Lucky555 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 The guy i'm seeing has barely had any sort of conversation since being together physically. I took a chance and to be honest I was hoping things went a little better than they did. However, the fact is I have been wanting to communicate with him and he is "unavailable". If i contact him he will say something back but its now the third day and its weird to me. His behavior has changed. There is no discussion of getting together or contact initiated by him and its the "third day"!!!!! I would think being intimate brings couples closer together and I'm feeling like im single. Now i question if he wants to continue seeing each other, he did tell me he would say something if he wanted to see other people but frankly I don't know because I shouldn't feel like i have to try if this was a "relationship". I feel like he has got what he wanted and now maybe its over for him. I'm not playing games and nor do i want to be with someone who plays them with me. It could be that he is distancing himself from me and i would rather him say he wants things over than to leave me without knowing because i feel its a waste of time. ON the other hand he may not want things to be over with and keep me around. I don't want to ask where the relationship stands but i want to know if he is having doubts or something. I just think his "lack of effort" is indicating something. So what can i say to find out what is going on without it blowing up so to speak because frankly i am kinda annoyed. If he wants to end it im fine with it its just i dont like someone wasting my time or playing games.
Jannah Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 The guy i'm seeing has barely had any sort of conversation since being together physically. I took a chance and to be honest I was hoping things went a little better than they did. However, the fact is I have been wanting to communicate with him and he is "unavailable". If i contact him he will say something back but its now the third day and its weird to me. His behavior has changed. There is no discussion of getting together or contact initiated by him and its the "third day"!!!!! I would think being intimate brings couples closer together and I'm feeling like im single. Now i question if he wants to continue seeing each other, he did tell me he would say something if he wanted to see other people but frankly I don't know because I shouldn't feel like i have to try if this was a "relationship". I feel like he has got what he wanted and now maybe its over for him. I'm not playing games and nor do i want to be with someone who plays them with me. It could be that he is distancing himself from me and i would rather him say he wants things over than to leave me without knowing because i feel its a waste of time. ON the other hand he may not want things to be over with and keep me around. I don't want to ask where the relationship stands but i want to know if he is having doubts or something. I just think his "lack of effort" is indicating something. So what can i say to find out what is going on without it blowing up so to speak because frankly i am kinda annoyed. If he wants to end it im fine with it its just i dont like someone wasting my time or playing games. When's the last time you saw each other after doing the deed and/or mention of getting together after doing the deed.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 When's the last time you saw each other after doing the deed and/or mention of getting together after doing the deed. three days ago....before this he was contacting me everyday and it didn't matter about the conversation we always talked about something and now its like if i initiate its an answer to what i say and nothing else. Its also approaching Christmas and new years and there is no talk of getting together. Its a change in his behavior that is sudden to me and its making me panic. I mean i just want to know what the heck is going on because to me its wasting my time if he isn't being in the relationship.
Jannah Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 three days ago....before this he was contacting me everyday and it didn't matter about the conversation we always talked about something and now its like if i initiate its an answer to what i say and nothing else. Its also approaching Christmas and new years and there is no talk of getting together. Its a change in his behavior that is sudden to me and its making me panic. I mean i just want to know what the heck is going on because to me its wasting my time if he isn't being in the relationship. Gotcha. Well, I don't think you should panic, quite yet. Three days isn't a lot, plus with the holidays, people's schedule don't always jive. Has he suggested getting together again or have you mentioned anything in that regard?
Author Lucky555 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Gotcha. Well, I don't think you should panic, quite yet. Three days isn't a lot, plus with the holidays, people's schedule don't always jive. Has he suggested getting together again or have you mentioned anything in that regard? no i have not said anything because he hasn't really talked to me in a conversation. I got a little mad yesterday when i was making conversation and he wouldn't really say anything. I felt like i had to "try" to make conversation when before he always had something to say just to connect. Otherwise i told him i had to go and would talk to him later. This way i didn't say something irrational, i need to think this through. I also am second guessing the relationship in general because after we had spent the night together i was "basically" rushed out the door, after we got dressed the next morning. He didn't say can't wait to see you again or anything, he just acted "calm". I really did not like that he doesn't take a day for me either. He has been inviting me over to his place and we have not been going out. I have made him and I dinner with my own food and brought it over since its already late when i see him. I have been patient with him because of his "schedule" to see me but really I don't know how much longer i really want to be patient. Also maybe he is afraid of his feelings, after we had done the deed he was very affectionate and it surprised me. I was thinking I was going to feel "very connected" to him but i didn't and I really dont know why. I feel like my feelings need to grow more and that requires time spent together and doing things. Otherwise he was always "smothering" me which was ok but i didnt understand why because i didnt feel like that even after sex (which wasnt great). Maybe this is why?? Maybe he knew he didn't satisfy me in bed and doesn't want me to say anything? Well i pretty much know that he is a home body type of person and not very social. I have accepted this so its not that our schedules don't line up it seems like he is acting weird and im trying not to freak out...and not meaning like cry over it i just want him to either be in a relationship or not. bottom line contacted me everyday to not contacting me at all. Me initiating conversation and him with basic responses. Its weird. Next time what am i going to say?? I was wondering is something not working for you with us? I don't want to put words in his mouth but i dont want to waste time i have either.
welikeincrowds Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 If the sex was bad and he knows it he could be taking it hard. Some men feel a great calling to be Jesus, King of Men in bed, and when they're not it's a personal failing, even though there are a lot of mitigating factors to sex. It's possible you're being patient about the wrong things. You need to talk to him about this, as well as your other feelings, directly, and without blame. This has aggravated you but it's probably all coming down to a few small misunderstandings. The sex problem is probably not going to go away, either, if you don't open up about it. Don't be afraid to tell him what you like and to literally direct him in bed. I'm sure he'll appreciate forthrightness in both places. I suggest you wait until after the holidays, or in between Christmas and New Years. For all its cheer, this season really stresses people out.
Jannah Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 (edited) no i have not said anything because he hasn't really talked to me in a conversation. I got a little mad yesterday when i was making conversation and he wouldn't really say anything. I felt like i had to "try" to make conversation when before he always had something to say just to connect. Otherwise i told him i had to go and would talk to him later. This way i didn't say something irrational, i need to think this through. I also am second guessing the relationship in general because after we had spent the night together i was "basically" rushed out the door, after we got dressed the next morning. He didn't say can't wait to see you again or anything, he just acted "calm". I really did not like that he doesn't take a day for me either. He has been inviting me over to his place and we have not been going out. I have made him and I dinner with my own food and brought it over since its already late when i see him. I have been patient with him because of his "schedule" to see me but really I don't know how much longer i really want to be patient. Also maybe he is afraid of his feelings, after we had done the deed he was very affectionate and it surprised me. I was thinking I was going to feel "very connected" to him but i didn't and I really dont know why. I feel like my feelings need to grow more and that requires time spent together and doing things. Otherwise he was always "smothering" me which was ok but i didnt understand why because i didnt feel like that even after sex (which wasnt great). Maybe this is why?? Maybe he knew he didn't satisfy me in bed and doesn't want me to say anything? Well i pretty much know that he is a home body type of person and not very social. I have accepted this so its not that our schedules don't line up it seems like he is acting weird and im trying not to freak out...and not meaning like cry over it i just want him to either be in a relationship or not. bottom line contacted me everyday to not contacting me at all. Me initiating conversation and him with basic responses. Its weird. Next time what am i going to say?? I was wondering is something not working for you with us? I don't want to put words in his mouth but i dont want to waste time i have either. Well, try not to panic, and just keep yourself busy. Maybe he will at some point show a desire to want to spend time with you again, and will firm it up with concrete plans. You can mention it to him too at some point. If he's ho-hum about it still, then, reassess. Edited December 23, 2010 by Jannah
Author Lucky555 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 If the sex was bad and he knows it he could be taking it hard. Some men feel a great calling to be Jesus, King of Men in bed, and when they're not it's a personal failing, even though there are a lot of mitigating factors to sex. It's possible you're being patient about the wrong things. You need to talk to him about this, as well as your other feelings, directly, and without blame. This has aggravated you but it's probably all coming down to a few small misunderstandings. The sex problem is probably not going to go away, either, if you don't open up about it. Don't be afraid to tell him what you like and to literally direct him in bed. I'm sure he'll appreciate forthrightness in both places. I suggest you wait until after the holidays, or in between Christmas and New Years. For all its cheer, this season really stresses people out. I think he is actually unavailable tonight but you are right its all the little things that have aggravated me and now its to the point im like really I want to know what the heck is going on. I want it all straightened out because it stresses me out. I think your right about the sex. he was boasting about being great and everything. I really think it can be worked on but maybe that was a big ego blow. I really don't have any clue since he is not going to say anything. yes i do need to communicate these things and thats what is frustrating me. I should have yesterday but i figured to actually think it through and see what the real issues are so its direct and succinct for him to understand. Also what really frustrates me is the lack of contact after the deed is done..its like i got what i wanted and I'm backing off a bit. I just don't want to waste time. I think if we are able to sleep with each other and have spent so much time together and time talking we should be able to communicate with each other but its like he is acting like distant. I don't know how I'm going to bring it up but it must be done, its my needs that need to be met and i wont tolerate it if he is wasting my time.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Well, try not to panic, and just keep yourself busy. Maybe he will at some point show a desire to want to spend time with you again, and will firm it up with concrete plans. You can mention it to him too at some point. If he's ho-hum about it still, then, reassess. oh im keeping myself busy, its just hard not to want to get this over with. I'm basically annoyed now and I rather know I'm single and happy than "supposedly" with someone. This guy and I have known each other for years and have talked so much. All of a sudden he runs out of things to talk about?? hard to believe. Thats why i think something is going on with him in his little brain. i will remain calm but you know when you have a feeling something is off you tend to want to know why. ya i will be calm i have enough things to keep me busy, i will give it this week and wait for him to contact me since i made an effort but he failed to do so. I'm not trying to be nit picky but my instincts tell me set this boy straight. I need a man that meets my needs and listens to my needs I'm tired of games overall.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 So I asked him if he wanted to get together. So I guess we are but the whole thing is he didn't know how if I wanted to continue after having slept with him. Like really !!!!' guys and their ego!!!! Ugh so much wondering because of this!! Why cant they just ask! Anyways things are ok right now but one thing at a time
Jannah Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 So I asked him if he wanted to get together. So I guess we are but the whole thing is he didn't know how if I wanted to continue after having slept with him. Like really !!!!' guys and their ego!!!! Ugh so much wondering because of this!! Why cant they just ask! Anyways things are ok right now but one thing at a time Glad to here things are on the up and up. Yes guys have egos, but as long as it's demonstrated in a respectful way and he doesn't go ape shyte over minuscule details, then just take it in stride. Be mindful of it and aware of your own personal boundaries as well. Good luck and enjoy your upcoming time together.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Glad to here things are on the up and up. Yes guys have egos, but as long as it's demonstrated in a respectful way and he doesn't go ape shyte over minuscule details, then just take it in stride. Be mindful of it and aware of your own personal boundaries as well. Good luck and enjoy your upcoming time together. Ya I am happy to see him again soon but it really is frustrating in the fact he was feeling like he was. I think he and I have some things to work on but his lack of communcation really let me know something was wrong it wad this and the instinct. I got it out of him though!! I'm glad I'm ready to find what I want in life and in a partner and even if he couldn't offer me this I'm bound to get find someone compatible! Thanks for your help I took the reigns and found a way to ask him what he was feeling like I said I'm tired of games with men lol
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