Technically broke NC, but I'm ok with it...

[calliope]

So 2 days ago I sent him an e-mail. It was only 2 lines, but it was something that had been on my mind that I felt I really needed to say to make myself feel better. It was Day 12 NC/LC. I don't count it as a failure and will continue to count today as Day 14.

 

Selfish? Probably. But throughout this whole thing, he's been the selfish one. In all honesty, it did make me feel better and I'm glad I did it.

 

Yesterday I left town to spend the holidays with family. I'm now 6500 km away from him. I'll be away for 2 weeks and hope to be in a better frame of mind by the time I get back.

 

I didn't do it to generate a reply, simply to say something I wanted to say. I knew if I didn't say it, that it would plague me during my trip and I didn't want thoughts of him ruining my time with my famiy that I travelled so far to see.

 

He did reply, but not to the message itself. He replied to a different e-mail address that he knew I'd get while I'm away. It was just one line, a have a good Christmas, etc. kind of thing. But it won't generate any further contact. I feel like my original e-mail was my closure, and I'm ok with it....

[ItsNeverForever]

So 2 days ago I sent him an e-mail. It was only 2 lines, but it was something that had been on my mind that I felt I really needed to say to make myself feel better. It was Day 12 NC/LC. I don't count it as a failure and will continue to count today as Day 14.

 

Selfish? Probably. But throughout this whole thing, he's been the selfish one. In all honesty, it did make me feel better and I'm glad I did it.

 

Yesterday I left town to spend the holidays with family. I'm now 6500 km away from him. I'll be away for 2 weeks and hope to be in a better frame of mind by the time I get back.

 

I didn't do it to generate a reply, simply to say something I wanted to say. I knew if I didn't say it, that it would plague me during my trip and I didn't want thoughts of him ruining my time with my famiy that I travelled so far to see.

 

He did reply, but not to the message itself. He replied to a different e-mail address that he knew I'd get while I'm away. It was just one line, a have a good Christmas, etc. kind of thing. But it won't generate any further contact. I feel like my original e-mail was my closure, and I'm ok with it....

 

You're doing great, girlie...I'm almost of the mindset that if the communication wasn't meaningful for anyone but you, and his reply didn't generate anything harmful inside you or cause you to feel the need to respond to it, then it doesn't need to be counted.

 

I'm *doing a happy dance* for you right now, knowing that you're FAH, FAH away from that mess at home. You're gonna have a great holiday, I can feel it.

 

{{{hugs!}}}

[calliope]

His reply didn't generate anything harmful and I felt no need to respond. He didn't reply to what I had said, which is ok too. At least I know he read it.

 

And at least being 6500 km away, I don't have to worry for the next couple of weeks about running into him at the coffee shop, the park, on the road, etc.!! Haha!!

 

So far the holiday is going well, with my 9-yr old neice monopolizing me, I won't even have time to pine! Today we're going to make a gingerbread house...!

[ItsNeverForever]

His reply didn't generate anything harmful and I felt no need to respond. He didn't reply to what I had said, which is ok too. At least I know he read it.

 

And at least being 6500 km away, I don't have to worry for the next couple of weeks about running into him at the coffee shop, the park, on the road, etc.!! Haha!!

 

So far the holiday is going well, with my 9-yr old neice monopolizing me, I won't even have time to pine! Today we're going to make a gingerbread house...!

 

mmmm...gingerbread...

 

Yesss! Keeping too busy to pine - this is my plan, as well. I'm right here with ya!

[fooled once]

So 2 days ago I sent him an e-mail. It was only 2 lines, but it was something that had been on my mind that I felt I really needed to say to make myself feel better. It was Day 12 NC/LC. I don't count it as a failure and will continue to count today as Day 14.

 

Selfish? Probably. But throughout this whole thing, he's been the selfish one. In all honesty, it did make me feel better and I'm glad I did it.

 

Yesterday I left town to spend the holidays with family. I'm now 6500 km away from him. I'll be away for 2 weeks and hope to be in a better frame of mind by the time I get back.

 

I didn't do it to generate a reply, simply to say something I wanted to say. I knew if I didn't say it, that it would plague me during my trip and I didn't want thoughts of him ruining my time with my famiy that I travelled so far to see.

 

He did reply, but not to the message itself. He replied to a different e-mail address that he knew I'd get while I'm away. It was just one line, a have a good Christmas, etc. kind of thing. But it won't generate any further contact. I feel like my original e-mail was my closure, and I'm ok with it....

 

IF you needed to do that, then I am glad you did. Nothing worse than feeling as if one thing was left unsaid and it eats away at you.

 

Keep NC. Keep focused on what is most important to you.

 

Enjoy the time with your family and hope your holidays are wonderful!

[calliope]

IF you needed to do that, then I am glad you did. Nothing worse than feeling as if one thing was left unsaid and it eats away at you.

 

Keep NC. Keep focused on what is most important to you.

 

Enjoy the time with your family and hope your holidays are wonderful!

Thank you for saying that... I know how much I can sometimes obsess about stuff, even moreso over the past couple of weeks after so much has happened. I just needed to get it out before I left.

 

I hope you have a wonderful holiday too....!

[siuys]

Well done, calli. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to move forward. Maintain NC. The longer the NC, the clearer your head will be... that's how it is for me anyway... Merry Christmas!

[Heather1]

If I was going to get a Merry Christmas, it would have been today:(. I did get a generated email from his work with his name in the heading...ouch.

 

 

So I too sent a Merry Christmas note . I doubt I'll get one back, & that's ok. I know he's done

[calliope]

If I was going to get a Merry Christmas, it would have been today:(. I did get a generated email from his work with his name in the heading...ouch.

 

 

So I too sent a Merry Christmas note . I doubt I'll get one back, & that's ok. I know he's done

I didn't send a Merry Christmas note. It was soemthing else that I wanted to say to him post-A.

 

The message he sent back to me was a "have a good Christmas" kind of thing. I wouldn't and couldn't reply to that because honestly, I don't want him to have a good Christmas.....sounds mean, but if it's not genuine, I'm not going to pretend...

 

I feel for you though, I truly do and I hope you can manage to have a good Christmas - and I genuinely mean it!

[calliope]

Well done, calli. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to move forward. Maintain NC. The longer the NC, the clearer your head will be... that's how it is for me anyway... Merry Christmas!

I know you've been struggling a lot this week. I hope things get better for you very soon.... hugs...

[Heather1]

Very sweet....you too!! I'm ok, skiing & going to my Mom's next week & a huge NYE party with my fav HS friends.

Merry Christmas!!

My NY theme song is Katy Perry's "Firework.". We'll all be fine

[restart]

I'm in a strange mood tonite, having some Bailey's, and looking for deep thinking responses to this.

Why this NC?

You ARE subconsciously thinking about him; you ARE in denial thinking that you're NOT thinking about him. WHY? Because at some point during your holiday, or after, it will be like perhaps nothing ever escaped.

I'm not poking or provoking here, believe me I know about trying to heal and get back on track. But I have found, with age, that instead of putting on a pair of running shoes (which we could easily advertise here at LS...welcome!:here, have a new pair..see they fit...start running! ..non-contact ...meaning non-communication!..meaning just forget anything ever happened to you...any experience never developed you!) you know all you have left when you stop running, is your running shoes, and the abyss, why did you just do all that?

Isn't it better to communicate and resolve, at least until you mutually take a break, then perhaps re-communicate as needed to resolve further?

I mentioned to someone once before, we tend to treat LOVE like a job, or a home, or schools etc. Those things we can runaway from and find again. I ran away from a country. But LOVE, something so elusive, and we know it is, and then we give in to just treating it so cheaply by running away from it?

Now I know your situation is about the other man thing, right? And I don't know all that transpired (unless you had another post), but is there some sense in what I'm saying? That if you mutually (its got to be mutual) continued to communicate, for making you both better, wouldnt that be better than NC?

Please really really think deep before responding. You see where I'm driving at...I've always found (and likely everyone has I'm sure....), that if you face your FEARS...which could be much like this relationship status, don't you feel better rather than having expended avoidance tactics energy?

And what I'm forecasting, is that this temporary NC of yours is going to be just that...temporary. How can one ever have closure if you run away from things?

I'm just trying (like devil's advocate? I dunno...) to really see whether NC is right for you, take care.

[twinsmom]

If I was going to get a Merry Christmas, it would have been today:(. I did get a generated email from his work with his name in the heading...ouch.

 

 

So I too sent a Merry Christmas note . I doubt I'll get one back, & that's ok. I know he's done

 

 

Heather, I've followed your story for a very long time..HOW long have you tried to end it?? How many times have you refused to say that you love him? You've implied it once or twice, and I think you've actually said it a time or two. But from the first time I read your story, you "wanted" to end it. He treated you horribly, and it seems like that has not changed. I was very surprised to log on here and find that you are still pining away for this man. You keep not wanting to say that you love him, but it's obvious that you do. You are pretty much obsessed with him, but you know what? He is not obsessed with you. He's in the process of having a lovely Christmas with his wife. Sorry to be harsh, but it's the truth. You are craving as little as a "Merry Christmas" from him to you, and even that is not going to happen. His holiday cheer is reserved for his wife, who he has told you time and time again that he's not going to leave. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?? It makes me so sad.

 

Here is the reality, even if you don't want to see it. You are in love with a married man. No, it's not just "fun" for you..You are in love with him!! You want him, and not just part-time..You want him ALL of the time..

 

But it's not going to happen. Not only has he been honest with you in the past, he's been downright hateful, from what I remember. As much as I hate to say it, he will never be yours, and you're wasting YEARS pining away for him...Is he really worth that??

[calliope]

You ARE subconsciously thinking about him; you ARE in denial thinking that you're NOT thinking about him. WHY? Because at some point during your holiday, or after, it will be like perhaps nothing ever escaped.

 

Isn't it better to communicate and resolve, at least until you mutually take a break, then perhaps re-communicate as needed to resolve further?

 

But LOVE, something so elusive, and we know it is, and then we give in to just treating it so cheaply by running away from it?

 

Now I know your situation is about the other man thing, right? And I don't know all that transpired (unless you had another post), but is there some sense in what I'm saying? That if you mutually (its got to be mutual) continued to communicate, for making you both better, wouldnt that be better than NC?

 

I've always found that if you face your FEARS...which could be much like this relationship status, don't you feel better rather than having expended avoidance tactics energy?

And what I'm forecasting, is that this temporary NC of yours is going to be just that...temporary. How can one ever have closure if you run away from things?

 

No, I'm not subconsciusly thinking about him - I am consciously thinking about him and have never denied that. Gaining some distance and space from the whole situation will enable me to gain some perspective that I'd never be able to achieve at home because I both work with him and live on the same road, thus having to see him constantly.

 

Sure, it'd be great if we could communicate, I'd like nothing better. But after him leaving home and staying with me 2 days, he panicked, ended it with me and ran back home. He already confessed everything to her about us, so now he's trying to repair something that's been dysfunctional for a long time. He's tangled me up in his crap for long enough. I'm done trying to communicate because we just end up going in circles and I always end up getting hurt.

 

I'm not the one running away in this case, I'm simply trying to deal with the fallout of someone else's decision, made independent of me.

 

I am the other woman.

 

I'm not avoiding anything here. We had our final talk 2 weeks ago. He asked me to let him make his own mistakes. I can't always be here hanging on to be his fallback in case his current R doesn't work out. There comes a point where NC is necessary to just cut ties and move on.

[restart]

Hey, thats good stuff from you. Again, I just go by initial descriptions, so its good to get you thinking and you've revealed some things, you have your head on, well put. He is the runner here clearly. Get some of that fresh air each day you're away, you deserve it:)