bboy Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Thought I'd give you an update. I've made notes once a month about how things have progressed. Relationship: We met last Christmas. Was a bit rocky, with ups and downs when we didn't see each other. Very intense. None of us were really perfect to each other. Break up: My ex left me without saying a word. We had an argument over the phone and she's been No Contact since day one. Reason: Can guess. Will never really know. Was never told. In the beginning I tried to contact her a few days after the break up. No reply. I had a rough period this fall because of certain things. So I once tried to contact her. No reply. So here goes a summary: 1 month: A total mess. Felt really really bad. 2 month: I'm strong enough to maintain strict NC. Shifting between anger and sadness. 3 month: Sometimes I'm reminded of the good, sometimes the bad. When I'm occupied, I'm not reminded at all. Emotions still come and go. But I don't know if it is because of the loss of the individual or because of the void it created. 4 month: It is quite some time. If I think about my ex, I don't get all over emotional. Saw a picture recently and looked away. Not because I knew I had to, but rather an instinct. No initiation of contact from either one. Still, I can wake up in the morning and think about it with a big *sigh*. The whole thing just feels like a big waste. Holidays are coming up fast and I hope Christmas is going to be easy on me. Do date and so, but have not given it an honest shot yet. Lame I guess, but going serious with someone who I can't commit feels just as lame. 5 month: Well, that is now. Christmas tomorrow. No Contact is no longer a process, it's a permanent situation. Finding interest in others is really hard. To sum it up. I'm not a happy person... I really hope I will log in here soon and write - it's all gone. I have no feelings whatsoever.
january2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 This will be helpful to those who are still in the very early stages. Hope things improve for you very soon.
alwayshoping Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 i hope you do too matey......nice update of the process NC puts you through though x
Author bboy Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Thank you for the comforting words. Christmas is not a good period for a dumpee. I just want it to pass as soon as it can. The thought of how little my ex cares for me or the relationship we had is a hard pill to swallow.
smk Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 hey Bboy - it will get better... it seems our breaks happened around the same time (mine was mid june) - and i followed a similar pattern to some extent. It was a little difficult for me to go complete NC (she works for a company I part own) and hence we had some interaction... We started our "courtship" in december hence i know the feeling of not having that someone... but trust me when you hit that 6 month mark its just strange you wont even realise it when its gone past and things look... I know its tough to say or think about it right now but you will get to that point where you will feel happy... Like you I am not looking to get into something atm purely because I know i wouldnt be able to give it a 100% shot - hence I figured I may aswell enjoy some "me" time till I am ready... I just found out yesterday that she is seeing someone - for a few moments I was a little sad and I did have the "sigh" but you know what I know that there is someone else out there who will love and care for me no matter what - and knowing that thought makes me want to go out there and find them... You will get there too - and I am sure that when you meet her you will forget all about this ex... till then take each day as it comes and be strong buddy... the world is a beautiful place - with or without them...
GreenPolicy Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 68 days since my breakup, 52 days of NC. First Two Weeks - shock, intense feelings of distress, unable to sleep through the night, not much in the way of appetite. One Month Mark - able to sleep through the night again, appetite returned, feeling slightly better through constant analyzing of relationship and bargaining/hope, as well as reading lots of breakup literature, lots of talking about it with mom and counselor Six Week Mark - Beginning to feel significant depression as the loss begins to sink in and the permanence of it is contemplated. Awareness that excess energy needs to be diverted to things that make me whole and help me learn and grow as a person, including strengthening relationships with people still in my life. Emotionally not at that point yet. Emotionally only now leaving the relationship and feeling intense sadness and loss. Having a very hard time emotionally accepting the relationship is over. Struggling very much reconciling what my brain tells me rationally and what my heart feels. Feels like my heart has a ways to go to catch up my brain.* Ten Week Mark - Feeling restless and uneasy as NC has allowed me to gain certain insights into my relationship that I didn't realize during the first two months. There is an ego bruise as I realize that certain things I thought were true about her and our relationship turned out to be false. And it really hurts to know that reconciliation is just not possible - there are reasons why we broke up, and they are not going to be overcome in the near future. I try not to think about what she is doing and who she may or may not be doing it with. Sooner or later I will be replaced, and that may or may not have happened yet. That hurts. Because she left the relationship emotionally about a month before finally pulling the trigger, she is going to be ready to move on and date again before I will. It's hard to shift your focus to YOU and what is best for YOU, but that's what I'm trying to do. I have been going to the gym almost every night, so I have something to do instead of sitting alone in my apartment. I've made some plans to travel, I've filled out some volunteer applications. It still hurts like hell through.
Author bboy Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 A little update and perhaps some comforting words for some. It's almost 7 months and the world have not crashed yet. Occupation have been a real good treat for some time. However, spending time alone have been the hardest part. When it's only you and your thoughts. But it's getting... well... boring. A lot of the anger is gone. I still find things bugging me, but I'm easily distracted and my mind seems to be able to connect to other things around me. I can actually find myself in a good mood and almost doubt myself for feeling it. Looking back at things when feelings are not involved does give a clearer perspective and instead of thinking about my ex as an idiot, I rather come to the conclusion that it was a person that I simply did not understand and that I don't really want to spend a longer time with someone I don't I can't rationally understand.
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