Lost girlfriend a week ago (feel suicidal)

[Dsmith9481]

My name is Dustin

I just broke up with my girlfriend last week. She moved out about a month ago to try and help our realtionship. She has this problem with running from her problems and not resolving them. I poured everything I had into the relationship and I admitted when I was wrong and tried to right them. She is a taker and not a giver and she told me that when we got together. Im a giver but I wont be taken advantage of. She was working on getting her licsence back and her car and alot of her clothes are still here not to mention that one of the bedrooms her 2 year old son that I also took in, His room is still full of his stuff. I dont know whats going on she hasnt called but to get something in writing so I dont sell her car. Which I would never do.

 

I had been sober for over 3 years from alchohol, Ive now began to drink and never thought It would happen. Im on (citalopram) for deppression now and its only been a week. I thought we were perfect for eachother and somewhere we stopped communicating. I pushed everyone in my life away just to take care of her needs now I have noone to turn to. I just need someone to talk to. I really dont know why Im on this forum, maybe looking for some kind of answer or just reaching out In some way. I dont know...

 

Dustin

[HopeisallIhave]

You need to call 911 right now. If you need me to do it for you I will.

 

Its worse of all around the holidays, I will read your post and respond in a few minutes.

[Misa Misa]

I don't think you had a healthy relationship...

You never NEED anyone to live well. You live well yourself, and then someone share their life with u. You have a life when he/she is with you or not. So when he/she leaves, it doesn't take your life away. Never depend on the other person for what u r lacking, nor think you can provide whatever they are lacking.

 

I hope u can get better. Think bigger.

[january2010]

Dustin, you are not alone. We are here to listen. Talk to us.

[HopeisallIhave]

Ok, read your post. Please take comfort in the fact that there are SO MANY people out there who are going through it. Listen man, I just got my heart CRUSHED after 12 years...12 YEARS MAN. I was soon going to ask her to marry me as well as I just finished college. Were you with her 12 years? I know that isn't the case and 2 years or 12 you love this girl I know. Listen I have been hurting for 3 months, then hurt 10 times worse when I tried a little reconciliation a few days ago and she still said "its over". That killed me to the point of face flat on the pavement. What did I do??? I decided I must like to suffer and I am NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE. These chicks are not our life support!!!!!! We're being wimps!!!! Man up like me and handle this. Yeah Id love a beer but its not happening right now cause I know what it will lead to..so..I do pushups!!! F yeah push ups!!! Make her regret leaving you when she sees you in six months and your cut!!!!!!! Thats what Im going to do. Fthis man give yourself an xmas gift and do the very very VERY best you can to snap out of it. Do it now.

 

As far as getting her back research NC (No Contact) and commit to the fullest that is all I am going to say.

[mikeey]

Suicidal? Have you ever lost a parent or a sibling....I'm sure they're just a close...probably closer to you than this girl. Did you...or do you envision offing yourself when that happened/happens? You're in a dark head space man...you need to get out of it....and booze/drugs are never the answer when this happens. You need to check yourself into a hospital RIGHT AWAY until you get better.

[GreenPolicy]

Please call 911 or a suicide prevention hotline right now. If you want to talk, please post, we're here for you. We are all hurting, but we are here to give each other comfort because even though the circumstances of our breakups may vary, most of us here are unwilling dumpees. We know what you're going through on some level and we gain strength by helping each other.

[Graceful]

Dustin, honey, this board is filled with wonderful caring people, we've all been crushed to the core and we're here to help each other.

 

I am so glad you found this forum, please call 911 asap, Dustin, or go to the nearest hospital. You should not be alone right now. Please.

[HopeisallIhave]

"Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at at time,

 

Whats the rush (now)?? Everyone will have his day to die!!"

 

- Maynard James Keenan

[AZGarnethawk]

I read the words and my heart hurt for you. But in the end it is not worth it. People are hurting just as much if not more than this and believe me it is not worth it.

 

It is christmas eve and I am sitting in the house I share with my now ex boyfriend. We moved intogether about 4 months ago and life has been anything but boring. He has an emotional shut off switch. He can feel nothing when he wants. And for someone like me who is a gushing damn of emotion it is heart breaking to look at the man that I love and know that he feels not one ounce of emotion for me. We have dated on and off for 4 yrs now. This was the final go, and when things got tough he got out. That's how he handles something that is hard, he leaves, emtional if not physically.I've dealt with this attitude for yrs now, but it does not hurt any less than the first time he cut me out of his heart.

 

The first time he did I tried to take my life. I failed apparently;)! But it was not just the failure of the relationship that sent me on that dark path it was everything in my life and that was the straw that broke me. At the time I had two failed marriages, I was getting over extreme childhood abuse, and my father had given me a letter saying he wanted a sexual relationship, I was out of a job, living day to day wondering where the next amount of money would come from, and I had a 4 yr old little girl that I was failing. Someone called the cops and I was rushed to the hospital. That was three yrs ago. Now the fall out from that choice haunted me for 2 and 1/2 yrs.

 

I lost my daughter to child protective services. For two yrs I had to face the choice I made that one dark night. I had to go to court every few months and admit what a failure I was and how I was trying to make it better. I got to only see my child for 4 hours a week with someone watching like I was going to throw her down and abuse her right infront of them. I had to open my home and my life to people who judge you on one act and condemn you for life. I had to go to counciling. I had to walk, talk, dress, and act a certain way. Let me tell you none of this was easy. And the whole time I had a little girl who was begging to come home and hurting for the stupid mistake I had made. In this time I turned to friends, family, and the church. They all helped me. But the guy I was with was the biggest help in it all.

 

Fast forward a few yrs and now he wants out. He is chomping at the bit. The problem is I was in a car accident and had to move in with him because I am on DR orders not to work. We struggle day to day to make the bills. And there is nothing I can do to help him. And this act alone killed my relationship with him. I've never known someone so self-centered in all my life. And I cry myself to sleep on the couch every night just praying that something will ease up. That something will change. I wake each morning to the same sad situation, but this time I know that I cannot even chance taking my life, because if I fail once more then I will never see my daughter again. And if I suceed I will never see my daughter again, so that is not a option!

 

That is a personal struggle. Now look at the people you have known your whole life, people you have known just yrs, months or moments. The pain you would cause it a ripple effect. If you suceed then you will not see the pain you cause everyone around, but it will be there. A devastation that people can only ask why? People will aske themselves why they did not see it? They will wonder if only they had said hi or actually asked you how you were if that would have changed your mind. And your family will be the most devastated. They will wonder why you could not talk to them. What they could have done. How they could have helped. Lives will be changed and forever altered because of this one act. People will be angry with you, with themselves, with everything.

 

Yes right now you are hurting and want nothing more than the pain to end, but this is not the right choice. Take time today and just look at the world around you. There is such peace in just sitting. Don't think, Don't feel, just watch. Watch a bird fly through the air, or a couple talk on a bench and enjoy life for what it is. A gift given and one that should not be destoryed. Ask yourself...could you ever murder someone? Because that is exactly what you would be doing if you take your life. You will be killing an innocent person who has not achieved their best.

 

Yes it hurts and yes you feel like you can never make it. The pain is to much! I know exactly how much it hurts. I know exactly how much it will not end. But that is just a lie we tell ourselves. In one yr you will look back on this moment in time and thank God you did not make that horrid mistake. You will have found some peace, and yes even happiness. Take time to enjoy the things you once did before this person came into your life. If you find beauty in just driving for hrs looking at the wonder of nature then do it. And enjoy it. If you like to hike go for it. Don't stop yourself and think of the pain of them not being there. Move forward and walk with your head up. Yes the pain is real, but it is only a moment in time. And when time has progressed forward you will have found something more amazing than being with that person.

 

But don't ever give into the dark thoughts running through your mind. And if it comes to the point that you think you will listen to them then call someone. Anyone! Call out for help. Reach out to your parents, your siblings, or friends. You will be surprised at how quickly people come running to scoup you up and say....Everything will be ok. Just hold on for one more day, and you will see everything will be ok.

 

As time passes you will feel bitter and you will be angry, but with more time you will be able to think of the person without pain, and you will smile at the memories. Because they effected your life. Because they were important to you. If you never date again or marry that will be the choice that you make, but it is a choice you were able to make because you are alive. Always remember life is not promised not to hurt, only that it will continue until your time is up, but that is one choice you should never make. How do you know that your soul mate is not around the corner. And that in ten yrs you could be a father of three beautiful children? You cannot know this for sure. And you will never find out if you take your own life. In essence murder a human being.

 

Always look for something to wake up for. Get a pet. Someone who will need you to wake up in the morning. And one day you will wake up not because they need you but because you want to face a fresh new day and enjoy simple things such as just taking a breath of fresh air. Life is a gift never forget that. And if ever you need someone to talk to I am here!

[Gossamer]

Dustin.

 

Are you OK? Can you please post as soon as possible so the people on here who care about you know you're ok?

 

Please, please, if you're having more than suicidal ideation/thoughts, call 911 if you're gonna do something.

 

Do you have a sponsor you can call/talk to? Do you think you can get to an AA/12 step meeting? I think there are some online chats, etc. for AA, or telephone meetings, and perhaps some phone #s if you can't make a meeting.

 

I'm concerned that you're alone with alcohol and want for you to find a 12 step/AA-type group; your thinking isn't "you" right now. It's the depression talking.

 

Please, we hope and pray you're ok.

 

Please let us know...the pain will pass, even if your brain is telling you it never will. That's the depression talking. The pain isn't you.

 

Peace and lots of love to you.

 

/Gossamer

 

 

 

My name is Dustin

I just broke up with my girlfriend last week. She moved out about a month ago to try and help our realtionship. She has this problem with running from her problems and not resolving them. I poured everything I had into the relationship and I admitted when I was wrong and tried to right them. She is a taker and not a giver and she told me that when we got together. Im a giver but I wont be taken advantage of. She was working on getting her licsence back and her car and alot of her clothes are still here not to mention that one of the bedrooms her 2 year old son that I also took in, His room is still full of his stuff. I dont know whats going on she hasnt called but to get something in writing so I dont sell her car. Which I would never do.

 

I had been sober for over 3 years from alchohol, Ive now began to drink and never thought It would happen. Im on (citalopram) for deppression now and its only been a week. I thought we were perfect for eachother and somewhere we stopped communicating. I pushed everyone in my life away just to take care of her needs now I have noone to turn to. I just need someone to talk to. I really dont know why Im on this forum, maybe looking for some kind of answer or just reaching out In some way. I dont know...

 

Dustin