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threesome in marriage, do or do not?

meJCK

By meJCK
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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meJCK New Member

meJCK

Posted
Posted

threesome idea was came from my husband head when we had a conversation about "our fantasy".

 

i told him that it made me felt "i'm not good enough for him" and also feels not being loved. But he told that he love me as much as he can do in our marriage outside the sex. He can't love me while we're doing,it can't turn him on.

 

i want to make him happy but i will hurt me.

 

so what should i do?

Yasuandio Established Member

Yasuandio

Posted
Posted

If you know this request for a threesome is going to be "hurtful" to you in advance, then by no means comply! A fantasy is not reality. In fact, I suspect the forum would agree that your husband has made a selfish request, to say the least. Such a request is not only unaccectable, but demeaning. As Nancy Regan put it, "Just say NO." Wonder what his response would be if the table was turned? Keep that in mind, and/or plant the same seed in his mind. Whatever, do not give in to such nonsense.

quankanne Established Member

quankanne

Posted
Posted

they're fantasies for a reason ... because there's a whole hell of a lot at stake if you acted them out when you're not psychologically or emotionally in a spot to do so.

 

if *he* loves you, he wouldn't expect you to do something outside your comfort zone, plain and simple. And you're not less of a good, loving wife if you decide it's not for you.

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
threesome idea was came from my husband head when we had a conversation about "our fantasy".

 

i told him that it made me felt "i'm not good enough for him" and also feels not being loved. But he told that he love me as much as he can do in our marriage outside the sex. He can't love me while we're doing,it can't turn him on.

 

i want to make him happy but i will hurt me.

 

so what should i do?

 

 

 

Of course it will hurt you. And the "not good enough" feeling is the least of your concerns.

 

The threesome would just put your marriage needlessly at risk, because it is extremely difficult to pull off a threesome without one party being/seeming/feeling like a 3rd wheel to the seeming 'coupling' of the other.

 

When your marriages risks TWO chances at containing the person being/seeming/feeling like the 3rd wheel, then there is a 66% chance of one of the two of you being hurt, perhaps irreparably.

 

 

Just not a sound risk.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted

Tell him sure you'd love a threesome, does he know any suitable GUYS to invite into your bedroom, or should you just go to a bar and pick up a random man?

 

But seriously, no. Leave it in fantasy where it belongs. If you're not into it too (and probably even if you are) then it will mean the end of your marriage.

Lauriebell82 Established Member

Lauriebell82

Posted
Posted

I agree with the other posters that you shouldn't do it. You should never feel forced to do something you are uncomfortable with. This is a very selfish request of your husband's. Tell him NO.

Feelin Frisky Established Member

Feelin Frisky

Posted
Posted

At best he should only ask if you'd be into it. If you're not, then that's that. Pressuring you to do something like that which is not something you would do is selfish and wrong.

Darth Vader Established Member

Darth Vader

Posted
Posted
threesome idea was came from my husband head when we had a conversation about "our fantasy".

 

i told him that it made me felt "i'm not good enough for him" and also feels not being loved. But he told that he love me as much as he can do in our marriage outside the sex. He can't love me while we're doing,it can't turn him on.

 

i want to make him happy but i will hurt me.

 

so what should i do?

 

 

Don't do it! Plain and simple!

freestyle Established Member

freestyle

Posted
Posted

I've known a few couples over the years that have tried it, thinking they needed to "spice things up".

 

Every couple ended up divorced, not long afterwards.

 

I guess there are some couples who can practice polyamory with no negative consequences---but both parties have to be accepting for it to work.

 

You have every right to put your foot down and say "NO", if it's not your thing.

Distant78 Established Member

Distant78

Posted
Posted

And watch his behavior more closely from now on because people in relationships who ask that question don't give up easily on wanting to screw someone else.

Lovinhimlovinher Established Member

Lovinhimlovinher

Posted
Posted

Coming from someone who has had several threesomes with her husband, I will tell you that it can be very exciting and work fine. However this is ONLY if you are BOTH into it. If this is one sided then it will not end well. If he pushes the matter then you need to sit him down and tell him what you are feeling. If he does not take your concerns to heart then maybe you need to consider all of your options.

UnsureinSeattle Established Member

UnsureinSeattle

Posted
Posted

Boy, if you're gonna do it, you have to both want it.

 

This is where Dan Savage would say something like "Say sure, if you get to have the MM/F threesome that YOU'VE always wanted." Make that a condition...! "Sure honey, you can have your fantasy if I get to have mine..."

112233 Established Member

112233

Posted
Posted
i told him that it made me felt "i'm not good enough for him" and also feels not being loved.

 

My GF wants to get another girl for "fun", in fact she's picked up a few already but I dragged my heels so it was off. I've done the FFM and FFFM thing, but I'm concerned about the effect on the relationship.

 

I have no issues other than that.

 

Since it's HER idea, should I go along since I really have no objection to the idea, or is it still a minefield? Anyone had this happen before?

 

She is a huge kink, so maybe it's just her wanting to have fun.

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted

Open marriage will not work if it comes from a place of dissatisfaction with the closed one. Period. That is not an open marriage - it is infidelity with permission.

 

If he is saying that he can't be attracted to you, then it is time to talk separation instead of open marriage because without that component you are roommates, not husband and wife. If you agree to an 'open marriage' then he will simply tolerate your presence while he focuses his attention on the woman he is most attracted to.

 

It will kill your soul. Seriously, don't do it.

 

I wish I had said no to the whole open marriage thing years ago and worked on our problems instead. I'd probably still be married to the man I ultimately love most.

Enema Established Member

Enema

Posted
Posted

If you already know it's going to hurt your marriage and make you feel like shite then don't do it.

 

If you end up doing it anyway, just do three things:

 

1) Make sure it's with a professional escort, all businesses

2) Make some rules about what he's allowed to do

3) Have a safe-word that you can use at any time to call it off

Donutman Member

Donutman

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through...

I can only imagine how that felt when he said those things

 

I believe that humans by nature are not monogamous and that is why there is so much cheating,my wife and I used to be in an open marriage and it was the best years we ever had in our marriage but she decided suddenly it wasn't morally right for her anymore,so now we're monogamous...I'm not very happy about it but we love each other and we'll make it work

 

what concerns me about your situation is that he seemed very disrespectful in the way he talked with you about it

 

I've been involved in 3-somes and I can honestly say it was the best experiences of my life BUT if you feel it will hurt you and he is still pushing you than it is DEFINITELY not a good idea

 

you know yourself better than anyone,don't do something that feels wrong

 

I hope things work out

God bless,

Donutman

Distant78 Established Member

Distant78

Posted
Posted
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through...

I can only imagine how that felt when he said those things

 

I believe that humans by nature are not monogamous and that is why there is so much cheating,my wife and I used to be in an open marriage and it was the best years we ever had in our marriage but she decided suddenly it wasn't morally right for her anymore,so now we're monogamous...I'm not very happy about it but we love each other and we'll make it work

 

what concerns me about your situation is that he seemed very disrespectful in the way he talked with you about it

 

I've been involved in 3-somes and I can honestly say it was the best experiences of my life BUT if you feel it will hurt you and he is still pushing you than it is DEFINITELY not a good idea

 

you know yourself better than anyone,don't do something that feels wrong

 

I hope things work out

God bless,

Donutman

 

Humans are not naturally monogamous but we have the power to control our sexual urges. It's what makes us different from any other animal. You know this, so that doesn't mean an excuse to screw people outside of marriages, with permission or not, nor in your case.

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