Is an affair with another woman as bad as an affair with a man?

[george44]

I believe my W had an affair with a woman she worked with about a year ago. Is this as serious as if she had an affair with a man? They no longer work together and she claims that she has had no contact for a long time. However, when she comes home late I always wonder.

 

I don't think there's any chance she's going to turn into a lesbian and leave me for the OW, but it still bothers me.

 

Thanks.

[sally4sara]

Its your marriage; is it as bad to you? Is it worse? Better?

 

If you don't like it, it doesn't matter if it was "only with a woman".

[gisellefromhell]

I don't feel like there's a difference in having an affair with the same sex. Cheating is cheating, and only what you feel about your situation matters. Don't feel like you need our validation to tell you that "it's not so bad".

 

Anyway, if you still wonder sometimes about your wife cheating on you, you should talk to her about your concerns.

[young&inlove]

It all depends on you and your wife. You had to have set boundaries when you were dating or at some point in time? What does your gut tell you?

 

I have always been a firm believer that cheating is cheating. Doesn’t matter who its with.

[PerpetualMotion]

For me, a woman cheating with a woman is as disrespectful as when it is with a man.

 

But as sally said, it's your marriage... If you don't think it's that bad, it doesn't matter what others think of it.

[creighton0123]

I believe my W had an affair with a woman she worked with about a year ago. Is this as serious as if she had an affair with a man? They no longer work together and she claims that she has had no contact for a long time. However, when she comes home late I always wonder.

 

I don't think there's any chance she's going to turn into a lesbian and leave me for the OW, but it still bothers me.

 

Thanks.

 

1. Someone can't "Turn into" a lesbian. You're gay, straight, bisexual or pansexual.

 

2. Infidelity is infidelity whether with someone of the same gender or someone of the opposite gender.

 

If you're seriously focused on monogamy, it doesn't matter who she transgressed with. The fact of the matter is that she did/could and whether it matters to you at this point in time.

[carhill]

It doesn't matter if she's f*cking a horse; if you've agreed to a monogamous emotional/sexual relationship/marriage, sexual/emotional infidelity is a breach of that agreement and equally 'bad' in all circumstances.

 

Ask her for complete transparency. This includes proactively calling you whenever she's going to be working late and happily answering any questions you might have.

 

It 'bothers' you and you 'wonder'. Her job is to proactively assist you in resolving those concerns. Good luck

[george44]

Its your marriage; is it as bad to you? Is it worse? Better?

 

I guess I don't think it's as bad, because I don't feel threatened. To me the emotional aspect of an affair is more important than the physical aspect. In this case, I think it was just physical. However, she did call the OM darling and tell her that she loved her, so maybe I'm wrong about that.

 

At the very least I feel betrayed.

[JackJack]

An affair is an affair be it with a woman or a man. Its still cheating, so if its not something you you can deal with, then you'll need to either get into some marriage counseling or get divorced.

 

"At the very least I feel betrayed".

 

The above statement you made is what matters, not the fact she was with a woman or a man. Its still an affair, its still betrayal. Period.

[PandorasBox]

An affair with a woman doesn't lessen anything. She still stepped outside of the marriage. Obviously she didn't value your marriage enough to end it if things were that bad. Even if she did it out of curiosity still doesn't make it right.

[wheream_i]

Pictures...

[seibert253]

Cheating is cheating, plain and simple. It doesn't matter what sex the OP is.

 

BTW, I have two friends whose wives left them for another woman, but I also have a few whose wives left them for other men.

[Feelin Frisky]

That fact that it's a woman kinda raids the debate. It's not better or worse, it's just a wild card that one might not expect. It's up to the individual how it plays on ya. Personally it would bother me too and I couldn't go back to being who I was before I discovered this. It's a deal changer to say the least and probably a deal breaker for me.

[PegNosePete]

For me: any cheating, male or female, is game over man. Go straight to dumpedville, do not pass go, do not collect £200.

[george44]

do not pass go, do not collect £200.

 

I hadn't stopped to think that they play Monopoly in England. So if we do the conversions, you guys are getting the equivalent of $308.74 for passing go, and we get only $200. It hardly seems fair.

[East7]

Funny, it reminds me the movie "Chloe" (W having a fling with another woman)

 

It is still cheating.

[112233]

I believe my W had an affair with a woman she worked with about a year ago. Is this as serious as if she had an affair with a man? They no longer work together and she claims that she has had no contact for a long time. However, when she comes home late I always wonder.

 

I don't think there's any chance she's going to turn into a lesbian and leave me for the OW, but it still bothers me.

 

Thanks.

 

Can you negotiate a threesome?

[Toodamnpragmatic]

and I will agree with the OP.... The OW has equipment, bumps, curves, hair, facial features, smells..... that you just can't compete with....

 

To me cheating is the continual hurt and knowing that your spouse chose someone who you can compare on an external level, looks, build, size, maybe money/power, age (if younger) and excitement..... EA's are more bothersome, because the spouse chooses to form it and can create a fantasy simply because they are bored or make excuses for what they have.

 

Is your marriage over? I don't know? Sad but today's society almost exults Lesbianism as more a lifestyle choice then something you are born with in many cases. Women are glamorized and pushed into "experimenting" and bi-sexuality for women is greeted with a shrug of the shoulder. This opposed to men and homosexuality, which I would say is "repressed" and the result of the negative conotations and they want to be with other men.

 

Obviously you need to have many discussions and even counseling to decide the next move and future.

 

However I have often joked to my wife, I can't compete with another woman..... Wouldn't even try......

[PerpetualMotion]

I guess I don't think it's as bad, because I don't feel threatened. To me the emotional aspect of an affair is more important than the physical aspect. In this case, I think it was just physical. However, she did call the OM darling and tell her that she loved her, so maybe I'm wrong about that.

 

At the very least I feel betrayed.

 

Why do you think it's only physical? You didn't thought that she was capable of having an affair with a woman either. How sure can you be that she can't fall in love with another woman? What makes you believe that she's lying when she professes her love for another person?

[Nightsky]

I’m far less likely to get jealous over a woman then another man. For instance I’d be cool having a wife who got real touchy with her girlfriends, but would have a problem if she did this with guys.

 

You’re at the point where you already feel hurt by what has happened. You’re glad it was a woman instead of a man because you’re less threatened by this.

 

Interestingly enough I think the opposite would probably be true for women. If her husband cheated on her with another man this would likely be more threatening and more of a betrayal.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I’m far less likely to get jealous over a woman then another man. For instance I’d be cool having a wife who got real touchy with her girlfriends, but would have a problem if she did this with guys.

 

You’re at the point where you already feel hurt by what has happened. You’re glad it was a woman instead of a man because you’re less threatened by this.

 

Interestingly enough I think the opposite would probably be true for women. If her husband cheated on her with another man this would likely be more threatening and more of a betrayal.

 

Curiosity and bisexuality amongst women, but not men..... The man who cheats with another man does so because he is gay and the wife is his beard..... Know that sounds neanderthal, but I am convinced that is the case 98% of the time (scientifically verified;))....

[whichwayisup]

Yes, it's cheating. Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, she is physically and emotionally cheating on you, taking that love and intimacy meant for YOU and giving it to someone else. THAT is cheating.

[StrangeCanine]

I believe my W had an affair with a woman she worked with about a year ago. Is this as serious as if she had an affair with a man? They no longer work together and she claims that she has had no contact for a long time. However, when she comes home late I always wonder.

 

I don't think there's any chance she's going to turn into a lesbian and leave me for the OW, but it still bothers me.

 

Thanks.

 

 

Yes. You should confront her about it. If she is cheating then you should drop her and get a new one.

[george44]

I’m far less likely to get jealous over a woman then another man. For instance I’d be cool having a wife who got real touchy with her girlfriends, but would have a problem if she did this with guys.

 

I might feel cool about it if it was something that she did in the open. However, in this instance she tried to hide it from me. The only way I found out is that we went out with the OW and her boyfriend and the OW had a little too much to drink and told me about the A. My W denied it and said that OW must have made it up. There were other things that happened that make me think it really happened and that it wasn't made up.

[george44]

Curiosity and bisexuality amongst women, but not men..... The man who cheats with another man does so because he is gay and the wife is his beard..... Know that sounds neanderthal, but I am convinced that is the case 98% of the time (scientifically verified

 

I agree. I guess I have a double standard. I think bi-sexuality is OK for women, but not for men. However, I don't think sneaking around and doing it behind their husband's back and then lying about is OK.