seneca89 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Let me start off being completely honest and with a little background information. I am 21 years old and have only been with my boyfriend since August of this year, but the feelings between us are very strong. He is 24 and is in the navy. I have a two year old daughter with someone else- a guy who wasn't willing to step up to the plate and things were really bad for awhile. Then in waltzed my now boyfriend. He is a kind, caring man and is very supportive of me and is good to my daughter. Which is why it pains me to even have to be posting here. He is currently on patrol, meaning there is very little contact between us, only an email every now and then- and I am unable to give him any bad news until he returns home. I have been friends with a guy since we were fourteen. Before my boyfriend left, I would talk to him every now and then on facebook. Just casually. When my boyfriend left, the communication between me and my friend increased, partly to me having too much free time on my hands, and also because I became very lonely. To make a long story short- our relationship increased to the point that I made a sober, conscious decision to sleep with him. Which is now a decision that I regret so badly. He says he loves me and wants me to leave my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend and don't want to leave him. The guy I slept with is begging me to not tell. He says it will cause problems for him because they hang out with the same circle of people. I am torn whether or not I should confess. I know what I did was wrong and I feel terrible about it. I know for a fact if I tell my boyfriend, he will leave me. He has made it clear that he has no tolerance for that kind of thing. I also know if I don't tell him, he will never find out. I'm not sure if I can live with myself if I don't tell him. I will feel that I have "tricked" him into being with me and that our relationship will be built upon a lie. But I also can't bare the thought of him leaving me. As hard as it may seem to believe, I really love him and care about him. I had a moment of weakness. I know that what I have done is wrong and selfish, so please don't waste your time telling me that. I just need your opinion on to tell or not to tell. Please.
wicar1 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Let me start off being completely honest and with a little background information. I am 21 years old and have only been with my boyfriend since August of this year, but the feelings between us are very strong. He is 24 and is in the navy. I have a two year old daughter with someone else- a guy who wasn't willing to step up to the plate and things were really bad for awhile. Then in waltzed my now boyfriend. He is a kind, caring man and is very supportive of me and is good to my daughter. Which is why it pains me to even have to be posting here. He is currently on patrol, meaning there is very little contact between us, only an email every now and then- and I am unable to give him any bad news until he returns home. I have been friends with a guy since we were fourteen. Before my boyfriend left, I would talk to him every now and then on facebook. Just casually. When my boyfriend left, the communication between me and my friend increased, partly to me having too much free time on my hands, and also because I became very lonely. To make a long story short- our relationship increased to the point that I made a sober, conscious decision to sleep with him. Which is now a decision that I regret so badly. He says he loves me and wants me to leave my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend and don't want to leave him. The guy I slept with is begging me to not tell. He says it will cause problems for him because they hang out with the same circle of people. I am torn whether or not I should confess. I know what I did was wrong and I feel terrible about it. I know for a fact if I tell my boyfriend, he will leave me. He has made it clear that he has no tolerance for that kind of thing. I also know if I don't tell him, he will never find out. I'm not sure if I can live with myself if I don't tell him. I will feel that I have "tricked" him into being with me and that our relationship will be built upon a lie. But I also can't bare the thought of him leaving me. As hard as it may seem to believe, I really love him and care about him. I had a moment of weakness. I know that what I have done is wrong and selfish, so please don't waste your time telling me that. I just need your opinion on to tell or not to tell. Please. -Even if you dont tell your bf the chances of him finding out is very high. I bet his instincts are already warning him. So when he comes to know you were cheating on him you are in trouble. -If you love truly loved your bf, you wouldnt have cheated. -Do you really think your bf needs/deserves a cheater, liar?
Bryanp Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 You need to tell your boyfriend. You either have a relationship based on honesty and respect or lies and deceit. It was bad enough that you cheated on him. It will be worse if you do not tell him. By not telling him you continue to disrespect him and make him look like a fool. You know that the right thing to do is to be honest with him. I wish you luck.
lkjh Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Tell him, you have no idea what you really did and he has a right to know. You can't trick him into staying with you. That is worse than cheating
forrest Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 read the other cheating threads on here. Think about how you would reply to someone who has cheated on their SO. What would be your answer? Probably to fess up, right? So....fess up to your bf. It will hurt, and if he lets you go. It will be his decision and you'll be better for it (than lying) in your next relationship.
TaraMaiden Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Tell me, while you were cheating, did you know you were cheating? I would guess the answer is 'yes'.... If you 'do the crime', be prepared to 'do the time'. You can't have your cake and eat it....
Darren Steez Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 you did what you did knowing the full consequences of your actions. You left a guy who treated you poorly and found a guy who treated with respect and honour. you knew full well of his feelings towards cheating, why would he want to be with a woman who cheats and sleeps with other men while he's risking his life for his country, missing you everyday while he away from you in other land? But you still did it, you regret it now, but most likely you will do it again because you didn't get caught, in fact you're saying it now, if you don't tell him he will never find out, so what's to stop you doing it again, with someone outside your circle of friends, someone who won't tell? The fact is you need to be honest with this guy, its up to him whether he leaves you or not, don't lie to him, you made the decision to cheat, now live with the consequences, I'm only so strong with this because you're involving a little child in this, a child that is not his, and you are tricking this man into committing to a child that is not his, is that fair? Is it fair that this child bonds with a man who is being tricked into a relationship based on lies? If you're really sorry don't tell this forum, I don't know why you are writing here in the first place, what advice do you want? People to tell you to lie, you wont find it here my friend. Tell him, but my guess is you won't, so good luck. I feel sorry for you if he does find out from someone other than yourself because then you will truly lose him.
Chi townD Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Seneca, What do you think is right? BINGO! Agreed....
reservoirdog1 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 (edited) To make a long story short- our relationship increased to the point that I made a sober, conscious decision to sleep with him. Which is now a decision that I regret so badly. He says he loves me and wants me to leave my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend and don't want to leave him. The guy I slept with is begging me to not tell. He says it will cause problems for him because they hang out with the same circle of people. I am torn whether or not I should confess. I know what I did was wrong and I feel terrible about it. I know for a fact if I tell my boyfriend, he will leave me. He has made it clear that he has no tolerance for that kind of thing. I also know if I don't tell him, he will never find out. I'm not sure if I can live with myself if I don't tell him. I will feel that I have "tricked" him into being with me and that our relationship will be built upon a lie. But I also can't bare the thought of him leaving me. As hard as it may seem to believe, I really love him and care about him. I had a moment of weakness. I know that what I have done is wrong and selfish, so please don't waste your time telling me that. I just need your opinion on to tell or not to tell. Please. Wow, everybody's speaking with one voice, aren't they? I'll add to it. You owe your BF the truth. Yes, you could well lose him. But the possibility/likelihood of losing him doesn't change the fact that he is entitled to the truth. I'm not going to comment on whether or not you're selfish. But know this: if you don't tell him, you WILL be behaving totally selfishly, because your only motivation for keeping quiet about it will be to prevent something bad happening to YOU. And please don't head down the "what he doesn't know won't hurt him" road -- that's a cop out. Your BF has the right to make decisions about his life, armed with all the information. Unfortunately, one of those pieces of information is the fact that his GF made a "sober, conscious decision" to have sex with another guy. I do question how much you really care about your BF if you made a "sober, conscious decision" to cheat on him. Perhaps you should question that too. I will say that you're not alone, insofar as everybody does stupid, selfish, thoughtless things at some point in their lives. It's not fair to judge somebody for doing a stupid, selfish, thoughtless thing. But it is perfectly fair to judge somebody for what they do afterwards. Do they do what's right? Do they own up to what they did? Do they make amends, if possible? Do they learn from what they did, and not repeat the stupid, selfish, thoughtless thing? In any event, it's a bitter pill to swallow, but swallow it you must. Tell your BF the truth, accept the consequences, and take this as a life lesson painfully learned. At least then, you'll one day be able to look back at who you are now and say, "yes, I betrayed somebody I was in a relationship with -- but I did the right thing, came clean, took my licks, and learned from it. I've never done that again, and I never will." Edited December 23, 2010 by reservoirdog1
Windsurf66 Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 So, is it better to be an honest whore, or a lying whore? Obviously, given choices, i wouldn't choose a whore as a partner. But with no other choices, i think i will respect the honest whore a little more
Cracker Jack Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 I think you should tell him. I mean, it's the right thing to do. Sure, he'll likely call it quits, but that's what happens sometimes.
ComputerJock Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 The guy you cheated with who hangs out with your boyfriend may feel bad about what the two of you did. He begins to feel guilt, he may contact your boyfriend and say you were the one who came on to him, which from you posts you did. It happens all the time, cheater partner feels bad and revels the truth or he may get drunk and brag about how easy you are. Guys talk just like women. Then what, all his friends will know you are a slut and begin hitting on you. Who do you think boyfriend wants to hear about your cheating from, you the cheater, the cheater partner, or his friends. There are many posts here from cheaters who get caught before they tell SO's. Think about what you did and make a confession before you lose the chance to come clean and maybe salvage your relationship. Look up posts by November-Rain, a horrible result of her cheating and getting caught by husband.
road Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 You need to tell your BF. Then go see your priest.
TaraMaiden Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Don't encourage her. He may not be that good looking. Oh come on, a little humour helps sometimes.....!
Woman In Blue Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 (edited) You're only 21 years old and already have a 2 year old. If you have "too much free time" on your hands, then I'm left to assume you're not working to support yourself and your child, and you're not going to school. Trust me, if you were actually working a full time job and supporting yourself or going to college full time, by the time you got home at the end of the day and did everything you had to do, you wouldn't have a whole bunch of "free time" to kill. Maybe all this "free time" you have could be better spent doing something productive instead of letting others financially support you while you play around with some jerk whose looking to disrespect one of his so-called "friends" while that "friend" is off defending his country. Jesus, how pathetic. Look, you're only 21 years old and so far, you have a rotten track record. You were a teenage mother and it doesn't appear your life has much direction. You go from guy to guy to guy. How about cleaning your OWN front porch and getting your sh*t together before involving any more men? Just a thought. Edited December 26, 2010 by Woman In Blue
kourtney01 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Better you confess then you risk him finding out in the future by other means.. At that point you will be even more invested emotionally and the break up will devastate you. Also, his level of respect for you will diminish, but it will be non-existent if you hide the truth from him. Bottom line: You screwed up royally. Suck it up, be honest and suffer the consequences. If he forgives you, you will appreciate him even more and value your second chance. If he doesn't, it will be a valuable learning experience for you...one that you may not repeat next time you find love. Either way, you have to tell him. That's my two cents.
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