Lost the one

[manofone]

Alright just to get started about three years ago I was a freshman in college and I met this girl that I had these feelings for that i had really never felt before and one thing led to another and we started dating after hanging out for about three months. When i went to college the last thing i wanted was a girl friend but there was something about this girl that i just couldn't resist. We had been going out for about two years this summer when she was back home about 2,500 miles from me and where we went to school. One day we were talking on the phone and she told me that she just needed time to think about things and we should take a break. At this point she told me that there wasn't another guy and she loved me still very much and needed me in her life. So i went with what she was saying and agreed to break up. During this time i did what she wanted and that was to give her space so i didn't talk to her for about three weeks until i couldn't take it anymore and decided to text her asking if she still wanted to come to my families cabin at the end of summer just as friends and she told me that we weren't like that anymore so i asked if we could hang out when we got back to school and then she told me that there was another guy that she had met (i found out later it was 4 days before we broke up.) This devastated me and i did what i thought was right and just left her alone and waited until i could see her again when we got back to school. It was about four days before school started and she had been back at school for about three days and i saw on fb that she was going home so i texted her asking if she was going still go to school with me next year and she said no. (i also found out later that she made this decision while she was back at school not at home.) That night i drove from my home town to school which was 360 miles away showing up at three in the morning to her apartment door. This being the first time i had seen her since we left school before summer when we were still going out. She couldn't look me in the face for a while when i was there and we talked for about two hours and she just kept saying that i will find someone better and that there was a girl out there for me. I kept telling her that there wasn't and that i still loved her very much. She cried a bit while we were talking and when i told her i loved her. She said that she still wanted to be friends and talk to one another. I asked her if she really knew what she was doing becasue tonight would be the last time that i ever see you again in my life and she insisted that it wouldn't be that we would for sure be seeing one another in the future. I left that night feeling miserable and i haven't talked to her since that night which was five months ago.

I still think about her every day and really can't get her out of my head. I have tried to peruse other girls and other girls have been interested but i really just don't see anything in these girls that are coming after me and i don't want anything to do with them. Its weird i have seen a change in myself from being able to talk to girls to now wanting nothing to do with them. I have been working really hard to make myself a better person so maybe one day if i get the chance i can show my ex how much better things could be with me. I never really belived that a relationship could affect you physically and mentally so much until this happened to me i keep getting sick and weight less than i have for the past four years since my junior year of high school. She is in my dreams all the time and i constantly think about her through the day just wondering if ill ever get the chance to talk to her again or stop thinking about her becasue it really does affect my every day life. And im wondering if i should try and talk to her again or if i still need to give it time?

Edited December 23, 2010 by manofone

[january2010]

All the things you're doing to improve yourself should be for you and not for her. Until you let go completely, you're never going to heal properly. She's moved on with her life and so should you. It may take a while and sometimes the pain will seem unbearable, but don't rush it, there aren't any shortcuts and you need to allow the emotions to run their course.

 

And don't complicate matters by dating other girls. You're not ready and it's unfair to them.

 

Oh and by the way, to make it easier for others to read and respond, you might like to use paragraphs. One long wall of text can be quite a challenge and may reduce your chances of getting more responses because people find it too difficult to get through.

[manofone]

Hey thanks for the insight it really helps to hear that from some one else besides the people that are close to you.

I'm really not sure how to edit this so here it is again.

 

Alright just to get started about three years ago I was a freshman in college and I met this girl that I had these feelings for that i had really never felt before and one thing led to another and we started dating after hanging out for about three months. When i went to college the last thing i wanted was a girl friend but there was something about this girl that i just couldn't resist.

 

We had been going out for about two years this summer when she was back home about 2,500 miles from me and where we went to school. One day we were talking on the phone and she told me that she just needed time to think about things and we should take a break. At this point she told me that there wasn't another guy and she loved me still very much and needed me in her life. So i went with what she was saying and agreed to break up. During this time i did what she wanted and that was to give her space so i didn't talk to her for about three weeks until i couldn't take it anymore and decided to text her asking if she still wanted to come to my families cabin at the end of summer just as friends and she told me that we weren't like that anymore so i asked if we could hang out when we got back to school and then she told me that there was another guy that she had met (i found out later it was 4 days before we broke up.)

 

This devastated me and i did what i thought was right and just left her alone and waited until i could see her again when we got back to school. It was about four days before school started and she had been back at school for about three days and i saw on fb that she was going home so i texted her asking if she was going still go to school with me next year and she said no. (i also found out later that she made this decision while she was back at school not at home.) That night i drove from my home town to school which was 360 miles away showing up at three in the morning to her apartment door. This being the first time i had seen her since we left school before summer when we were still going out.

 

I still think about her every day and really can't get her out of my head. I have tried to peruse other girls and other girls have been interested but i really just don't see anything in these girls that are coming after me and i don't want anything to do with them. Its weird i have seen a change in myself from being able to talk to girls to now wanting nothing to do with them.

 

I have been working really hard to make myself a better person so maybe one day if i get the chance i can show my ex how much better things could be with me. I never really belived that a relationship could affect you physically and mentally so much until this happened to me i keep getting sick and weight less than i have for the past four years since my junior year of high school. She is in my dreams all the time and i constantly think about her through the day just wondering if ill ever get the chance to talk to her again or stop thinking about her becasue it really does affect my every day life. And im wondering if i should try and talk to her again or if i still need to give it time?