I feel like its too late for me to learn how to get a women

[USCGAviator]

BS i know unconfident people in realtionships and overly confident people who cant attract the opposite sex

 

When i approach a womem and she rolls her eyes and tries to escape before i say a word its because she isnt attracted to me not because she has some amazing womens intuition that can pick up low cofnidence

 

You can't win em all dude. If your used to the eye rollers you should come up with a funny witty line to tell her when she does it.

 

I betcha if you pull it off right she may actually laugh and once that happens the ice is broke. Your "confidence" will help attract her

[SteveC80]

The word confidence is overrated and measn little unles you so lack confidence that you cant look peopel in the eye and need to see a shrink

 

I was an unconfident mess when i was younger but got tons of women because supposenly im really good looking

 

Attraction is out of our hands,if a guy is repulsive physically to a women no amount of confidence will make up for that

[USCGAviator]

If I walked away in shame every time I got a nasty look or and email ignored I would be womanLESS. I'm seeing a gorgeous woman now after she ignored my first email and a week later I came back with a witty and funny email about her ignoring my first. She couldn't help but reply back.......jus sayin

[Surrealist]

I somewhat agree with OP but guess what?????????

 

Attraction is only half the battle!

 

How do I know that??????

 

I attract more women now at 40 years old than I ever did, including chicks in their early 20s and upward, no bs!

 

I could NOT attract women when I was in my teens and 20s.

 

Now that I can, I still can't convert that attraction into anything further due to reasons some of which has been already mentioned in this thread.

 

So don't go thinking it's all about 'attraction' because I have been in both camps.

[creighton0123]

Im 30 never been in a relationship or even kissed a girl and ive pretty much given up.

 

Aside from the fact that most women arent even attracted to me even if one of out a thousand were i feel so many years passed by where i should have learned how to attract women that its too late now

 

Those skills should be learned in your teens or somewhere in your 20's at the latest,i feel at 30 its too late to program myself so to speak how to attract women then how to conduct myself in a relationship all the stuff 99% of people learn much much younger then me.

 

I'd be hard pressed to call them "skills" and more likely to consider them anthropological characteristics innate to human breeding behavior.

 

How do you speak to and attract women? Be yourself - a woman will either be interested or not.

 

How do you conduct yourself in a relationship? Change the way you live to accommodate for another person without question. Be willing to sacrifice personal time without hesitation to spend time with your significant other.

 

I would say that in modern society, most people learn these things between 23 and 27 years old, when they really begin to develop maturity enough for long term relationships. You say you're 30. You're not too far behind the curve.

 

Try online dating if you can. Also, don't think you have to change yourself for others. Don't try to make yourself appealing by being who you're not. That's dishonest and is not the way one should pursue long term relationships.

[tb24]

I love this be "confident "confident" confident" "confident"

 

What an overused cliche,some people just cant attract the opposite sex

 

Stop makign this confidence thing a magic wand that will auotmatically make women attracted to somebody

 

"confidence" here also means attitude. If you go at something expecting to fail, you almost certainly will. If after that you don't want to try again you'll never even have the chance to fail again.

 

As already been suggested, it's a learned skill. I never even started to learn it until I was about 20.

 

I'm not that confident, ever, but I have enough to get by. I also (through trying alone) know that I'm able to do reasonably well and hold a conversation when I need to.... again a learned skill.

 

Quick wit is also a learned skill, and one which I've found to be incredibly useful, not just with women but life in general.

 

 

Attraction is out of our hands,if a guy is repulsive physically to a women no amount of confidence will make up for that

 

While this is partly true, luckily for us guys, women aren't generally as fussy about looks as us men. One thing to always remember is that just because one woman doesn't find you attractive doesn't mean that none will. Do you find all women attractive?

[welikeincrowds]

What a surprise, another individual who has these issues has SA. Either I'm psychic, or maybe this is a bit more complicated than the self-help book, PUA attitudes in this thread.

 

Either that, or both of us are too touchy feely and just need to play football... rofl...

 

Enough. I won't speak for others but I have never once discounted the complexity of the mind. In fact quite the contrary: there are problems inherent to definitions of people. One is that they frame people as constants, which is just not so. Another is that they will cause you to discredit views that do not fit within the context in which your definition operates. How glib you are, to say it's not just about blaming your mother. And the claims of abuse, yer blues? What do you suppose you meant by those? And surely if you see your obstacles as diagnosable conditions then certainly you are seeking treatment; would it be fair to consider that taking responsibility for your life in the present?

 

I am not amused by the use of diagnoses as rhetorical poker chips. This is not an appropriate place to expect the discussion or relevancy of psychiatry anyway.

[tb24]

Oh and I do have one suggestion. Rather than coming her complaining that you don't have a chance, GET OUT THERE. It's Christmas eve tomorrow. In my experience, a great night to go out, everyone's in a good mood. Go into town and just talk to some women. Same for new years eve next week.

 

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's the only way you're ever going to get anywhere. If all you do is just sit around complaining that you're not able to meet any women, what do you expect to happen?

[SteveC80]

 

 

 

 

While this is partly true, luckily for us guys, women aren't generally as fussy about looks as us men.

 

Completely false

[tb24]

Completely false

 

It's fairly well documented in several scientific studies. Here's a report on one: http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/2004/apr/22/thisweekssciencequestions.evolution

 

If you really want I can reference some specific papers.

[Yer_Blues]

Enough. I won't speak for others but I have never once discounted the complexity of the mind. In fact quite the contrary: there are problems inherent to definitions of people. One is that they frame people as constants, which is just not so. Another is that they will cause you to discredit views that do not fit within the context in which your definition operates.

 

How glib you are, to say it's not just about blaming your mother. And the claims of abuse, yer blues? What do you suppose you meant by those? And surely if you see your obstacles as diagnosable conditions then certainly you are seeking treatment; would it be fair to consider that taking responsibility for your life in the present?

 

I am not amused by the use of diagnoses as rhetorical poker chips. This is not an appropriate place to expect the discussion or relevancy of psychiatry anyway.

I'm not amused by your inclusion of God or the ten commandments as appropriate is mental state is not relevant. Poker chips? How about lifetime obstacle? You call me glib?

 

If you read my posts, you would see I have taken responsibility for the present. I constantly work to improve. I see two options in the face of my problems: suicide or improvement. I would not choose to continue to live if I did not think I could get over this. I've lost over 100lbs, went from almost complete loner status to making friends to making close friends to joining a fraternity. I'm more in control of my issues every day.

 

These challenges are LEFT from my upbringing. I racked up a lot of problems and obstacles to overcome before I was old enough to reason or take care of myself. I was negligently allowed to become what I was, in my opinion. I was not old enough to handle my problems then. I was not old enough to even realize how abnormal my childhood was in the ways that contributed to these problems.

 

So excuse me if I find people who make oversimplified, judgmental models of solutions to a problem such as one posed in the O.P. offensive.

[SteveC80]

It's fairly well documented in several scientific studies. Here's a report on one: http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/2004/apr/22/thisweekssciencequestions.evolution

 

If you really want I can reference some specific papers.

 

I go by what i see and hear from real women rather then these reports

[Surrealist]

I go by what i see and hear from real women rather then these reports

 

Kinda like reports about how great the economy is going but doesn't help someone who is unemployed and has trouble getting a job. But then it could be argued that the person who can't get the job needs to change his game to make him or her self a better prospect.

[wheream_i]

Exactly. Make fun of her or lightly insult her. You'll get her attention.

 

You can't win em all dude. If your used to the eye rollers you should come up with a funny witty line to tell her when she does it.

 

I betcha if you pull it off right she may actually laugh and once that happens the ice is broke. Your "confidence" will help attract her

[Surrealist]

Exactly. Make fun of her or lightly insult her. You'll get her attention.

 

Yeah you'll get her attention but not necessarily the attention you intended to elicit. What a stupid idea.

[tb24]

I go by what i see and hear from real women rather then these reports

 

Yes and the world is flat, not like those pesky scientists would have you believe! My mate pete says dogs can't look up!

 

Seriously? If you'd even read the link I posted it suggested that the perception of (physical) attractiveness changes after knowing the person's personality. So yes those "unattractive" guys are in part "unattractive" because their personality is unattractive as much as their looks. Why do you think rockstars (Who quite frankly are not often that good looking) get called attractive? Rich people?

 

That's not to say looks are completely irrelevant, but that's not the point I was trying to make.

Edited December 23, 2010 by tb24

[wheream_i]

I was kidding. But kinda not really. Not so much a flat out insult but maybe a sarcastic comment when she's rolling her eyes or thinking she's above the guy she's dismissing. Maybe just a little something to bring her back down to earth.

 

Yeah you'll get her attention but not necessarily the attention you intended to elicit. What a stupid idea.

[Surrealist]

I was kidding. But kinda not really. Not so much a flat out insult but maybe a sarcastic comment when she's rolling her eyes or thinking she's above the guy she's dismissing. Maybe just a little something to bring her back down to earth.

 

I'm all for a sense of humor but man you better be good or careful at playing the light insult card because if the chick finds you unattractive you'll likely get a slap on the face, which is a rather poignant rejection to say the least and will accomplish little in the way of building the guy's confidence to approach women. There is some truth to the fact that hot guys can probably do better with this approach than guys who are not good looking.

[ConflictedGuy27]

I'm all for a sense of humor but man you better be good or careful at playing the light insult card because if the chick finds you unattractive you'll likely get a slap on the face, which is a rather poignant rejection to say the least and will accomplish little in the way of building the guy's confidence to approach women. There is some truth to the fact that hot guys can probably do better with this approach than guys who are not good looking.

 

I do it all the time; works well when applied appropriately and tailored towards some overt short coming happening right then & there.

 

case in point:

earlier this afternoon I was leaving my building, cute girl looking at a page walking along next to me in the hall. she COMPLETELY misses the right turn towards the elevator (she was distracted).

 

she turns back and comes down where the elevator is, I'm already there and had pushed the button.

 

I say to her: "you realize that was a blatant dead-end back there, didnt you?"

chick: [smirking/smiling a bit] "laughs." [then says nothing].

me: "what number do you need?"

her: "2 thanks." [and she reaches over herself and presses 3]

me: "hmm... first the dead end, then the wrong button... seeing eye dog on Christmas break?"

her: [looks a up at me like, this sarcastic mofo]

me: [pressed #2 while she's looking]

her: [laughs] "jerk"

me: "I'll be sure not to fix it next time, so you'll like me better."

[reached 2nd level, I was going to 1]

her: "bye."

 

that may not seem like much, and perhaps it wasn't, but I already know how I'll be messing with her when I get her on the elevator next time.

 

will this lead to anything? who knows? it was totally fun getting a reaction though. I ripped on her twice and she was totally receptive: a complete stranger (well... neighbor, technically) calling me a jerk. I want another redevious. lol.

 

talking to girls and pushing their buttons is the point, isn't it?

why be like every other boring, nice-guy that tells her that her hair's pretty? why not rip on her? it grabs their attention.

 

it's my preferred way of doing things; precise sarcasm = wit = intelligence to women.

[Knittress]

The elevator story is more about being confident in showing your sense of humor than in 'insulting' anyone. This is what is commonly referred to as 'playful banter.' I do it all the time. Is framing this as 'being personable' incompatible with the PUA upper-hand dynamic, or what?

[Eddie Edirol]

The elevator story is more about being confident in showing your sense of humor than in 'insulting' anyone. This is what is commonly referred to as 'playful banter.' I do it all the time. Is framing this as 'being personable' incompatible with the PUA upper-hand dynamic, or what?

 

When he was doing the elevator Playful banter, he did have the upper hand. You have to have the upper hand to keep attention on yourself in any situation. Its still being personable. if the woman was to fight back with her own witty banter, you still have to one up her no matter what, but its a delicate balance. If she keeps the upper hand in a situation like this then its akin to walking over you. You just have to avoid actually being a jerk. You lose respect if you cant one up her in wits.

[wheream_i]

It's cool. But I'm not the one with the problem getting women.

 

I'm all for a sense of humor but man you better be good or careful at playing the light insult card because if the chick finds you unattractive you'll likely get a slap on the face, which is a rather poignant rejection to say the least and will accomplish little in the way of building the guy's confidence to approach women. There is some truth to the fact that hot guys can probably do better with this approach than guys who are not good looking.

[Iced Mocha]

Confidence is all about believing you can accomplish/achieve something. People's expectations/decision making behavior is largely based off of results/reinforcement. If you always have negative reinforcement (rejection) when you try an action (say asking somebody out, opening yourself up etc.), you LEARN/are PROGRAMMED to avoid that action.

 

It is extremely difficult to overcome this programming. You tell somebody to just try something, their mind may logically agree but behavior is conditioned. They expect failure no matter what.

 

 

 

I kinda agree with this. I think the only way is to use the logical part of the brain, and run an experiment, say you are going to approach/interact/flirt with 50 women (in real life, not plentyoffish!!) and just stand back and see what kind of results you get. See if it gets easier to approach or not. See if you do get rejections, but if you also get some women that are interested back.

Because the only way to overcome thinking that something is impossible for you is to demonstrate that you can do that thing. So although a part of your mind says "no you can't", just override that and run an experiment and see if infact you actually can. And include in it, at least ten times, make yourself try again after a failure. (important!) And make note how you feel about that. Does it feel good to keep getting back up again? (hint it does!)

For your future happiness it might be worth it to try it once, I'm a fan of habit changing, and the fact the the brain can forge new pathways!!

[crfsti]

Im 30 never been in a relationship or even kissed a girl and ive pretty much given up.

 

Aside from the fact that most women arent even attracted to me even if one of out a thousand were i feel so many years passed by where i should have learned how to attract women that its too late now

 

Those skills should be learned in your teens or somewhere in your 20's at the latest,i feel at 30 its too late to program myself so to speak how to attract women then how to conduct myself in a relationship all the stuff 99% of people learn much much younger then me.

 

Once you get laid the first time it will completely change your mind set and you'll try much harder to get women, trust me. I went through the same thing...

[Surrealist]

It's cool. But I'm not the one with the problem getting women.

 

Well then I take back my comments. Guys go and cast a few insults at women and post up the results, i would be interested. Preferably decent women.