Random vent (ex gf)

[mogul]

Its crazy how long its been since we last talked and how exactly one year ago we were together and happy. It felt like yesterday. I loved you and felt like it was us against the world, and we were going to win. I gave you my heart, my all. You knew exactly the type of person I was, and you changed me for the better. We were so comfortable with each other and I live with memories and regrets everyday. You were right about some things and I wish I could take it all back. I wish I never did those things to you, I wish I never yelled at you, I wish I never cheated, I wish I never let you slip out of my hands when I meant the world to you. I fcking hate myself. You were everything to me.

 

I have good days, and bad days. I lie to myself every day. I don't know why I feel this way. No one knows how I truly feel inside. I wake up, put on a smile and live my life. Yet, you're my first thought waking up and last thought before I go to bed. I'm not myself. No one compares to you. Sex doesn't feel the same without you. Its so much more than that. Its knowing we make each other truly happy. I fcking HATE myself. I wish I can hate you but I can't. I can't believe you can be with someone else so quickly. FCK ! How the FCK do you just throw away everything like that? I've tried so hard but I can't replace you. How could you replace me? I'm so over the looks, the physical, I just want you. I've matured and grown so much in the past few months. I would give up everything I have to be with you and just live a simple life. I could care less about the material things, I would give up my livelihood for you. I don't care about going out, drunken nights, sluts, I miss you. I want to watch movies with you, cook with you, play stupid games with you, laugh with you, hold you, smell your hair, tickle each other and just laugh at the stupidest things. You threw all that away when you got with someone else. I hope you're happy. He's a fcking loser and will NEVER get to where I am. You made the biggest mistake of your life, live with it. Not like you care. A nobody, what I have accomplished, he will never get to. My life is set, and its only going to get better and I honestly wanted you here with me since you were there from the start. I don't understand you, I don't understand myself. I hate you for being able to emotionally replace me. Every girl I've been with since, I compare to you. If you can honestly share the same laughs with him ,I truly wish you the best. Me personally, I miss everything. I reminisce. I guess I'm just thinking of our plans for the future, and how a year ago this day we were so happy and in love. I want to wish you a merry Christmas, I wanted to get you something, but I keep it all inside. You killed me when you ended it, when I was truly ready to make a change. I am so confused about why we broke up sometimes. At times I feel like I saw it coming, other times, I feel like it was out of the blue. I am sooo confused. I want to fight for you, go all out for you but it will be pointless. In my heart, I don't know if I can ever forgive you for being with someone else. I honestly always thought we would somehow find a way back to each other, now I don't know. I don't know what makes me happy in life anymore. I have all the things I want, I have great people around me, but you're always going to be the missing piece. I fill my life with materialistic possessions, and its sickening. You ruined me. I want to burn everything. I want to be able to throw all our pictures away. I want to be able to forget everything. I want to be over you. I wish I don't have you haunting me when I'm with any girl. I just want to be happy again. Truly happy. With or without you. Theres so many triggers that make me think of you. Places we've been, songs we used to sing along to, songs that remind me of you, EVERYTHING. He will never love you the way I love/d you. He can't do half the things I can nor can he get you out of any situation. You fckd up. I was the best thing to ever happen to you. I'm a mess. You left, I'll survive. I will find love again. I just need to get over you. I hope that many years from now, you'll think back to us and just smile about how happy we both were. I hope I'll be a happy memory that you'll never forget. You won't remember me the same way I'll remember you. You were my first love. I was an ******* and you changed me. I fell in love. Cliche, but true.

 

 

Sorry for long vent, drunk, holidays. FML

[make me feel better]

best of luck to you. i can relate to some of the things in your post. i hope you find the closure you need to move on with your life.. with or without her; and to be happy again. its difficult to forget about someone who has made such an impact in our lives. hindsight is 20/20. i never remember so much detail about my past relationship until it was over 4 months ago. now every memory, from the smallest detail, seems so vivid in my mind like i relive it each day. i can't forget the happiness once shared and how each day pass by so fast with that special person. now everything is coming back to me. full of memories rushing into my head. i miss being happy again. you never truly appreciate someone until they're gone...

[mogul]

Babes, who am I kidding.... I still love you =( I wish you could see me now and what I'm doing, and just be with me. Always said we'd be the couple that ends up together no matter what. I can't ever get back with you now, you just had to move on so quickly. No one is going to love you the way I did, you won't ever feel as comfortable with anyone else and be yourself and do the dorky things. I miss the old days. Doing all the things we used to, young, in love and ready to face the world together. Dreams, hopes, gone.

[NeNinja]

I feel for you man. I was de-exing my apartment earlier today and realized that the picture on my dresser was from last New Year's Eve and we're both smiling like we wouldn't ever stop.

 

Do you listen to music? Check out a Rocket to the Moon. When you're feeling angry play 'Life of the Party' and when you miss her a little play 'Like We Used To.' It's helped me. It might help you.

[coltsfan1]

mogul, I am at the same place. My ex cheated on me after months of telling me she just wanted to leave with me and be my wife. she told all our friends that WHILE she was cheating... Some people are broken and they only brake people that are around them. Someday your ex will reap what they have sown. People always get back what they put in. Someone on here has a sig. that says success and happiness is the best revenge. Just keep doing what you are doing. When the time is right you will meet another person who is right for you and you in turn will be right for them. I just keep telling myself this all the time, it doesn't make the pain go away but it does give me hope for the future.