Being in a vague relationship w/ a younger guy

[Misa Misa]

So I met this guy in October from a hiking club, 2 years younger than me. (me 27). I just got out of a relationship, and I wanted to make more friends. I showed up at his bday party (wanting to meet more ppl there), and after that he asked me out for coffee, so I said OK. I thought it was just a simple friendship thing. I mean he is younger than me, and we didn’t even flirt with each other before. Everything are normal, until after coffee, he was holding my waist when we walked to my car, hugging me long time next to my car, and a kiss on my head. I was surprised for what he did, since I didn’t expect that was a date. I didn’t think I liked him in a romantic way, but I didn’t reject his intimacy.

I don’t know how it goes with you guys. For me to become romantic evolved with somebody, at least he has to say something. We went out again, when he started to hug me from my back, I told him that I don’t usually hug and kiss with a guy at least we are clear of what is going on. He said, he does what he feels like at the moment, and he doesn’t like to do the talks. He did ask me out, and he lets his actions talk. Verbal wise, he likes to keep it vague. I know what he is talking about, but at the back of my head, I was thinking, so if he feels like hugging and kissing another girl, he will definitely go for it, too. I think I just don’t feel special depends on what he said.

Am I being too old fashioned? Too serious? Too Formal? Maybe I am.

So I decided to hang out with him, being vague. The problem? I don’t feel the joy of being in a relationship (in love) that I used to feel when I was with someone. I don’t feel secure, since he is not committed, which makes me not able to open up to him. I think I am the type that doesn’t like to play these dating games to just take what we need from each other without being responsible.

I want to end it, but he starts to act very sweet to me. Phone calls asking me about my day, telling me about what he did in a day, and feeling upset cause I acted cold to him. I think he is not ready to have a girlfriend, since he is not stable with his job, living situation and things he wants to do, but at the same time, he wants to have a girl around him. I am 27, I am not sure if I have the time to play with him. I do care for him, but I am not sure about what this is going to and clear with my feeling for him. Any advices?

Edited December 23, 2010 by Misa Misa

[january2010]

He's not giving you what you want, nor does he respect your boundaries and you don't even feel any joy in this relationship.

 

Other than, the breadcrumbs of intimacy he throws your way, there doesn't appear to be much else keeping you in this pseudo-relationship.

 

I suspect that if you allow it to carry on you may start to feel used, particularly as you've just come out of a relationship and you're probably feeling a little vulnerable right now but on some level flattered by the attention.

 

If you're not looking for a fling, it's best to nip it in the bud before things go too far and you become too attached to the breadcrumbs.

[damascus]

Agreed, fundamental to the relationship is the benefit you derive from being in it. You want something defined and he wants something vague and the result is that you have something vague. If you aren't getting out of it what you want/need, then your time may be better spent finding someone who shares your ideas. It's a better recipe for happiness.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Males simply do not have any interest in being mere "friends" with women unless they see themselves as being in line for her romantic affections.

 

That's the part you aren't addressing when wishing to see yourself as a mere friend of this guy.