AZGarnethawk Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Well I have been reading and replying to people with my experiences and my thoughts, suggestions and advice and you wonder where this newcomer came from and what brought them here. What brought me here is my relationship is in the toilet and there is nothing I can do. The sad fact is I know it should have stayed that way awhile ago, but I'm a dead set romantic who believes love WILL conquer all....I just have not found anyone to give me that love. MY story like anyone's is long and involved and full of hurt, happiness, and endings, with a few new beginnings mixed in. So to start I am the child of an affiar. My mother's husband knew I was not his kid and divorced her. My real father had a family and he did not want to take care of a bastard. My mother remarried my stepdad who at the time was a drunk. He emotionally, mentally, and physically abused me until I was 16 and ran away. I was forced to go back by the police time and time again. There was no way a decorated officer of the US Air Force could abuse the child he adopted to violently. Yet, he had. When I was 18 I married my first husband. I went from being my stepfather's punching bag to my husbands play thing. LoL. I know now I only married him to escape my stepdad. By 19 I was a mother of a beautiful little boy and by 21 I was divorced, homeless, and without my son. My husband made it so he got custody and took him to japan. I was in and out of one bad relationship after another and returning home time and again. And then God saw it fit to bless me with another child. Mu daughter. And my life changed. I had become an alcholic on my way to drug abuse when I found out I was preggers. My little bird saved my life. She became my hope. My new beginning. My daughter's father was in the process of getting a divorce and when he found out I was pregnant he told me he did not want the baby and she ruined his life. Well I would not let my little girl feel as I did when I was a child and I moved back home. While there I met and married my second husband. Another large mistake on my part, but I had not taken the time to love me. I was still in survival mode and I wanted out of my stepdad's house so once again I married the wrong man for all the wrong reasons. It ended only a yr after we were married and I had to run from TN to AZ, because the husband had become insane. I went to live with my long time absent father and his new wife. People change right? Not this person he only became more sick. in 2005 I met a man and ended up moving in with him because my stepmother kicked my and my daughter out. On chirstmas eve of the same year I found out he was cheating on me. I was not overly hurt so I knew he wrong for me and moved back to the dad's house. We made an agreement to buy a home for my daughter and I. Everything was going awesome for the time being. I now call it the calm before the storm that wrecked my life. I had decided not to date until I knew who I was and what I wanted and my daughter and I lived pretty well. I had a great job, a nice car, and my own home. And in august of 2006 my dad ruined it all with one letter. He wrote to me about everything that was going on. And in the end of it he told me that he wanted to have a sexual relationship with me. My world fell apart. My galbladder shut down, I was out of work on short term disability, and the worst I had to rely on my dad *gag* and stepmother to help me. I finally got back to work, but the damage was done. My life would never be the same. In nov I met the man I am with now. He was a God send, but that would soon change. He is verbally abusive and very self-centered. I dealt with this for 4 yrs and counting. In that time we broke up once, and it was the straw that broke me. I tried taking my own life and failed. I had not dealt with the blow my father had delievered to me. I had always wanted to be daddy's little girl and I had to that for awhile after meeting my real father. But not he wanted me to be daddy's little whore. I lost my daughter to child protective services and began fighting to get her back. It took me another 2 yrs before they would be out of my life. During that time I was on again off again with the man I am with now. After I got her back we spilt again and this time I was sure it was for good and I was in place and mind set to deal with it after yrs of counceling. Then after one and 1/2 months he posted this poem filled with so much love and regret I made the mistake of contacting him. We rushed getting back together. We would not leave each other's sides for one month and decided it might be good if I moved in with him and his son. I ended up in a car wreck. Car was totalled, I was sitting still and hit by the other person who was going 50 mph. Thankfully I was alone. I suffered a neck, shoulder, and head injury that I am still dealing with. Our sex life turned from three four times a day to nothing at all. My head and heck and shoulders are always killing me. My dr has kept me from work. And our relationship went in the toilet. I am here because he expects to get a large lump of cash from my car wreck cause he has "taken care" of me for the last three months. Having to pay all the bills and what not. But his kind of care would drive most people to jumping out the window screaming. He reminds me every day what a failure I am and how he cannot wait to be alone again. We have no money and when my parents sent me money to buy my daughter stuff for christams he made me feel guilty for not handing it over for bills. I refused by now I was sleeping on the couch and our relationship is dead in the water. I got her stuff for chirstmas now he is making me feel guilty because I did not spend over $20 of the money on his son. So I live here sleeping on the couch and just this morning he started in on me. Reminding me I owe him money and how things just wont work and how mature he is and how immature I am because I am upset over the way he is treating me. He cannot accept blame where it is due and everyday he threatens to send my and my child to our house that has had the utilities cut off. I would lose her in an instant if CPS found out that little fact. I asked for his help in cleaning out and fixing up my home for sale and four months later is it still sitting empty and I have to shell out $305 a month for it. He wont take me there so that I can fix it up. He's in construction and made me pay him $1000 to paint my house of which I still owe him $550 and he will demand payment when tax returns come in this year. He will also demand half of the bills for the last four months and counting. Not caring it will be the only money I get until my dr releases me to work. So this morning I sat at the computer after he left for work crying my eyes out and found this site. I have lived through so much and thought I could offer adice and help to others out there who see no light at the end of the tunnel. I know that this hard situation will end. It is only a matter of time. I forgot to mention that my stepdad turned over a new leaf and apologised for the abuse and he is the only reason I still have a home and he sends money to help me and my little bird out. I know when I can sell the house I'll move back to TN with them and start fresh after the deep blows I've been dealt here. I am just waiting for that tax return to buy a car and sell my house and move on. So that is me in a nutshell and my pain that still bleeds today.
january2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Welcome AZGarnethawk I'm sorry about the circumstances that brought you here but I'm glad you found us. You've been through so much and you're still standing. It's amazing and a testament to your strength of character. I don't have any advice to give regarding your situation because I feel that you already know what you need to do. I hope you find comfort in posting and reading others' stories and your situation improves very soon - you deserve a break and some happy things to happen.
Recommended Posts