate and explain? Doesn't sound like it. Have you ever had a close family member have a heart attack, and think it was touch and go and that they might die, even though they came through just fine? How do you know he had surgery? And how do you know what type of surgery it was? For angioplasty, the patient is usually in the hospital for only 1-2 days, and the typical recovery time is a week. Also, how do you know it's an "elaborate" dinner? You said he was helping make dinner. For all you know, that could mean stirring a pot of boiling water, but she could be excited that he's able to do that. Why do you believe you're in a position to judge what he's capable of doing? It's Christmas and her dad was just in the hospital. Some patience, rather than jumping to conclusions and being so angry, might do you a world of good here.
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