Anyone else not into the "no contact" game?

[shopgrl]

I dated my ex for 3 years and we recently broke up last week. Going back into our relationship..... after 8 months into our relationship, I broke up with him for a few weeks because I was not certain what I wanted. Anyway, he was literally devestated and continued to call me and come over. I was hurt myself because I truly did care for him. But he really showed me how much he cared and wanted to be with me during our break up. At any rate, we ended up getting back together after 2 weeks. Honestly, if he wouldn't have continued to pursue me and just went on his way, I don't think I wouldn've gotten back together with him. I think I would've just cut my losses and moved on.

 

This most recent break up though is somewhat different. It's on this forum so I don't want to go through it all again. The short version is that he was looking for a ring for me and we were looking for a house in February. Come March, he begins having "doubts" and "questions" and doesn't know if he even wants to get married. Cold feet maybe???, I don't know. So we decided to go our separate ways because we obviously are on two different pages.

 

So now I'm in the "no contact zone". He contacted me once after our break up and I contacted him once (both non- relationship related). I'm having a difficult time being in this "no contact zone" because it's not something I believe it, it's just something that everyone says is the right thing to do.

 

I truly love my ex with all my heart and I want to work things out between us, I mean, as long as he wants to. I've always believed that if you truly love someone or something you should go for it..... Love has no boundaries. Now, I'm just confused and torn.

 

I by no means want to or plan on calling my ex and pouring out my heart. Actually I don't know what I'd say if I called him. I probably wouldn't even bring up "us" and just see how everything's going.

 

To me, this no contact thing is just a game that I'm playing. Does anyone else feel that way?

[manolo]

I feel like it's a game also just to see who would give in first. Me and my girlfriend broke up two months ago and she still contacts me every once in while even though she is seeing someone else. I guess its that female curiosity. I still love this girl very much but I am not going to contact her for atleast a month with no comunication whatsoever. It's for the best. That way she can forget all the bad things in the relationship and remember all the good. And maybe things will work out better this time. This is our first breakup during our three year relationship. I think she's going to come back to me and dump the other guy. She is in a rebound relationship and those never work out besides we have to much history and that I think is something special between two people. Or I may be wrong. Maybe this new guy is the one guy that she always wanted. Only time will tell. Eventually I'll find out wether she wants to come back to me or stay with the new guy. In the mean time I will keep busy and enjoy myself with friends and family. Good luck shopgrl.

[UCFKevin]

Like I said in another post, I think it's BS. It's a total game. It's ridiculous.

[Ganderson]

I hate this "female curiousity" BS!!!!! Even though my ex is the one that initiated the call, its content was not related to rebuild the relationship. She just wanted to know whether I was depressed or not

[shopgrl]

I have to admit though, when I was younger, like in high school, I enjoyed playing these types of games. But being 25 y/o now, this no contact thing is absurd. This game should have an age limit.

 

I understand the concept of giving an ex time to miss you, time to realize what they lost and figure out what they want-- That makes sense to me. I even understand the need for a break in a relationship b/c after some time, often people begin to take each other for granted. But to refrain from contacting an ex despite every gut instinct telling you to just sounds so ridiculous. It's simply a game to see who will give in first. Whoever does is the "loser" or the "weaker one".

 

If you love someone, you love someone, simple as that. If my ex called me today, I wouldn't want to be with him any more or any less than I do this very second than if he didn't contact me. I wouldn't think, "oh he wants me so bad so now I don't want him anymore" That's crazy. Or, in the alternative, if he never contacts me again, it wouldn't make me want to be with him any more or any less than if he had contacted me.

 

I'm a firm believer in what's meant to be will happen. Screw the no contact rule.

[overseas2004]

I hate it too but in my case I had no choice. My ex only contacted me once after the break up. Then he came over. We talked about our relationship. I asked him if we were better of this way ... apart. And he said "he did not know". So what am I supposed to do? Just keep calling and begging?

 

I don't think that helps either. I tried. He is still supposedly figuring things out. On the other hand I doubt he is. WE broke up on Feb 7 and we have seen each other once. So I don't think I can do anything but be forced to play the no contact rule.

 

And if you call you may find out the same. But so go for it. At least you will know where you stand.

[shopgrl]

overseas-- I agree with you. I think you are correct in not contacting your ex. He says he needs time, so give him just that. I don't believe in call stalking and begging an ex to reconcile either. Acting desperate doesn't work in any situation. I believe that you have to show an ex that you don't "need" them to be happy. That you're moving on with or without them.

 

I've done a lot of thinking since my breakup. I'm not going to call my ex. Not because I'm playing the "game" but simply because right now, I don't want to. Granted, I miss him, I love him and I want to work things out, but today is not the day.

 

I think when you set your mind to this "no contact game", thinking "oh no, I can't call him, he has to call me", your mind plays tricks on you and makes you want to call that person even more because you know it's "against the rules".

[mach3]

I agree it's BS. But sometimes I think it's for the better. I laid everything out for my ex, how I felt, what I wanted for us, what I thought was wrong, etc. IMO, the ball's in her court now. You cannot make someone love you, or miss you. You can tell them how you feel, once, twice a few times, don't hold back. But after that?

 

On a related note. I am trying to go w/ the no contact rule, loosely. We got into it pretty bad this weekend, upsetting phone call. It ended bad - so the no contact was not a stretch by any means. So I get a nastly call about picking something up from my place yesterday, just a snipey message, I don't return the call. When I get home, I see she came and got a few things. I call back to see when she wants to get the rest and leave the key. Again harsh tone, I keep it short and wish her luck with a business event we were supposed to attend that night, obviously I'm not going at this point. An hour later I get a call asking why I'm not going - and she's pissed! I told her I'm not playing head games here, I just didn't think it would be good for me to attend. I think it becomes painfully more obvious each day, she wants me around for certains aspects of her life, but not others...