Kael Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 Well, I finally got back into the dating scene after a brutal breakup and a 7yr relationship ending abruptly. This new girl (we will call her Sue) is a breath of fresh air. Sue and I met at a bar via mutual friends about a month ago. She is attractive, educated, and funny. I wasn't really looking for a relationship, but this girl sort of popped into my life and I have changed my mind. I wouldn't mind dating her and see where things go. I got her number. We talked via text and facebook chat. She admitted she doesn't like talking on the phone, nor do I. She came to a small party for a football game, to hang out. But, I took it as she was coming to see me. So, anyway, the point is, I think her and I are feeling good vibes. So, I invited her to another party, which she couldn't make. Then, between work and just backing off a little bit from her, we didn't communicate at all for 12 days. I randomly texted her last week to see how she was and see what her weekend plans were. She said she was planning on going out of town, but that she might try to find a way not to go b/c she didn't want to go that bad. Naturally, I took that as a queue and I asked her out. She accepted. We went out this past Saturday for our first date. Things seemed to go very well. We talked and laughed over a nice dinner for about 2.5 hours. From there, we met a few friends at a bar. Then the date ended without a kiss, but I didn't go for it. She is a shy person, and I am too I suppose. Well, this week rolls around, and it is a big family/friend week and things are busy. I asked her out for dinner one night this week but she said she was busy. All the things she told me she had planned were actually true. Also, I am going out of the country for 10 days. I leave next week. With Christmas this week and me leaving early next week, what do you think my next move should be? It is already established that this week is too hectic for both of us. And next week, I leave for 10 days. I know the beginning parts of relationships are fragile, and I wanted to build on the momentum of the first date. What does the wise LS members think I should do? Call her Sunday (after Christmas) and try to set something up before I go? Just leave it be until I get back? Text? Cut contact? Blah blah. I like this girl, but I don't want to come on too hard. My problem is that I am either 100% on or off when it comes to things I do in life. I am having trouble adjusting to the playing the required games involved with dating. TBH, I won't be that upset if things don't work out. There isn't much a new woman can do to me anymore that can really harm me. But, I thought I could get some good help from LS. Thanks, PS - Can you tell I've been out of the game for 7 years? It's sad; I know.
youaretheone Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 What I learnt from my past experiences is that: always escalate with a woman. I am not telling you to try to bed her the first day you meet but it was always a positive thing for me to test the physical boundaries with her. Most women will say that they want a guy to be gentle and respect her but what they really want is to see if you are comfortable with being physical. Everytime I respected a woman and was scared that I would lose her if I tried to kiss her too early, she thought I wasn't attracted and befriended me. I would be the man and make my move. If she rejects, then respect her and try again after you establish more comfort. At least you have tried and expressed your interest. Find the balance.
catgotyourtongue Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 First off all, welcome and it's awesome that you are thoughtful abt the dating and coming to a forum to see what you can learn. I would say you seem mindful! Awesome. Sorry for your brutal breakup, they suck. I basically think that holidays are a really busy time, and it's hard to connect at times. perhaps you can text her or shoot her and email saying hi, hope you had a great holiday, etc. would enjoy getting together again when we can sync up our schedules, or something casual, not too forceful. Dating is a journey, not a race, though it seems that way. I think it's fine to call/text and ask if she wants to get together when you are back in town, no harm in that. Right? also good that you know you either go 100% or not at all, so this is perhaps a great opportunity to open up to doing something new, maybe be more gray, not as black and white. Starting over...hard but sometimes a great opportunity for change. best of luck
Jynxx Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 She likes you, but she's not attracted to you. Not going for a kiss if there's any kind of spark at the end of a date is the best way to end up in the friends zone. All is not lost, but it's a longshot. Contact her after newyear and get together. Since she's shy and currently not attracted to you you should try to do something that makes her feel emotions, any kind. Rock her world, then reevaluate. Take her skydiving or even to a horrormovie, everything is better than a boring dinnerdate.
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