blacksentra Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Ok long story short. My ex offically broke up with me back in August. However, we were "exclusively on and off" up until the beginning of December. Her final words to me, during an arguement, were "Im having fun with my friends and focusing on me and my life. You need to date others and move on." When I responded that I dont want anyone but her she said "well, Im dating others." I think this break up is for good because usually in the past she would break up with me but still be angered if other women paid me attention and wouldnt pay any other men attention. However, now she wants me to go and do my own thing, like she is. I've been doing a lot of thinking the past few weeks and while I miss her terribly, I've come to realize that we weren't right for each other and that she really didnt make me happy. However, I just cant shake the thought of her dating and getting closer to other guys. I dont believe that she's having sex with anyone else yet due to her low sex drive (part of the reason I wasnt happy) but it just kills me to know that she may be doing the things we used to to with someone else (watching movies, dinner dates, cuddling, etc)............I check her facebook occasionally (stupid i know) and I see a couple guys complimenting her; and I also see her status updates that sometimes seem to refer to her infatuation with someone else. How do I deal with this pain? At this point my rational mind says that I wasnt happy with her and that she can do whatever she wants; and so can I. But my heart still misses her and aches over her dating others. I just want to move on and be free from this torment.
alwayshoping Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 you don't miss her, you miss the companionship. You admitted she didn't make you happy so its time to go NC and just let your heart heal. When your happy single and with yourself then you will be ready to meet new people and date again. It takes time to heal your heart but you know it's for the best, however hard that maybe to hear. Good luck and post on here if you have moments of weakness which you will.
goldenrainbow Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 How do you deal with that? Well first you need to block her from FB or else you will be constantly checking on her and that brings even more pain. She is obviously moving on and you need to do that. We don't like sharing someone we still love, although that person is no longer "ours". It takes time to realize that that person really does not owe us any justification about who she sees, but we really need to accept that
SimonSerenade Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 That was always my stumbling block, The feeling of being replaced and her being with somebody else, After all, I felt we were made to be with one another, I was her first time in the sack and her first love and for the cherry on the top of the cake we had our first child together, She's never been the same since our child was born, Sex drive went down the toilet as did her nice caring personality, I don't think she could stomach sleeping with somebody she wasn't in love with and meant something to, That's the only comfort I get now she's gone. Unfortunately there's nothing more we can do now but work on ourselves, Me and my ex broke up in August and 4 months on she's still on my mind night and day every day, I blocked her on Facebook and msn, She's attempted to contact me through email but I've completely ignored her all together, Best thing for it, Be sure to show her what your made of and do the same. They have no right to do what there doing to us, They need to see they can't just walk in and out as they please, They may be free to do whatever they please even though we may be loyal to them and one day we'll be the one's in the right for doing absolutely nothing at all. =]
J0N Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I am nine weeks in to my own breakup. Take my advice, go NC and move on. If you keep trying to plead with her it's not going to help your situation. Box up stuff she gave you and put it away, block FB. Checking her FB is just as bad as breaking NC in my mind, nobody needs a news feed into their ex's life during a breakup, maybe once your both genuinely moved on you can add her if you want. Focus on your own life for a while, this is very hard at first but it is the only way to get over somebody. I bet she isn't really seeing anyone else, but by saying that she is trying to send you a message that she is serious about moving on. I know this may be hard to hear now, especially since it's christmas but trust me if you do this you will be grateful later. Merry Christmas
mgene15 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 yep you just gotta force yourself sometimes to go NC, I begged and pleaded at the beginning of the breakup and now I'm 2 months NC. Just do it for yourself, because the longer you try to contact her, the longer you inflict pain on yourself, and that's real.
Breakupguy12 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Ok long story short. My ex offically broke up with me back in August. However, we were "exclusively on and off" up until the beginning of December. Her final words to me, during an arguement, were "Im having fun with my friends and focusing on me and my life. You need to date others and move on." When I responded that I dont want anyone but her she said "well, Im dating others." I think this break up is for good because usually in the past she would break up with me but still be angered if other women paid me attention and wouldnt pay any other men attention. However, now she wants me to go and do my own thing, like she is. I've been doing a lot of thinking the past few weeks and while I miss her terribly, I've come to realize that we weren't right for each other and that she really didnt make me happy. However, I just cant shake the thought of her dating and getting closer to other guys. I dont believe that she's having sex with anyone else yet due to her low sex drive (part of the reason I wasnt happy) but it just kills me to know that she may be doing the things we used to to with someone else (watching movies, dinner dates, cuddling, etc)............I check her facebook occasionally (stupid i know) and I see a couple guys complimenting her; and I also see her status updates that sometimes seem to refer to her infatuation with someone else. How do I deal with this pain? At this point my rational mind says that I wasnt happy with her and that she can do whatever she wants; and so can I. But my heart still misses her and aches over her dating others. I just want to move on and be free from this torment. I know from personal experience that just because she has a low sex drive with you doesn't mean she has a low sex drive with someone else. You're in love still, so what you're going through is normal. Each time that you visit her facebook page and speak to her, you're reopening the scab that had began to heal. Getting back together requires a commitment from BOTH parties, and that's not the case here, so you're wasting time that you could be healing or healed continuing to reach out to her or find out how she's doing. If you cut off contact or even looking at her Facebook, the thought of her being with someone else won't bother you as much. Trust that. I've been there!
Author blacksentra Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 I think you guys are right. I haven't been in direct contact with her but spying on her fb has been torment for me. I looked up there this morning and saw that at around 3:30 am her status read "just got in, great night!!"............this really hurt me. Now all I can think about is what she was doing and with who. I'm hopeless smh.
LifeIsGreat Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Here's another thing about that dang FB.... sometimes an ex will go out of their way to seem happier than they really are, and will do it with the FB status. Believe me, and ex knows you will be checking on them and they can use it as bait to hurt you. First of all, always defriend your ex- right away. Second, if you have a weak moment and you check remember what you see may not be true. Remember, you ex may intentionally trying to hurt your feelings.
ResetReality Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Mate, come on, really? Why are you doing this to yourself? what makes her so special? You've already said she didn't make you happy, so why are you sitting around forcing yourself to see how much 'fun' she is having?, why don't you go out and have some fun of your own? If she was this special person, loving, caring, why they hell are you in the situation you're in right now? Truth is she isn't the person you thought she was, and mate, people change, I know this first hand... It is time to move on, time to grow and find out what you really want from a woman, no offense here but it seems like she is acting like a total selfish cow. You can do better and you're better off without someone like that, take her off the throne you've placed her on, BLOCK her and carry on with you're life! I did that 6-7 months ago and I sure as hell don't regret a thing!
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