Amandabanana6 Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 I will quickly explain my situation. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me at the end of August. It took me a month and a half of begging to realize that I couldn't make him want me back. So it's been about 2 months of basically NC with a hurtful text from him once and me asking if we could exchange things, which by the way still hasn't happened. I've been reading a lot of posts on here and I know I have to focus on me right now. I do try to do that. BUT there are still those down times when I start to think about him and miss him. I am really trying to block it out but I really miss what I had with him. Does anyone have any more advice other than get a makeover or read a book? I want the girl back that was fine with being single and felt sorry for the girls that were scared to be alone. I never thought I would be that girl...now I just want to fix the pain with a new relationship. I know I am just looking for a quick fix..I just want to fix this pain. What can I do to get me back? Thanks in advance guys...
bl22 Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 reinvent yourself gym, new clothes, seeing friends, bettering any flaws you may have, eating right, doing things that make you feel good, setting yourself goals.
chuzzbug Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 A makeover won't help - it will delay the process of grieving and moving on. Usually, these kind of makeovers are external and don't address the real source of pain - your feelings. Sure, buying a new *fill in the blank* may distract you, but it's not authentic. Books are useful, like "Loss and Change" and "Rebuilding when Relationships End". But ultimately, it is time that heals. Time allows you to psychologically disentangle yourself, which is important. To erect a new framework of meaning, which is crucial. You're going to feel volatile and crappy and this is part of the normal process. Give it 6 months and cut yourself slack - allow yourself to feel up, down, sideways, or nothing at all. You don't want to block anything out. It's important to let feelings and thoughts come freely - turning away from them now will only defer, not avoid. Don't isolate yourself, and try not to engage in self-destructive behaviour. You're already feeling down - you don't need to beat yourself up for new behaviour (compulsive drinking, eating, whatever...). You will get yourself back. Or more correctly, you will come out of this process and will be able to feel happiness and joy and enthusiasm again. You will be different, with memories of your boyfriend, but they will not elicit sharp pangs of pain and anxiety. I am in the middle of this - after 10 year marriage. I should read my own advice - a lot easier to read than take! Good luck and hang in there.
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