mikeey Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I know there is no way to gauge any of this with any hope of attaining a precise answer but here goes. I hope that someone was paying attention in prob/stats class! I don't want to reproduce the entire story here...if you're interested, look at my thread "What happens now". Basically, I'd like for people to share their guesses as to the success (yes in percentiles...hahahah) of the following scenario being successful: 1. My 26 year old ex (who began cheating on me with her current boyfriend while we were in a relationship) is dating a guy in Chicago who is in his mid to late 30s. She lives in Vancouver, Canada. 2. They see each other every month/couple of months. She goes there, he's been here (stays with her parents!)....they go on trips. 3. She's been telling anyone who is willing to listen that she is moving to Chicago. That was 1.5 years ago and she hasn't moved yet. She's told me that in order for this to work, she has to move there because current bf is not moving here....apparently the rationale is that his job there pays more than hers here. 4. She's very close to her family, relatives and friends. She's mommy and daddy's little princess and she's never lived on her own. 5. Ummm...she was sleeping with the both of us (her current bf and I) for probably a solid year....although he doesn't know this. Following our break-up, we remained "friends" for four months ....again, he has no clue.....until I forced her to abandon me when I told her that we could no longer be just "friends". Ok.....shower me with your educated guesses as to chances of success! Please include a percentage!
Breakupguy12 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Chances of success of what.. You and her working out?
GreenPolicy Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Why do you want to get back together with somebody who cheated on you?
Breakupguy12 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I think predicting the chances of success of their relationship is a waste of your time and mental energy. First and foremost, it's difficult to determine the chances of someone else's relationship lasting if you're not one of the parties, and secondly, she's been involved with you (or still is, or whatever), so what makes you think she's going to be giving you the necessary information for you to make an educated guess on their relationship's chances? I know how love can make you blind, but I really believe you should cut her off and let time begin to heal your wounds. I know how you feel, but in your heart you know this isn't going to work, I advise for you to try to move on, you'll find someone else in due time. She cheated with you on the other guy, do you honestly think she wouldn't do the same to you?
Author mikeey Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 You're probably correct on all counts. BUT, just for kicks, I want to know what sort of chances her current relationship stands? At this point, i'm not in the "forgiveness" or acquiescence stage of healing. I'm still a little jaded....ok, probably a lot...it's only day 6 of NC and.....I'd kinda like to spend my Christmas toasting marshmallows on the inferno of her crumbling world.
Surfer203 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Been there. My wife is from Canada, I am from the US. We made it work and from a young age to boot. But everyone is different. You never know man - he could be "the guy". Being an international long distance couple has it's strains though. Both will miss their homeland and family, friends etc. It will always call out to them. Big pain in the ass in my marriage, it put a lot of strain on things.
creighton0123 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 There's no practical application of mathematics in this scenario... there are too many variables: 1. She cheated on you 2. She cheated on her current lover 3. You are the party to her cheating on her current lover 4. You're not prepared to forgive her, but have no problem sexing her up 5. To move to America, she'll have to either marry this guy OR secure a worker's visa, something that can't be done unless she can find skilled work. The last point is the troublesome one. If she capable/willing to live on her own? Does she have a college degree enough to secure work in America? Has she used vacation visa/passport time enough to spend a significant amount of time with this guy? Are they discussing/thinking about marriage? There are so many variables here, but when it comes to whether this will work out between you and this girl is fundamentally different from whether it should work out between you and this girl. You seem to want a mature, monogamous relationship. I'd find someone else who seems more capable of that. She seems like a waste of time until she grows up a little.
Author mikeey Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Thanks for raising those points. Lots of food for thought there.
delajoonal Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 OP.. oh geez, i thought it was leading to a pregnancy/baby scare... well, it has been well documented that LDR do not last...but i am sure there on alot of folks here on LS that can attest that... so i think it is prolly like the stats w/ D in this country, 50/50 chance. sorry, i was never that great at math... but i do have a ? if OK..u have not seen this woman in 1.5 yrs.? and u r still in love with her? were u married? maybe u should call her or something...1.5 yrs is a long time to pyne for someone??? idk...just my 2 cents... hey, good luck and keep posting, i am going to read more of your story..going back;)
Author mikeey Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 (edited) Nope. Never married. We knew each other for six years. In a relationship for about 4.5 years. I found out about the 1.5 years of infidelity about 4 months ago....we killed our relationship at that point...and we stayed "friends" since then .....while she's involved in this LD thing. Embarrassing, I know...but the truth. It's been 6 days of NC. That's all. Edited December 23, 2010 by mikeey
cerridwen Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 It's only day 6 of NC and.....I'd kinda like to spend my Christmas toasting marshmallows on the inferno of her crumbling world. Rate of success in percentage form: Er...2% (arbitrarily picked based on my favorite milk). If by success you mean them eventually getting and staying married, kids, white picked fence, so on...forgetaboutit. She may move, they may live together at one point, but lasting happiness? Even true, short-term happiness? One of them not cheating? Not gonna happen. I suggest you keep a bag of marshmallows at hand.
poorguy Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I'll agree...Not gonna last no way no how!!! Percentage (I ran the numbers through the "Super Cheater 10000" and it gave me a .01782514 chance of it actually working!!!!
Author mikeey Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 Rate of success in percentage form: Er...2% (arbitrarily picked based on my favorite milk). If by success you mean them eventually getting and staying married, kids, white picked fence, so on...forgetaboutit. She may move, they may live together at one point, but lasting happiness? Even true, short-term happiness? One of them not cheating? Not gonna happen. I suggest you keep a bag of marshmallows at hand. Thank you for your post. It made me laugh. Haven't been doing that much lately....I agree. Their relationship is based upon deceit and lies....a whole bunch of them. Also, from her standpoint, visiting Chicago, partying, getting laid is all nice....but eventually the novelty wears off and life kicks in. Plus, the honeymoon phase of the relationship is taking longer to wear off because they only see each other once every month or couple of months. Plus, she's had me to hang out with/talk to up until 6 days ago....long live NC! Life is a lot easier to deal with in familiar surroundings...with family, friend support. AND if by chance the guy decides to move here....then he's got that crap to deal with. All in all, probably not a good chance of success.....not sure if it's as low as 2% ....but I like it! I'll save you a marshmallow.....
Author mikeey Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 I'll agree...Not gonna last no way no how!!! Percentage (I ran the numbers through the "Super Cheater 10000" and it gave me a .01782514 chance of it actually working!!!! Thanks for the prognosis Poorguy...I hope I can pay you for your calculation and prognostication with marshmallows.....you're invited to the roast to when the day comes.
threebyfate Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 The chance would be zero if you tell her current boyfriend about her cheating on him for a year and four months.
HopeisallIhave Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Math? Lets see... Trying to get her back through persuasion of any knid....2 + 2 = 5 Using NC...2 + 2 = 4 !!!!!
Author mikeey Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 Hahah...I'd be a liar if I said that the thought didn't cross my mind.....I could also include a couple ...maybe three naked pics of herself that she sent me through the course of the last 4 months...I'm sure he wouldn't like those too much either. Alas....it's not my style to do something like that. I want her world to crumble and I want her to come to me willingly....I'd much rather be sought out than being a cowardly thief....like this guy was when he pursued a girl who told him that she was in a relationship (although really, I don't know if that happened or not considering that all I have to go by is the testimony of someone who does not shy away from telling lies).
Author mikeey Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 Math? Lets see... Trying to get her back through persuasion of any knid....2 + 2 = 5 Using NC...2 + 2 = 4 !!!!! After four months of trying to arrive at a sum of 5 from 2+2, I couldn't agree with you more. I just wish that I would have stumbled upon this very supportive and insightful community way back when....I would have saved myself a lot of futile embarrassment. Someone who's mind and heart is somewhere else....can't be persuaded...despite all and varied efforts. That's a 100% reality according to my calculations.
threebyfate Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 So you want her back? Why would you want someone back who's capable of cheating for 1.4 years? You're better off telling her current b/f about her cheating so he has the opportunity to make a decision to ditch her and then for you to walk away.
Author mikeey Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 I would tend to agree with your outlook, save for the fact that I feel like I didn't give it my all in this relationship...again, not that my omission in any way excuses the low blow which I was dealt....but....I'd be a liar if I said that perhaps in this delusional state, I still feel like there was a lot there to grow on.....now whether or not I look at this the same way on day 70 of NC instead of my current 7 days, is another story. Thanks for your input.
Author mikeey Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 I do. At this point, nothing would be sweeter than hearing about the crumbling of her little fantasy world. Like I have said before, perhaps a couple weeks down the road, I won't be thinking like this....but I'm still very much caught up in the anger/vengeance stage of recovery which for me follows the period of acceptance.
112233 Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 I do. At this point, nothing would be sweeter than hearing about the crumbling of her little fantasy world. Like I have said before, perhaps a couple weeks down the road, I won't be thinking like this....but I'm still very much caught up in the anger/vengeance stage of recovery which for me follows the period of acceptance. Just get out. She'll architect her own disaster, check back in a few decades if you really want sweet revenge, but be careful what you wish for. The girl that broke my 19 year old heart ended up divorced, penniless, in a crappy job with a 17 year old pregnant daughter at home. When I got back in touch accidentally a while back it was all I could do not to ... well I'm not going to turn in my man card for you here, but it wasn't sweet by any means. Move along, she has to live her life being herself, that's likely to be more punishment than you would ever wish upon her.
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