Metal_Muffin Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Hi, I honestly dont know whats wrong with me. Over a year ago now i came out of a 3 and half year relationship with someone, at the time it really hurt. Since then i have met someone else, someone now i truly love. Hes made me realise what love is and that i never had this connection or relationship with anyone in my life before. I know he loves me, i know i love him. I cant help but feel insecure at times, i worry about him leaving me or getting bored. When this happens i argue with myself because i know how stupid i am! He doesnt know when i think this cause i know he will say ' i love you' 'im not going anywhere' etc.... I think im just a little nuts lol
january2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I suspect that you still have some baggage from your previous experiences. You need to resolve this otherwise the thoughts will escalate and you'll be on high alert with your current partner. He'll be walking on eggshells all the time so that he doesn't upset you. It'll be exhausting and eventually you risk pushing him away - there's really only so much reassurance and validation he can give you. You already recognise that there's an issue here and that's a good starting point. Find a way to deal with your thoughts before they escalate. For example, write them down in a journal, post on here or talk to a close friend/family member/therapist. You don't always have to mention those thoughts to your boyfriend every time you have them.
creighton0123 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 You're not nuts. You were hurt because someone you previously cared about left you and, due to an innate desire for self-preservation, you worry about it happening again. All relationships, especially new ones, require a certain amount of risk. IMO, it's better to jump in completely rather than to linger on and worry about the risk involved. Your old partner and your new partner are not the same person. Because of that, it's comfortable to know that they can't hurt you in the exact same way. The best policy is honesty. If you're feeling insecure and he picks up on it, be upfront and honest. "Because I was hurt in a previous relationship, I sometimes find myself feeling insecure because I don't want to be hurt again. Nothing is wrong with you. You're amazing and I love you. Be patient with me and be there for me? It'll fade as time goes by." After all, the person you're dating is filling both the role of lover and best friend. You should be able to be completely honest :-)
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