Should I walk away? Or hold on Tight.

[Xander689]

I'll try to keep this as short and sweet as possible.

I'm 21, Girl I'm in a relationship with at the moment is 20.

We've been together now for about a year and 2 months.

 

I'm at my final straw with my girlfriend. It seems like I have no communication at all with her. It seems as if whenever i state my opinion, She flips out at me for it (cursing, saying mean and hurtful things, ect.)

I'm trying to figure out if these things can be fixed or it just shows that even as much as I want us to be, we are not meant for one another.

 

To sum it up i'll list everything I'm having issues with and then her issues with me.

 

1. She yells. At every single thing. I got flipped out on because I asked for something to drink and it turned into a big argument, also because I left her a voice mail and i "know how much she hates voicemails" Her excuse: She has to yell because I don't listen. She lacks the ability to engage in a intellectual conversation with me. I can talk calm the whole time and she'll yell above me, call me names, ect.

 

2. We've broken up 431414145151 times. I mean really? I'm not 15 years old. Jesus. She told me she was not "feeling us" anymore because I brought her candy and flowers to her job. She also told me that she is bored of me and is tired of going to movies, ect. and that she should be "having the time of her life right now whether she's single or not" Also that she doesn't want to be "bored" while i'm going to school.

 

3. She says the worst of things to me. She has told me that she hopes I die in my sleep, choke to death. To go **** myself, ect. The list goes on. Even my enemies are shocked at her sudden hatred or strength of words against me.

 

From my stand point it seems like I'm in a lifeless dead end relationship but I love her and I'm not sure what to do. I bend over back wards for her. I buy her everything she needs and DOESNT need. I'm always there for her no matter what. I show her all the love and compassion I could ever give. But yet it seems like I feel like I'm not good enough.

 

She tells me that:

 

I'm an ***hole. Because I think i "know it all" I'm sorry I actually have an education and I take the initiative to learn new things. She doesn't seem to understand that.

 

I'm "distant" Because when I wake up in the morning I don't run down and give her a kiss (she comes over my house 4 days a week) and I don't show her "no love" I mean do I really have to be all up on her 24-7?

Does My life have to consist of pleasing her and making sure she's always happy?

 

I need help. I need to figure out what exactly am I holding on to and why it is so hard to let go. I'm confused and I feel bad for leaving her. I feel more bad for her than myself. Does anyone have any experiences or advice to hand out for this?

 

I feel like that feeling of love i have for her is fading.....

[catgotyourtongue]

I'll try to keep this as short and sweet as possible.

I'm 21, Girl I'm in a relationship with at the moment is 20.

We've been together now for about a year and 2 months.

 

I'm at my final straw with my girlfriend. It seems like I have no communication at all with her. It seems as if whenever i state my opinion, She flips out at me for it (cursing, saying mean and hurtful things, ect.)

I'm trying to figure out if these things can be fixed or it just shows that even as much as I want us to be, we are not meant for one another.

 

She tells me that:

 

I'm an ***hole. Because I think i "know it all" I'm sorry I actually have an education and I take the initiative to learn new things. She doesn't seem to understand that.

 

I'm "distant" Because when I wake up in the morning I don't run down and give her a kiss (she comes over my house 4 days a week) and I don't show her "no love" I mean do I really have to be all up on her 24-7?

Does My life have to consist of pleasing her and making sure she's always happy?

 

FIRST OF ALL: I am sorry you are going through this and dealing with someone who is hurtful and damaging to you.

 

SECOND OF ALL: Good of you to come seek input because I am about 100% certain most people will feel strongly about this....and will easily point out what you might not be seeing.

 

THIRD: RUN FORREST RUN

-this is classic abusive relationship, you are the victim it seems here, not the problem. This is not love, this is abuse. If anyone told me those things and treated me that way, I would feel horrid, unloved and it would highly damage my self esteem. It has damaged yours!! The fact that you are asking what to do shows how badly it has gotten. If you can't see how

harmful this is to you, others will surely chime in. Some will not be nice so be careful, and guard yourself. Plenty of people will straight out tell you xyz and it could get harsh, so put on your armour...and good luck in responses.

 

This in my opinion, is not a way to treat another. You are a doormat to her, a slave, someone she can abuse, kick, humiliate. I don't know what your role in this is, and I cant speak to what you might do to her, or say to her...but her words are daggers and dangerous......dangerous. She needs help, if she feels this way, and you need to get the hell out before she takes away more than your dignity and self esteem.

 

You could probably use some counseling to help heal these wounds....you sound like a really nice guy, protect yourself, and find yourself a nice girl when you are ready, in time....

(hugs)

[joeLove]

If she says such things about you, what attracts you about her? What is it in her that makes you keep coming back after the endless breakups ?

And do you know and believe you can do better?

[catgotyourtongue]

I am sorry, I should have asked you ?'s not just thrown advice at you, that was unfair, I just felt bad for you...so I went in protective mode...

 

YOU SAID:

I need help. I need to figure out what exactly am I holding on to and why it is so hard to let go. I'm confused and I feel bad for leaving her. I feel more bad for her than myself. Does anyone have any experiences or advice to hand out for this?

 

I feel like that feeling of love i have for her is fading.....

 

1. Do you feel there is noone else out there for you?

2. Do you feel bad for maybe leaving her because of something she tells you -or because you are a kind person, or something else?

3. Was your relationship good for a while and just blew up recently?

4. Why do you feel badly for her? Why do you think she is really lashing out at you? Because of something you did, or because of her own issues?

5. What DO you want out of a relationship? Clearly there are things here you dont want. Maybe ask yourself what you do want from someone, or her, and if you know you cant get that here, or with her, you need to consider that.

6. What is the benefit of staying vs the benefit of leaving? make a list, talk to your friends, if you hear the same thing from a lot of people who care abt you, they probably are onto something, so listen to people you trust.

 

best of luck, ending something is never easy, its harsh. YOU are so young and hopefully you will experience love in a healthy way, you have your whole life ahead of you. If she is not the one, then I hope and pray in time you find someone to meet your needs. Being on your own to learn and grow is always helpful too, even when it's hard, it's worth it to have some time and space.

[youngskywalker]

I would say I have a track record of giving second chances and think most relationships end too quickly without a fair shot. I always give the benefit of the doubt and say talk to the person and try to work things out.

 

In your instance I would say GET OUT NOW!!!!!

 

Break up with her before the New Year and move on. Start a new chapter in your life. This girl doesn't even remotely sound like the kind of girl you want to be in a relationship with.

[seibert253]

I'm dumbfounded you actually have to ask someone else if you should stay in this relationship. Anyway here's my answer:

 

GET THE HELL OUT, YESTERDAY.

[CandyHeart]

Why are you with a verbally abusive girlfriend? Tell her she needs to seek help before the relationship can work. Find a girl who is better and compatiable with you who isnt verbally abusive.

[Mutant Debutante]

Never stay with somebody who tells you they hope you choke in your sleep. She doesn't value you, and you're turning yourself into her doormat only makes it worse. Find someone who respects you.