Insanity!

[half_ofa_heart]

It has been said that Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome. Isn't that what I am doing???

 

So 1 month of NC actually more like LC since I have read emails and the dreaded dreaded phone call that I accidentally picked up. Basically, that phone call opened the flood gate to several more conversations then sadly... I met up with him yesterday.

 

I am certifiably INSANE!!!! What the hell am I doing. I hadn't seen him in over a month. Why did I do it. We cried - sobbed really. Went over everything again and again and back to the same crap. "I love you and dream of being with you. You're all I think about. You are who I long to be with. If I didn't have my toddler, I'd leave her."

 

He is still blocked from my cell and IM but like I said before, he has found a way to text me from the internet. He has professed his love for me many times per day. I'm so so so so confused. I know this is beyond stupid to go back to the way things were expecting a different outcome. He will still be with his wife and I will still be alone.

 

I feel like such an idiot. I hadn't seen him over a month!!!! But I will say this, seeing him yesterday made me feel so wonderful. He said everything right. We both cried and hetold me over and over again how much he misses me and loves me. I explained to him that his actions say different. He stated that he is staying married just for his youngest daughter and if she were older, he would have left long before I ever came into the picture.

 

Where does that leave me???? I just know in his mind that he thinks we are on our way back to the way things were before. I am so damn confused as he is saying everything right... telling me he loves me and misses me and wants to take a day off so we can spend the whole day together. I have responded to his texts and told him I am still confused and still trying to figure things out.

 

I need your help LS'ers... I'm the alcoholic standing at the door to the bar. I want soooo bad to go in there and just drink him up. He is my kryptonite [sp?]. I have no strength where he is concerned or common sense for that matter. Help me get back on track. I know if I go back, I will end up sad and depressed and all alone again. Insanity = doing the same thing twice and expecting a different outcome. I am INSANE!!!

 

Help!

[TaraMaiden]

Balls about the toddler.

leaving her and the toddler doesn't stop him being a father.

 

So basically, he's staying with her because he wants the best of both worlds.

His wife and child - AND you.

 

He's made his choice, he's told you.

Basically, "I love you, but I also love what I've got at home, and I'm not going to give that up."

 

Good luck with that.

[calliope]

[quote=half_ofa_heart;3161637

But I will say this, seeing him yesterday made me feel so wonderful. He said everything right. We both cried and he told me over and over again how much he misses me and loves me. I explained to him that his actions say different. He stated that he is staying married just for his youngest daughter and if she were older, he would have left long before I ever came into the picture.

 

I'm the alcoholic standing at the door to the bar. I want soooo bad to go in there and just drink him up. He is my kryptonite [sp?]. I have no strength where he is concerned or common sense for that matter. Help me get back on track. I know if I go back, I will end up sad and depressed and all alone again. Insanity = doing the same thing twice and expecting a different outcome. I am INSANE!!!

 

You're not insane. Heart, if I was in your place I would've seen him too, right or wrong. No one here can tell you what you should or

shouldn't do, only you know him & your situation.

 

The only thing I can say is - using the excuse that he's staying for his youngest is just that - an excuse. My parents stayed together when I was a kid b/c when they told us they wanted to split up, we cried & cried & cried (30 yrs ago), then never heard about that again til they finally split up 10 yrs later.

 

I've heard it's better to come from a dysfunctional home, than to live in one...I believe this is true. The best thing for his kid is a happy parent...

 

Do whatever you need to do. I always knew you weren't ready to call it a day and move on. I'm certainly not judging; I'm not ready to move on either. I recognize that in you and I totally relate to it.

 

Keep posting and I'll help you out as much or as little as you need.....

[ItsNeverForever]

You're not insane. Heart, if I was in your place I would've seen him too, right or wrong. No one here can tell you what you should or

shouldn't do, only you know him & your situation.

 

The only thing I can say is - using the excuse that he's staying for his youngest is just that - an excuse. My parents stayed together when I was a kid b/c when they told us they wanted to split up, we cried & cried & cried (30 yrs ago), then never heard about that again til they finally split up 10 yrs later.

 

I've heard it's better to come from a dysfunctional home, than to live in one...I believe this is true. The best thing for his kid is a happy parent...

 

Do whatever you need to do. I always knew you weren't ready to call it a day and move on. I'm certainly not judging; I'm not ready to move on either. I recognize that in you and I totally relate to it.

 

Keep posting and I'll help you out as much or as little as you need.....

 

Oh, sweet Heart...I'm with Calli. I can't say I would have done anything different. {{{hugs}}} Please don't beat yourself up. While I agree with your alcoholic analogy, I know how difficult it is to resist him. Because of my own situation though, I do agree with Tara. The child is an excuse - he'll always be a father. Period. He's not leaving bc he doesn't WANT to. Just as we don't resist these men when we know we should - we don't WANT to.

I'm praying for you, that you're able to stand strong & not let him suck you back into his misery. {{{more hugs}}}

[East7]

Answers in bold :

 

I am certifiably INSANE!!!! What the hell am I doing. I hadn't seen him in over a month. Why did I do it. We cried - sobbed really. Went over everything again and again and back to the same crap. "I love you and dream of being with you. You're all I think about. You are who I long to be with. If I didn't have my toddler, I'd leave her."

 

It is plain addiction, it is obvious and you are doing nothing to get away from it.

"I love you-s" from married persons doesn't mean anything ! They say it as easily as saying hello. At best it means "I fantasize about you", at worst "I don't give a damn but I want you around"

He has professed his love for me many times per day. I'm so so so so confused. I know this is beyond stupid to go back to the way things were expecting a different outcome. He will still be with his wife and I will still be alone.

 

He has the best of both worlds, why would he change a thing ?

 

I explained to him that his actions say different. He stated that he is staying married just for his youngest daughter and if she were older, he would have left long before I ever came into the picture.

 

Oh really ? And you buy it

Then it will be until the daughter become adult, then until she has to finish college, then maybe until she gets married....He will come up with all kind of creative excuses like all the MMs.

Where does that leave me???? I just know in his mind that he thinks we are on our way back to the way things were before. I am so damn confused as he is saying everything right... telling me he loves me and misses me and wants to take a day off so we can spend the whole day together. I have responded to his texts and told him I am still confused and still trying to figure things out.

 

I need your help LS'ers... I'm the alcoholic standing at the door to the bar. I want soooo bad to go in there and just drink him up. He is my kryptonite [sp?]. I have no strength where he is concerned or common sense for that matter. Help me get back on track. I know if I go back, I will end up sad and depressed and all alone again. Insanity = doing the same thing twice and expecting a different outcome. I am INSANE!!!

 

Your drug is MM, not alcohol.

Insanity ? Yes, As long as you take a drug, you will be addicted to death, nothing will ever change.

 

Stop ruining yourself, half-heart, give a punch in your face, shake your head, anything that can wake you from this nightmare.

Go to IC, talk with close friends, whatever makes you vent.

[pureinheart]

Oh, sweet Heart...I'm with Calli. I can't say I would have done anything different. {{{hugs}}} Please don't beat yourself up. While I agree with your alcoholic analogy, I know how difficult it is to resist him. Because of my own situation though, I do agree with Tara. The child is an excuse - he'll always be a father. Period. He's not leaving bc he doesn't WANT to. Just as we don't resist these men when we know we should - we don't WANT to.

I'm praying for you, that you're able to stand strong & not let him suck you back into his misery. {{{more hugs}}}

 

 

I'm with both of you, it's just really hard...and your not insane.

[newpriorities]

It has been said that Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome. Isn't that what I am doing???

 

So 1 month of NC actually more like LC since I have read emails and the dreaded dreaded phone call that I accidentally picked up. Basically, that phone call opened the flood gate to several more conversations then sadly... I met up with him yesterday.

 

I am certifiably INSANE!!!! What the hell am I doing. I hadn't seen him in over a month. Why did I do it. We cried - sobbed really. Went over everything again and again and back to the same crap. "I love you and dream of being with you. You're all I think about. You are who I long to be with. If I didn't have my toddler, I'd leave her."

 

He is still blocked from my cell and IM but like I said before, he has found a way to text me from the internet. He has professed his love for me many times per day. I'm so so so so confused. I know this is beyond stupid to go back to the way things were expecting a different outcome. He will still be with his wife and I will still be alone.

 

I feel like such an idiot. I hadn't seen him over a month!!!! But I will say this, seeing him yesterday made me feel so wonderful. He said everything right. We both cried and hetold me over and over again how much he misses me and loves me. I explained to him that his actions say different. He stated that he is staying married just for his youngest daughter and if she were older, he would have left long before I ever came into the picture.

 

Where does that leave me???? I just know in his mind that he thinks we are on our way back to the way things were before. I am so damn confused as he is saying everything right... telling me he loves me and misses me and wants to take a day off so we can spend the whole day together. I have responded to his texts and told him I am still confused and still trying to figure things out.

 

I need your help LS'ers... I'm the alcoholic standing at the door to the bar. I want soooo bad to go in there and just drink him up. He is my kryptonite [sp?]. I have no strength where he is concerned or common sense for that matter. Help me get back on track. I know if I go back, I will end up sad and depressed and all alone again. Insanity = doing the same thing twice and expecting a different outcome. I am INSANE!!!

 

Help!

 

The part where you say, "I know if I go back I will end up sad and depressed." That's what I think you need to think about. I soooooo understand why you did what you did and I agree with the others--you are not insane. BUT, if you truly believe this is the outcome, then you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on the NC horse again--otherwise you might be right back in the same position 6 months from now and that's a lot of life to live! I know, much easier said than done! Hugs!

[half_ofa_heart]

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

 

I am awake awaiting my kids to wake up thinking about my MM; reading all your posts helps. I know come Monday he will pressure me to come see him again and to decide on a day to take off to be together. I know what I have to say but I also know what I want to say.

 

He is texting me more now than he ever has and I expect I'll hear from him many times today. He was trying hard to not contact me but he would fail after 3 or so days. I was able to not contact him or respond for almost a month and now feel like all that was for nothing.

 

I HAVE to get back there. I want to thank all of you for your input and advice. It truly does help. Have a wonderful day and I'll be back for some more input later.

[YellowShark]

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

 

I am awake awaiting my kids to wake up thinking about my MM; reading all your posts helps. I know come Monday he will pressure me to come see him again and to decide on a day to take off to be together. I know what I have to say but I also know what I want to say.

 

He is texting me more now than he ever has and I expect I'll hear from him many times today. He was trying hard to not contact me but he would fail after 3 or so days. I was able to not contact him or respond for almost a month and now feel like all that was for nothing.

 

I HAVE to get back there. I want to thank all of you for your input and advice. It truly does help. Have a wonderful day and I'll be back for some more input later.

 

 

And let's say you two finally "hook up." What's will stop this same man finding another "you" a few Christmases down the road? This is not a dig, but a huge reality check, cuz if he'll cheat with you... he'll cheat on you.

[sugarmomma]

 

so we can spend the whole day together.

 

 

Wow! A whole day?? I say go for it if you're willing to settle for his scraps.

 

Looks like that's all he has to offer. He has a toddler op and he doesn't want a divorce, just wants an affair. You deserve more, but you need to believe that more than I do. Be strong and put yourself first for a change. Don't be so easily swayed by his words since he just uses them to keep you where he wants you.

 

 

If he really loved you he would leave you alone to find someone who can give you the love you deserve.

[desertIslandCactus]

I have noticed in other stories, that when there has been NC the AP (or MM) acts frantic to reel the OW back in. Then when they get back together it appears to be business as usual and without the exuberance that he is showing at this time.

 

It is a matter of mind over matter: What do you want for yourself. Being a servant of one's needs is supposed to happen in marriage - where there is reciprocation. Get back to the strong independent woman you are supposed to be, you will be happier for it - until mr. Right comes along.

[half_ofa_heart]

I have noticed in other stories, that when there has been NC the AP (or MM) acts frantic to reel the OW back in. Then when they get back together it appears to be business as usual and without the exuberance that he is showing at this time.

 

It is a matter of mind over matter: What do you want for yourself. Being a servant of one's needs is supposed to happen in marriage - where there is reciprocation. Get back to the strong independent woman you are supposed to be, you will be happier for it - until mr. Right comes along.

 

You are soooo right Desert! I am normally a very strong and independent person. I do not recognize the person I see in the mirror, so vulnerable and weak. It truly is so much easier to resist him when I'm not speaking to him, in any format. I know I deserve better and normally even being alone is better than this feeling.

 

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I needed to get my head on straight and I knew I could count on my LS'ers to help me with that. Let's just hope that I have this much confidence on Monday when he'll be at work and have all the time in the world to KEEP trying to get a hold of me.

 

Happy Holidays Peeps!

[fooled once]

It has been said that Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome. Isn't that what I am doing???

 

So 1 month of NC actually more like LC since I have read emails and the dreaded dreaded phone call that I accidentally picked up. Basically, that phone call opened the flood gate to several more conversations then sadly... I met up with him yesterday.

 

I am certifiably INSANE!!!! What the hell am I doing. I hadn't seen him in over a month. Why did I do it. We cried - sobbed really. Went over everything again and again and back to the same crap. "I love you and dream of being with you. You're all I think about. You are who I long to be with. If I didn't have my toddler, I'd leave her."

 

He is still blocked from my cell and IM but like I said before, he has found a way to text me from the internet. He has professed his love for me many times per day. I'm so so so so confused. I know this is beyond stupid to go back to the way things were expecting a different outcome. He will still be with his wife and I will still be alone.

 

I feel like such an idiot. I hadn't seen him over a month!!!! But I will say this, seeing him yesterday made me feel so wonderful. He said everything right. We both cried and hetold me over and over again how much he misses me and loves me. I explained to him that his actions say different. He stated that he is staying married just for his youngest daughter and if she were older, he would have left long before I ever came into the picture.

 

Where does that leave me???? I just know in his mind that he thinks we are on our way back to the way things were before. I am so damn confused as he is saying everything right... telling me he loves me and misses me and wants to take a day off so we can spend the whole day together. I have responded to his texts and told him I am still confused and still trying to figure things out.

 

I need your help LS'ers... I'm the alcoholic standing at the door to the bar. I want soooo bad to go in there and just drink him up. He is my kryptonite [sp?]. I have no strength where he is concerned or common sense for that matter. Help me get back on track. I know if I go back, I will end up sad and depressed and all alone again. Insanity = doing the same thing twice and expecting a different outcome. I am INSANE!!!

 

Help!

 

Balls about the toddler.

leaving her and the toddler doesn't stop him being a father.

 

So basically, he's staying with her because he wants the best of both worlds.

His wife and child - AND you.

 

He's made his choice, he's told you.

Basically, "I love you, but I also love what I've got at home, and I'm not going to give that up."

 

Good luck with that.

 

completely agree

 

If you are willing to settle and continue to be the mistress, go right ahead.

 

I divorced when my son was 6 - and there was no affair.

 

He is using his child as an EXCUSE - period.

[jj33]

You are definitely not crazy. Most people go back at least once.

 

No two situations are the same but one thing is for sure. If he is saying he cant leave because of his toddler he doesnt want to leave.

 

And it is depressing to think I want more, I know I am not going to have more with this person and yet I am going back anyway. The question is why? It eats away at your self esteem.

 

Take good care of yourself

[Hazyhead]

He's telling you he can't leave. Does it matter what excuse or reason he gives?

 

You would be wasting your time here, hon, and you know this.