BS76 Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 (edited) Self-improvement is the path to self-confidence. I would modify Aviator's comment that you need to "be yourself": you actually need to be the best version of yourself. Wise words. If "being yourself" isn't getting you what you want in life, obviously it's time to make some changes. Everyone has room for improvement, so if your skills in a given subject aren't where you'd like them to be then you should set about improving them. Luckily for guys like the OP, attracting women is a skill one can learn. Read the book Rules of the Game. It's a 30 day workout for your social skills. That alone should get most guys started from being wallflowers to being more proactive. If that's not enough, look up Adam Lyons. He's one of the best dating coaches around and has bootcamps pretty regularly across the country. He started out as a Pickup Artist, but I'm confident in saying he's transcended that community quite well. Where is right. Don't fear rejection cause the worst that can happen is she says "no". Big deal move on and keep trying, this will build your confidence. And when a woman senses your confidence you will know I strongly disagree! What you're advocating amounts to negative reinforcement. SUCCESS is what breeds confidence. A structured skillset and methodology is what's required to get those initial success so to build confidence. Then and only then can you look at putting those tools away and trying to go "natural" and see what happens. It is partly a numbers game though, but with the proper approach you can put a lot of factors in your favor if you know what you're doing. Edited December 24, 2010 by BS76
BS76 Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 The elevator story is more about being confident in showing your sense of humor than in 'insulting' anyone. This is what is commonly referred to as 'playful banter.' I do it all the time. Is framing this as 'being personable' incompatible with the PUA upper-hand dynamic, or what? What you call playful banter is what's also known as cocky funny. You've got to watch though because if you go overboard with it then you'll come across as an a-hole. In the elevator example, there wasn't much going on to say whether or not she liked him, but if he'd turned it direct quickly after he got her reacting to him, I think he could have at least gotten a number or maybe held her attention for a few minutes to set something up for later. All it takes sometimes is 2-5 minutes to seed a meet up later on.
Eeyore79 Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Just to add my two cents worth... in the past I have found some guys unattractive, but ended up dating them after I got to know their personalities better. There was one guy who I turned down when he first asked me out, because I didn't think he was good looking enough - six months later (when I'd gotten to know him) I was completely smitten with him and I asked him out! On the other hand, no amount of physical attractiveness can make up for a bad personality. I have had experiences where I initially thought a guy was hot, but when I got to know him I completely lost attraction because he was a bit of an idiot.
Knittress Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 What you call playful banter is what's also known as cocky funny. Haha, I must be a natural pick-up artist and I never even knew it.
deebeechrisyo Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Once you get laid the first time it will completely change your mind set and you'll try much harder to get women, trust me. I went through the same thing... That's funny... the opposite happened to me. I finally got laid as a freshman in college, it wasn't life-changing like I was told to believe, and I stopped trying so hard to pickup women.
deebeechrisyo Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Be careful of the PUA stuff. I dabbled in that after college for a few months and it was the primary reason why I was involuntarily celibate for over a year. You are taught that you are worthless if you aren't having lots of sex, and it will just reinforce your own poor self-image. Nevermind that most of the "PUA's" are scam artists who charge thousands of dollars for boot camps, which get TERRIBLE reviews from students. The teachers won't even approach girls and video footage of a successful pickup is unheard of. To the OP, you definitely have poor self-esteem, so the PUA stuff will only drop you further into depression.
Surrealist Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 Be careful of the PUA stuff. I dabbled in that after college for a few months and it was the primary reason why I was involuntarily celibate for over a year. You are taught that you are worthless if you aren't having lots of sex, and it will just reinforce your own poor self-image. Nevermind that most of the "PUA's" are scam artists who charge thousands of dollars for boot camps, which get TERRIBLE reviews from students. The teachers won't even approach girls and video footage of a successful pickup is unheard of. To the OP, you definitely have poor self-esteem, so the PUA stuff will only drop you further into depression. That's probably part of their tactic to get guys to buy their stuff, tear down their confidence in themselves to make their product look more valuable.
OceanGirl Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 UGH. If a guy even lightly insults me, it's a turn off - no matter how good looking he is. It will only (possibly) come across as funny if I know the guy well and am comfortable with him.
TheBigQuestion Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 Be careful of the PUA stuff. I dabbled in that after college for a few months and it was the primary reason why I was involuntarily celibate for over a year. You are taught that you are worthless if you aren't having lots of sex, and it will just reinforce your own poor self-image. Nevermind that most of the "PUA's" are scam artists who charge thousands of dollars for boot camps, which get TERRIBLE reviews from students. The teachers won't even approach girls and video footage of a successful pickup is unheard of. To the OP, you definitely have poor self-esteem, so the PUA stuff will only drop you further into depression. I think with any new-age self-help type of system, PUA is quite useful when you internalize useful information from each theory or method. A lot of people judge it because of what they've seen on TV but for the most part, EVERY PUA system emphasizes the development of "inner game" as more or less a prerequisite to having success with dating/sleeping with women. For people with normal socialization, the vast majority of what PUAs teach makes sense and is intuitive. Basically, you need to actually approach multiple women and ask them out, which is a difficult feat for a lot of men, and the man needs to NOT be afraid of rejection. A person with a strong sense of self is not going to be afraid of rejection and will not take it personally. Most of the so-called PUAs freely admit that they have high failure rates. The ones who have slept with hundreds of women estimate that they only manage to bed about 1 in 9 women who have given them their phone numbers. Regardless of whether or not one thinks that PUA methods will help the OP or not, it is absolutely true that when you're clueless as to how to attract women, you need to learn from failure and develop a thick skin from experiencing it repeatedly.
BS76 Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 That's probably part of their tactic to get guys to buy their stuff, tear down their confidence in themselves to make their product look more valuable. The guy I recommend is Adam Lyons. He's got loads of free material available online and was the first big name instructor to drop his prices to something more realistic. Also, he's top notch in terms of his own abilities and being able to teach others (two completely different skills). He doesn't do demos now that he's married, but I've seen him do his thing first hand and he's legit.
Recommended Posts