daisy1978 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Do we have an opportunity to reconciliate. My ex and I broke up three weeks ago. Things were great up until that point. Amazing actually. We had an incredible connection on every level and wanted the same things for our future. We had been dating for 6 months and professed we were each others"one's". Our parents were meant to meet that week and we were going to get engaged and were planning our wedding for next fall. We had an argument. I suggested waiting a few months for our parents to meet and he felt I was unsure about marriage. I wasn't unsure but I was trying to be accomodating to the fact they were out of town. This ended up escalating into an argument where we had a complete communication break down- the first one ever in our 6 month long relationship - there was yelling - but no name calling- just not very effective communication- he came back and said lets put the marriage on hold until we sort out our communication issues- I freaked out- leftover insecurities from a past relationship where my ex would always ask for more time before committing to me- I asked if we were breaking up, if we were even dating exclusively anymore, that I didn't know how i felt about us, that i felt like we were ending. I told him i didn't want to see him for the rest of the week and slammed down the phone. We spoke once after that where i tried to explain to him that I was sorry for my reaction but it was a left over reaction from a previous relationship/ issues from a previous relationship. He broke up with me a few days later saying i hadn't let go of my past. That i had a long 8 year relationship prior to us dating and that i only had one month between that relationsip ending and the start of this one and I hadn't completely let go of it. He in the past had expressed an insecurity to me about keeping the lines of communication open with ex's because his ex had once cheated on him with her ex - and during the course of our relationship my ex was always trying to contact me and that scared him - although I was always very honest with him if this ever occured. He said if we had just met 6 months later things would have been different , but he didn't like the person he was becoming - that he was paranoid and delusional - he didn't like the fact that my ex's family were still my friends on facebook. That I hadn't let go of my past. That we were amazing together but it would only get worse. I didn't know what to do at that moment- so he left- i said good-bye and then I knew he was going to the airport so I wrote him a grand love letter and raced to the airport to give it to him- didn't see him there but gave it to his sister instead. No reply. I waited a week and called him - to talk- he said he had made the right decision. That he wasn't angry, but sad. I accepted that. My last contact to him was an email about two weeks ago with some details in it about stuff he had to send to me but nothing about getting back together. He sent it to me and that was the last of our contact. Since then I have been meeting with a counsellor and have come to terms with the fact the I hadn't let go of my past and it was destructive- case in point the way I reacted to him and the way I reacted in our arguments. I have since purged my 8 year ex from my life in entirety and have been learning how to be a more effective communicator and am learning about the destructive communication patterns that were established in my previous relationship. I don't doubt for a moment that he loved me. And i've searched deep inside me to ensure that I truly loved him- and I did- I've never felt this way about anyoned. I've tried to be very factual in terms of the events. I'm looking for advise from dumpers, dumpees, people who have been in similar situationts- would he ever be open to listening to me- open to a reconciliation.
january2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 It's only been three weeks. I'd imagine that even though you're doing good work with your counsellor, you are still very "fresh" and raw from the break up. At the moment, you're a slave to your emotions. While we can't read his mind to determine if he is open to the possibility, in general, reconciliation is not highly probable. In my experience, second chances are very rare and any do-overs don't tend to last long. If all that you have to keep you going is holding onto the hope that you will one day reconcile, it's likely that you won't be in a good position emotionally and mentally if/when he does return. I suggest letting go completely. Cut off all contact. Focus on your life rather what he's doing/thinking/feeling. Work at resolving the issues that you have already recognised and any new ones that you discover. Get yourself back to a position of strength and emotional stability. Then if he returns, you can decide if you want to give it another go or move on with your life without him.
Author daisy1978 Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 Absolutely- great feedback. The pain and emotions are still raw- and I have been NC with the exception of 1 phone call a week after the break up. I have no intention of attempting to contact him until i feel like I've worked through my past issues which will be at least a couple of months. But I feel like because this was all due to something fixable I do hope that one day we'll be able to meet up again-
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