ItsNeverForever Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 This is going to sound probably very weird, but it's very real for me. There's a song that always makes me think of x"MM". Don't hear it on the radio every day, but every single time I do, I hear from him while it's on. This has happened throughout R, and continued even since we "broke up" 8 weeks ago, or whenever that was...I can't remember anymore. Anyway, every time that song is on, without fail, he either calls or texts. He doesn't know what the song is, so I know it's not purposeful on his part. It just came on, and my heart started to beat a little faster with anxiety. THEN... I HEARD NOTHING!!!!!!!! Wow. I'm sitting here, kind of surprised, but at the same time relieved...maybe it's really gonna stick this time. **crosses fingers** There's nothing I've ever wanted more than to be with him (except maybe a gajiliion dollars). I love him like I've never loved anyone. But I just NEED this to chapter to be closed. If I'm ever going to have a chance at happiness again, and it's not going to be with him, it's the only way. It makes me so sad to say that, but it has to be. *sigh* OK, I'm done babbling today. Just processing.
SunsetRed Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 "There's nothing I've ever wanted more than to be with him (except maybe a gajiliion dollars). I love him like I've never loved anyone. But I just NEED this to chapter to be closed. If I'm ever going to have a chance at happiness again, and it's not going to be with him, it's the only way. It makes me so sad to say that, but it has to be. *sigh*" Wow, you quoted the way I feel, word for word. I, like you, know that if I'm ever going to be happy, I have to let thoughts of him go. I'm ready for the next chapter in my life. I think everyone who's ever posted on this forum has had to make the concious decision to choose happiness without their xMM. No one has ever come back to this forum with an update that says "My xMM got a divorce and came back to me on bended knee" None of these MMs will return to our lives and if they do, it won't be for long term and we won't get treated well. 2011 is almost here, so let's begin this new year with a great frame of mind and a fresh start.
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 2011 is almost here, so let's begin this new year with a great frame of mind and a fresh start. Let's goooooooo! 2011 cannot get here fast enough! LOL ...and, on top of that song not bringing word earlier, the first daily 'window of opportunity' during which he would normally text has come and gone without word, as well. Lookin' good...
calliope Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 "There's nothing I've ever wanted more than to be with him. I love him like I've never loved anyone. But I just NEED this to chapter to be closed. If I'm ever going to have a chance at happiness again, and it's not going to be with him, it's the only way. It makes me so sad to say that, but it has to be." Wow, you quoted the way I feel, word for word. I, like you, know that if I'm ever going to be happy, I have to let thoughts of him go. I'm ready for the next chapter in my life. Ditto me... not easy, but necessary.
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 I wish we could all get together for a movin' on party! I'm such a dork...
bentnotbroken Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 The new year. A time that most of us look for renewal, losing the things that affect us negatively and beginning a new way of life. All positive but... How many times have we said what we were going to do/ what we aren't going to do/and of course the never ending getting into shape. This isn't a post to slam any of you, put any of you down or to dismiss your resolve. It is only to let you know that the things that have to change the most for any of us is what we change inside, what we change about ourselves. The most effective way to ensure a different view is to take a different route. You all seem to want something different. You are hanging on with a resolve built on pain and anger. I have been there. It works for awhile. What you need is the resolve that comes from somewhere deep within you. When one looks (it ain't always pretty) you will find those things that were dismissed so long ago as part of the growing process. You will find things that you had to endure (sickness, death, abuse, neglect) to get to the point you are today. You will have to figure out how to use those things as building blocks to move you beyond this and into a future you have never imagined. Into a future of having a relationship with you. When I looked at the things in my past that held me back, wait...not just looked at but faced them, I grew in ways I never imagined. I am not on for New Year's resolutions but I am one for resolving to be the best me I can be....and that starts with never burying anything again. Put it in the light, examine it, embrace it or dismiss it. But by doing one or all of these things...I don't believe you will ever be looking for yourself or be in this position that causes you so much pain again. The blessing are yours for the asking. Embrace them and yourself. As I said this wasn't intended to offend or hurt anyone. If I have I apologize. Merry Christmas.
pureinheart Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 This is going to sound probably very weird, but it's very real for me. There's a song that always makes me think of x"MM". Don't hear it on the radio every day, but every single time I do, I hear from him while it's on. This has happened throughout R, and continued even since we "broke up" 8 weeks ago, or whenever that was...I can't remember anymore. Anyway, every time that song is on, without fail, he either calls or texts. He doesn't know what the song is, so I know it's not purposeful on his part. It just came on, and my heart started to beat a little faster with anxiety. THEN... I HEARD NOTHING!!!!!!!! Wow. I'm sitting here, kind of surprised, but at the same time relieved...maybe it's really gonna stick this time. **crosses fingers** There's nothing I've ever wanted more than to be with him (except maybe a gajiliion dollars). I love him like I've never loved anyone. But I just NEED this to chapter to be closed. If I'm ever going to have a chance at happiness again, and it's not going to be with him, it's the only way. It makes me so sad to say that, but it has to be. *sigh* OK, I'm done babbling today. Just processing. I understand how you feel. The hope that something miraculous will take place and you'll wake up from this horrible nightmare. When one door closes, another opens ...a better door:)
fooled once Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 This is going to sound probably very weird, but it's very real for me. There's a song that always makes me think of x"MM". Don't hear it on the radio every day, but every single time I do, I hear from him while it's on. This has happened throughout R, and continued even since we "broke up" 8 weeks ago, or whenever that was...I can't remember anymore. Anyway, every time that song is on, without fail, he either calls or texts. He doesn't know what the song is, so I know it's not purposeful on his part. It just came on, and my heart started to beat a little faster with anxiety. THEN... I HEARD NOTHING!!!!!!!! Wow. I'm sitting here, kind of surprised, but at the same time relieved...maybe it's really gonna stick this time. **crosses fingers** There's nothing I've ever wanted more than to be with him (except maybe a gajiliion dollars). I love him like I've never loved anyone. But I just NEED this to chapter to be closed. If I'm ever going to have a chance at happiness again, and it's not going to be with him, it's the only way. It makes me so sad to say that, but it has to be. *sigh* OK, I'm done babbling today. Just processing. Keep processing Its. Steps forward each day, even baby ones. As long as you don't stand still or go backwards, you are on the right path - a healthier path. I hope a year from now you are in a much healthier, more passionate and more fulfilling relationship.
BB07 Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 The new year. A time that most of us look for renewal, losing the things that affect us negatively and beginning a new way of life. All positive but... How many times have we said what we were going to do/ what we aren't going to do/and of course the never ending getting into shape. This isn't a post to slam any of you, put any of you down or to dismiss your resolve. It is only to let you know that the things that have to change the most for any of us is what we change inside, what we change about ourselves. The most effective way to ensure a different view is to take a different route. You all seem to want something different. You are hanging on with a resolve built on pain and anger. I have been there. It works for awhile. What you need is the resolve that comes from somewhere deep within you. When one looks (it ain't always pretty) you will find those things that were dismissed so long ago as part of the growing process. You will find things that you had to endure (sickness, death, abuse, neglect) to get to the point you are today. You will have to figure out how to use those things as building blocks to move you beyond this and into a future you have never imagined. Into a future of having a relationship with you. When I looked at the things in my past that held me back, wait...not just looked at but faced them, I grew in ways I never imagined. I am not on for New Year's resolutions but I am one for resolving to be the best me I can be....and that starts with never burying anything again. Put it in the light, examine it, embrace it or dismiss it. But by doing one or all of these things...I don't believe you will ever be looking for yourself or be in this position that causes you so much pain again. The blessing are yours for the asking. Embrace them and yourself. As I said this wasn't intended to offend or hurt anyone. If I have I apologize. Merry Christmas. What an awesome post Bent! Very beautiful! Merry Christmas to you also!
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 The new year. A time that most of us look for renewal, losing the things that affect us negatively and beginning a new way of life. All positive but... How many times have we said what we were going to do/ what we aren't going to do/and of course the never ending getting into shape. This isn't a post to slam any of you, put any of you down or to dismiss your resolve. It is only to let you know that the things that have to change the most for any of us is what we change inside, what we change about ourselves. The most effective way to ensure a different view is to take a different route. You all seem to want something different. You are hanging on with a resolve built on pain and anger. I have been there. It works for awhile. What you need is the resolve that comes from somewhere deep within you. When one looks (it ain't always pretty) you will find those things that were dismissed so long ago as part of the growing process. You will find things that you had to endure (sickness, death, abuse, neglect) to get to the point you are today. You will have to figure out how to use those things as building blocks to move you beyond this and into a future you have never imagined. Into a future of having a relationship with you. When I looked at the things in my past that held me back, wait...not just looked at but faced them, I grew in ways I never imagined. I am not on for New Year's resolutions but I am one for resolving to be the best me I can be....and that starts with never burying anything again. Put it in the light, examine it, embrace it or dismiss it. But by doing one or all of these things...I don't believe you will ever be looking for yourself or be in this position that causes you so much pain again. The blessing are yours for the asking. Embrace them and yourself. As I said this wasn't intended to offend or hurt anyone. If I have I apologize. Merry Christmas. Bent, no offense taken at ALL. Like BB said, this is a beautiful post. And it's caused me to do a LOT of thinking and put things into better perspective. THANK YOU. Merry Christmas.
Ladyblue Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 The new year. A time that most of us look for renewal, losing the things that affect us negatively and beginning a new way of life. All positive but... How many times have we said what we were going to do/ what we aren't going to do/and of course the never ending getting into shape. This isn't a post to slam any of you, put any of you down or to dismiss your resolve. It is only to let you know that the things that have to change the most for any of us is what we change inside, what we change about ourselves. The most effective way to ensure a different view is to take a different route. You all seem to want something different. You are hanging on with a resolve built on pain and anger. I have been there. It works for awhile. What you need is the resolve that comes from somewhere deep within you. When one looks (it ain't always pretty) you will find those things that were dismissed so long ago as part of the growing process. You will find things that you had to endure (sickness, death, abuse, neglect) to get to the point you are today. You will have to figure out how to use those things as building blocks to move you beyond this and into a future you have never imagined. Into a future of having a relationship with you. When I looked at the things in my past that held me back, wait...not just looked at but faced them, I grew in ways I never imagined. I am not on for New Year's resolutions but I am one for resolving to be the best me I can be....and that starts with never burying anything again. Put it in the light, examine it, embrace it or dismiss it. But by doing one or all of these things...I don't believe you will ever be looking for yourself or be in this position that causes you so much pain again. The blessing are yours for the asking. Embrace them and yourself. As I said this wasn't intended to offend or hurt anyone. If I have I apologize. Merry Christmas. Thank you for this, Bent. This morning, it is tremendously helpful to me. It may be the most beneficial thing for me that I've read recently. Merry Christmas to everyone!
IzzyB Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 INF, you made me laugh when you posted you are a dork. LOL i call myself that too, in a loving way. You are doing fine. How about viewing him not contacting you during the song as a sign that you are breaking his hold over you. You have had tremendous insight since you started posting and if you keep being clear with yourself about this man you will only move forward. Bent, love what you wrote. I think its cool to use the new year as a marker for change, however in truth, its just another day. And it appears from those former OW who are posting here, many of you have already started NC and are honoring yourselves for a change. Thats awesome. For me, NC didnt work, it left the door open. I had to say to exMM its time to say goodbye. we are ending it "for real". He kept wanting to go NC but couldnt maintain it. I got myself to a place that I needed to end it because I wasnt getting my needs met anymore. I dont mean to say its easy, it just became incredibly clear to me. So now whenever i miss him and start "pining" I think to myself, "okay, so i call him and he will see me then what?" the answer is, the same old crap: still not meeting my needs and still thinking only of himself. And he is one of the good guys (comparitively speaking). LOL But weakness and dysfunction, even though I love him, and I know he loves me, just have no place in my life anymore.
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