put Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Hi, I'm a 22 year old guy. I've only been in one real relationship ever, lasting about half a year and ending just a couple months ago. I have tons of female friends, and some of them have agreed to introduce me to other girls who I might be interested in, but I haven't done this yet. But here is the situation that I would like advice about. I'm being so stupid. I was hanging out with my roommate and five or so girls, all but one in relationships, the other night. We all got very, very drunk. The one single girl (who is really good looking) and I have known each other for years, and I am positive that she hasn't ever been interested in me. In any case, we went to my room, laid on my bed, and talked sort of about our relationship problems. She pretty much said that she thought that she was really unattractive and I ended up telling her that no she wasn't. She talked about how guys aren't interested and I told her yes they are. The girls in the other room thought that we were/should be hooking up, but I didn't even try. My roommate came in for a second, thought it was awkward and wanted to leave, but I told him it was OK. I proceded to try *very, very hard* to hook them up (she would have done it for sure), but they didn't. This might sound stupid, but I think that at the very minimum I should be able to bring myself to hit on this girl, even if I know she's not interested. I'm a guy and that's what we should do. The fact that the other girls thought that we should leads me to believe that maybe at that moment I had a shot anyways. This girl and I are going to new years together as a fake couple (we pretend to be going out sometime). While I know that I could probably never make her interested, I would like to know if there is any sort of way that I can basically make her not think of me as some sort of emotional tampon which is what I feel like she might think of me as now. Help! Thanks!
january2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 No need to beat yourself up about this.Just because other people expect you to hook up with someone, it doesn't mean that you should.Don't be a creep and hit on someone you know is definitely not interested in being hit on.If she's not interested in you and you can't offer her friendship, walk away.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 The way to not be an emotional tampon, is to not be an emotional tampon. If she fishes for compliments and reassurance, you dont give it to her. When you give her compliments that she fishes for, youre pretty much showing her that youre kissing her ass, which no one really wants. It implies that you wont stand up to her if she gets on your case. No one wants someone that they can walk all over. She's probably had bf's that shes walked all over before, and thats not a road that she enjoys, so she tests to see who she cant get one over on. Picture yourself saying what shes saying to a girl and figure out how you would want someone to react. Its her testing you by giving you trick conversation to see how you react, and by kissing her ass you failed. If she fishes for compliments again, you change the subject, or give her trick answers. Just make up silly stuff - tease her like she was your little sister. It tells her that you arent going to kiss her ass, you dont need her, and you wont take her bullshyt. You also have to keep it lighthearted and fun, make her laugh about it. if she isnt into you after that, then she was never interested. Go into it assuming she isnt interested anyway, then you wont develop expectations, and you wont be disappointed in case of rejection.
Author put Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 (edited) No need to beat yourself up about this.Just because other people expect you to hook up with someone, it doesn't mean that you should.Don't be a creep and hit on someone you know is definitely not interested in being hit on.If she's not interested in you and you can't offer her friendship, walk away. Thanks for the tips. This does help. Idk if this matters but I definitely wouldn't be a creep for hitting on her if she's not interested; we both hit on each other all the time, just playfully... That's part of what makes this so frustrating! There was no risk in playing it the other way! I am struggling with trying to figure out how I could possibly be such an idiot with girls. As I said, it would have been a sure thing for my roommate if he had wanted it; yet he's not significantly better looking than I am and he hadn't even really talked to this girl at all. I'm so bad that even if this girl would do anyone, I would still be disqualified. Edited December 24, 2010 by put
Ross PK Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Sound like she likes you. I wish this would happen to me. I'm 35 and it never has.
Author put Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Is there any way for me to try to recover from this/figure things out when I see her next in a few days?
shayan Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Are you stupid (in a completely nonoffensive way) did you read what Eddie Edirol wrote. His advice is golden don't kiss a woman's ass treat her like you would treat anyone else. Like an eqaul nothing more nothing less. Constant complimenting and just agreeing are boring and if you really like someone be real with them. Like just talk to her, when she brings up other guys tell her let's talk about something interesting. Unless you want to be her friend which is different. But don't be an emotional tampon.
cutecatch Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 There are so many things wrong with your post I do not know where to start. Fake couple, having a girl in your bed and not making a move it sounds like you are in preschool. Sack up be a man and make a move
Author put Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 There are so many things wrong with your post I do not know where to start. Fake couple, having a girl in your bed and not making a move it sounds like you are in preschool. Sack up be a man and make a move I agree. It is pretty ridiculous. Though the more I think about it, the less I think she was interested. I've hit on her so many times in the past that I would I have known by now if she was. I told a friend who knows both the girl and me an abbreviated version of the story and he agreed that she probably isn't/wasn't interested. The only thing that makes me think otherwise is that the girls in the other room were trying to cheer me on. Also this girl and I are probably not going to be a fake couple any more since its a different party now, where being single will be less awkward. I think the dumbest thing I did was to try to hook her up with my roommate though. She did think that our conversation was hilarious though, even considering that.
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