Jonno_S Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 (edited) Background: I've seeing a woman for 9 weeks now. Things were great from the start - immediate, beautiful romantic attraction as well as getting along great, having lots of fun. There have been a few problems here and there (maybe 2? 3?) but nothing scary or glaring. We've been having beautiful sex - everything has been great. We used a condom a few times (which she bought) but usually go without and she is not on the pill. We are both monogamous (no trust issues as far as I see/feel/know). We have talked about marriage and kids in the not too distant future and frankly if she were to get pregnant, I would be very happy, but it's not our immediate goal. So last night, things began to heat up and at some point I suggested that I wear a condom. When she asked why I said it was because we don't want to have a kid by accident, and we had sort of said we should be more careful (while not stated, I interpreted that as her meaning to use a condom) and I figured since she ended her period last week that during risky times - more in the center of her cycle - a condom would be wise. She immediately became withdrawn and hurt from this. She started asking if I didn't love her, if our relationship had changed, etc. I think she even asked if maybe I had cheated. All these bad things. I was kind of flabbergasted that she would draw such conclusions just from that. After we sorted it out to some degree, we kind of got into a discussion/debate about whether that was a reasonable response to my suggestion of the condom. One of the things she said was that when that scenario has come up in discussions with girlfriends before she said it was like an "Oh no" moment. (That sounds like BS to me - kind of a made up example to prove her point.) I did not say that she was being ridiculous and I was considerate of her hurt feelings but at the same time, I thought that was a bit of an overreaction. Thoughts? Thanks in advance Edited December 23, 2010 by Jonno_S
welikeincrowds Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I have no frame of reference here because I cannot picture a marriage and kids discussion after 2 months.
creighton0123 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Tell her straightforward and very clearly that in your mind, condoms don't exist as a barrier for the emotional attraction and fulfillment you experience in sex. Say that at this point in time, while you care for her a great deal, you're not prepared to have a child. In the future, you should have your own condoms (her bringing them over is no excuse to not having your own). If both of you are fertile, you're running the risk unwanted pregnancy despite your pseudo NFP attitude. Condoms serve a greater purpose. I don't know if you know this girl well at this point in time, but condoms should be used for more than just avoiding pregnancy for people who have had multiple sexual partners. Everyone should use condoms 100% of the time until both partners have been tested and cleared of STD's/HIV at which point you can discuss other forms of temporary birth control (the pill, the patch, etc. etc.). If she is upset that you want to use condoms to avoid pregnancy at this point in time, she's not thinking very much about you and is acting in a very selfish way. Her response is completely unreasonable and immature. Your lack of regular condom use is also pretty irresponsible.
Author Jonno_S Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Tell her straightforward and very clearly that in your mind, condoms don't exist as a barrier for the emotional attraction and fulfillment you experience in sex. Say that at this point in time, while you care for her a great deal, you're not prepared to have a child. In the future, you should have your own condoms (her bringing them over is no excuse to not having your own). If both of you are fertile, you're running the risk unwanted pregnancy despite your pseudo NFP attitude. Condoms serve a greater purpose. I don't know if you know this girl well at this point in time, but condoms should be used for more than just avoiding pregnancy for people who have had multiple sexual partners. Everyone should use condoms 100% of the time until both partners have been tested and cleared of STD's/HIV at which point you can discuss other forms of temporary birth control (the pill, the patch, etc. etc.). If she is upset that you want to use condoms to avoid pregnancy at this point in time, she's not thinking very much about you and is acting in a very selfish way. Her response is completely unreasonable and immature. Your lack of regular condom use is also pretty irresponsible. Thank you. I needed to hear that. While I don't agree 100% your opinion is appreciated. (We did clear the STD test btw)
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