joeeoj13 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Hi I am in need of some help with the sexual side of my relationship. I am a 32 year old male married for 4 years with 1 child aged 14 months. On the outside our relationship is great. We both love our son very dearly and we both love and care for each other. I do everything i can for my wife and treat her as a partner in a 50/50 relationship. Basically i tryto make my wifes life as easy as possible and try to encourage as much conversation as possible. Myself and my wife as i mentioned are married 4 years but together 11 in total. The sexual side of our relationship has struggled for a long time. We do have sex - maybe once a week usually but in general i feel that it is mainly me who initiates everything. I think at this stage i am very frustrated that no matter how many times we discuss issues in our sexual relationship - nothing ever seems to improve. I have a high libido she has a low libido - we have tried to meet in the middle but it doesnt happen. She doesnt wear any nice lingerie - she doesnt initiate sex - when we do have sex - its as if it is a chore. She doesnt like receiving oral sex and foreplay. It wasnt always like this - the first few years of the relationship were good but now everything is gone bad. I have suggested talking to a sex counseller together but the response i get is no - What do i do ? I am attracted to this woman - i would love to be having sex every day with her but as it is so infrequent and not exciting - i am losing hope. What can i do ?
JackJack Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Are you sure it isn't something medical? Or maybe depression? Does everything outside of the bedroom seem ok with her? I've seen many threads on here before where the husband will say they do everything for their wife, or they treat her so good etc, etc. They rule out medical issues and or pyschological issues but yet their wives are still not into sex that much etc. So If all of those things have been ruled out, or if they were to be ruled out and she still acts like this, then perhaps its time to look deeper into the issue. Could there be some kind of underlying resentment she has towards you for something that happened years ago? Maybe its something you do not know about? She didn't tell you what you did or said that caused her to feel that way, which means she needs to become better in her communication with you. Or, is it possible there is someone else?
sfranks1492 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I understand completely where you are in your relationship. Let me make a suggestion so that you don't wind up doing exactly what I did in my past relationship. My fiance (we were together 14yrs) had a high libido and I had a low libido. The longer we were together the more I felt it was a chore to have sex. He was totally attracted to me and vice versa but I was not happy with myself and how my physical appearance had changed. So I allowed that to stand in the way of pleasing him. My point for you is...he would CONSTANTLY say things like "we never have sex, it's like a chore anymore, I'm not gonna beg you, I'll get it elsewhere". Basically the way he communicated with me felt like I was constantly being nagged and harrassed about it. The bigger deal he made of it, the more he pushed me away. I don't blame him (I did then). I blame myself, but it made matters worse. Had we not FOCUSED on it so much and had it not seemed like the central issue, it may have gotten better. Rather it got worse. So i fear the more you push your wife about it and the more you make it an issue, the more you will push her away (even though I'm sure this is not what she wants, but his is a typical female reaction - flight versus fight)
Feelin Frisky Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I'm sorry but I'm afraid there's no hope unless she WANTS to change and accepts that she's the one with sexual shortfalls. You can't do anything to her or for her until it becomes her idea--and, your urging can backfire and cause her to get hardened in her resolve to be non-sexual most of the time. Hopefully she's approachable and you can tell her that you have a serious serious (if not deal breaker) issue. If she is not argumentative and really wants to keep you she may respond with favorable action. If she doesn't, there's no way to make her get help. Help would possibly include some hormone therapy to raise her libido and sexual imagination. You're certainly not alone as this scenario is playing out world wide in millions of relationships. Sorry you have to be in one of them.
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