3rdwheel Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 So I have had LC for 6 weeks and NC with xMM for 2 1/2 weeks. I was doing so good. Focusing on my M, feeling better about myself, questioning his intentions and generally MOVING ON. Then today, I go to work and there is an email from him. The subject title is "Our" song. My heart automatically starts beating faster, it's hard to breath and my head starts pounding. It was a very short email, where he called me his pet name for me, told me he was thinking about me and wished me a Merry Christmas. What is it about him that absolutely brings me to my knees?!?!? I was doing so good. Argggghhhh! Just needed to vent!
Confused4Now Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 So I have had LC for 6 weeks and NC with xMM for 2 1/2 weeks. I was doing so good. Focusing on my M, feeling better about myself, questioning his intentions and generally MOVING ON. Then today, I go to work and there is an email from him. The subject title is "Our" song. My heart automatically starts beating faster, it's hard to breath and my head starts pounding. It was a very short email, where he called me his pet name for me, told me he was thinking about me and wished me a Merry Christmas. What is it about him that absolutely brings me to my knees?!?!? I was doing so good. Argggghhhh! Just needed to vent!Wow he's really focusing isn't he. What a ASS...right before Christmas. What a jerk....I'd have more respect for him if he left you alone...it's already hard enough during the holiday when your thinking of him. HUGS TO YOU!!!
wheelwright Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Wow he's really focusing isn't he. What a ASS...right before Christmas. What a jerk....I'd have more respect for him if he left you alone...it's already hard enough during the holiday when your thinking of him. HUGS TO YOU!!! I agree about hugs. Well, the truth might be a way to go. For him.
siuys Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 So I have had LC for 6 weeks and NC with xMM for 2 1/2 weeks. I was doing so good. Focusing on my M, feeling better about myself, questioning his intentions and generally MOVING ON. Then today, I go to work and there is an email from him. The subject title is "Our" song. My heart automatically starts beating faster, it's hard to breath and my head starts pounding. It was a very short email, where he called me his pet name for me, told me he was thinking about me and wished me a Merry Christmas. What is it about him that absolutely brings me to my knees?!?!? I was doing so good. Argggghhhh! Just needed to vent! It's the drug. It's the love addiction. You are still hooked. In my opinion, LC doesn't work, it only makes you want him more, and 2.5 weeks of NC is not quite long enough yet. Hang in there. It's a hook. Of course you still have feelings for him, but it doesn't mean you should reply. His email has thrown you back a few steps, but not to worry coz you can pick yourself up and continue the journey. Don't fall for it.
newpriorities Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 So I have had LC for 6 weeks and NC with xMM for 2 1/2 weeks. I was doing so good. Focusing on my M, feeling better about myself, questioning his intentions and generally MOVING ON. Then today, I go to work and there is an email from him. The subject title is "Our" song. My heart automatically starts beating faster, it's hard to breath and my head starts pounding. It was a very short email, where he called me his pet name for me, told me he was thinking about me and wished me a Merry Christmas. What is it about him that absolutely brings me to my knees?!?!? I was doing so good. Argggghhhh! Just needed to vent! Hi, yes, this is the most ridiculous part, isn't it? I am supposedly on LC b/c we work together and yet received an email outside of work today and was on my knees as well! It was so pathetic!!! It is an unhealthy addiction and we need to recognize it as such and learn strategies to get rid of it!
awkward Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Both of you get up. Don't let these MM bring you to your knees ... EVER! (Well, ok if they show up in a year proving they are divorced, live independently, and finished up their counseling, then and only then you can get on your knees. But that will be out of love and not pain!) Don't ever let them hurt you so much. These MM aren't worth it. They really aren't.
newpriorities Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Both of you get up. Don't let these MM bring you to your knees ... EVER! (Well, ok if they show up in a year proving they are divorced, live independently, and finished up their counseling, then and only then you can get on your knees. But that will be out of love and not pain!) Don't ever let them hurt you so much. These MM aren't worth it. They really aren't. Ok 3rd--are you up? I'm up and putting a smile on my face and trying to stand tall today--are you with me???:bunny:
Author 3rdwheel Posted December 25, 2010 Author Posted December 25, 2010 Ok 3rd--are you up? I'm up and putting a smile on my face and trying to stand tall today--are you with me??? I'm up! Thank you all for the support. I am focusing on the family and starting to feel good about myself again! I am up!!!
carrie999 Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 I'm sorry to hear this! What a jerk...he's feeling lonely and missing you, and chooses Christmas Eve after weeks of NC (and many more of LC) to reach out to you. I hope you continue to focus on family and choose to ignore him entirely. Tempting as it might be, don't even send him the perfunctory "Merry Christmas." Just move on... Merry Christmas to you, and I hope that the new year brings you infinitely more joy than you ever thought you'd find with him.
jj33 Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 Its hard when they contact you but it gets easier over time. My A ended 3 years ago and I still get a little ping when he contacts me as he did this week wondering if we could have dinner.. (no I did not see him) There would be no point. He is still married and so there is no need. I have no idea why they feel the need to continue the contact when there is nothing that has changed. My brain is tired of trying to figure it out. I can only imagine that they have this "what might have been" feeling in their hearts and every so often they like to indulge in it and to rekindle their memories. But so soon after ending it you have to be on guard that he may think that he can convince you to continue the A on some terms. Take good care and have faith that the new year will bring someone even better into your life.
half_ofa_heart Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 Its hard when they contact you but it gets easier over time. My A ended 3 years ago and I still get a little ping when he contacts me as he did this week wondering if we could have dinner.. (no I did not see him) There would be no point. He is still married and so there is no need. I have no idea why they feel the need to continue the contact when there is nothing that has changed. My brain is tired of trying to figure it out. I can only imagine that they have this "what might have been" feeling in their hearts and every so often they like to indulge in it and to rekindle their memories. But so soon after ending it you have to be on guard that he may think that he can convince you to continue the A on some terms. Take good care and have faith that the new year will bring someone even better into your life. Wow JJ... are you telling me that 3 years AFTER the A ENDED he still tries to contact you???? OMG I really need to work on my strength cuz just 1 month with NC and I folded like a house of cards.
jj33 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I folded too at the begining. I think most people do. Not folded to mean having sex with him but folded in terms of being in contact and for the first 6 months after we ended it we went out a number of times talked about things etc all the while him hoping I would return to the A. At one point i did go back but it was still the same issue, wasnt enough and then it was really over (about 9 months later). But he kept coming back and using work as an excuse. Then over a year after it ended he really tried to come back to the A then I made it clear he was never to ask that again if he wasnt single to forget it and nonetheless he likes to see me just for dinner or a drink or lunch. Its very painful for me and I try to keep it to a minimum. We just had a little routine work meeting (catch up sort of thing) a few months ago so there is no need to see me the week before christmas. And each time I now remind myself if he had "news" (like I just wanted to let you know I have left my wife) he would make sure he told me. The call prompted nightmares that he wanted to tell me he was leaving and marrying my old boss (who I have a bit of a rivalry with) and other similar things. Its the gift that keeps on giving what can i say. I know if I had met someone new in the interim that i reallu liked it wouldnt bother me. Someone just asked me out and I am going after the holidays. I am not into him but we have to do something for work and we are having a drink after. I have to at least go out with someone. Ive only been on one other date since we broke up. But I am clear that its better to be alone than to be in an A that I want more from. Had I been happy with the time we had together it would have been one thing but I was not. And now looking back if I went back now, I would be really sad because I would be resigning myself to this is all I will ever have and it just wasnt enough for either of us. It worked for a certain period of time and then our relationship outgrew the constraints of the A. And we are both so busy now we dont have as much time to spend together during the week. Its funny if he left now, we would probably see each other less than we did during the A. I cant go have lunch with him on the spur of the moment, am not as free duing the evenings during the week etc. We shared a moment in time. But it really annoys me that he is still asking me can we have dinner this week as if we were the best of friends. Its a big deal to me to have to see him one on one and he knows it. Selfish. Selfish selfish. If he didnt know how I felt would be one thing, but he does. And clearly he doesnt care. Or simply doesnt get it. Hang in there. You will get through this
awkward Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Glad to hear you ladies are doing better. Someone just asked me out and I am going after the holidays. I am not into him but we have to do something for work and we are having a drink after. I have to at least go out with someone. Ive only been on one other date since we broke up. Wow JJ I hope you have a blast. Keep us updated. One date in all these years? Girl you need to get out there a bit more. Hopefully Mr. Perfect is around the corner.
jj33 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Glad to hear you ladies are doing better. Wow JJ I hope you have a blast. Keep us updated. One date in all these years? Girl you need to get out there a bit more. Hopefully Mr. Perfect is around the corner. I am out all the time more than most people but noone asks me out. What can I say? Im going to try to be more approachable in the new year and see what happens. Its harder as you get older (50s) but there must be someone out there for me. I certainly hoipe so. Id hate to think that man was the last romance I will ever have. But better alone than back in an A. To me its the death of hope (for a relationship that meets my needs). I dont think I have any interest in the guy who asked me out but its a start. Not being with anyone makes me wistful and angry when he contacts me socially. Wistful because he was my last great romance, angry because its selfish for him to keep contacting me when he knows I wont go back to the A. The aftermath of an A can be really difficult. It can if you are not careful really test your view of yourself and your life and what you want and your future. OP I isolated myself emotionally even though I was technically "out there". Dont do that. Get right back in there and make your future what you want it to be.
half_ofa_heart Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I know what you mean jj... I feel I'm not approachable either and think all the time that if I could just open myself up to a NORMAL relationship that I'd be happier. But right now, I need to focus on me and figure out how the heck I allowed myself to get here. LS is helping with a lot of it. It's comforting knowing that I'm not the only person who goes through this. You are an inspiration like so many on this site.
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