Mary3 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Is it possible to love your partner and cheat on that partner with someone else? Can a man love two women at one time ? Or is he just a lying cheating bag of rocks who really loves his partner and just wants sex with the other person in the picture ?
sango4507 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 well i mean it depends. some say you can love more than one person look at polygamy. i think its all in the person. Some people aren't capable of love at all.
Author Mary3 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 well i mean it depends. some say you can love more than one person look at polygamy. i think its all in the person. Some people aren't capable of love at all. You are right about that ...
aerogurl87 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I always say it's possible to love more than one person at a time, but in order to do so you must love yourself more than either of your partners.
Author Mary3 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 I always say it's possible to love more than one person at a time, but in order to do so you must love yourself more than either of your partners. Well this person does not love himself ... But he puts himself first and is selfish . Wait.. did that sound contradictory ? He had an abusive childhood so he knows very little love...but he has the ME ME personality...
aerogurl87 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Well this person does not love himself ... But he puts himself first and is selfish . Wait.. did that sound contradictory ? He had an abusive childhood so he knows very little love...but he has the ME ME personality... Extreme selfishness and narcissism is a twisted version of love in my opinion. And yes most cheaters do have a "me" attitude. They only look out for themselves and although they claim they love their partner and/or the one they're cheating on them with, in reality they love themselves more than anyone else and are all about making themselves happy above all else.
Author Mary3 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Extreme selfishness and narcissism is a twisted version of love in my opinion. And yes most cheaters do have a "me" attitude. They only look out for themselves and although they claim they love their partner and/or the one they're cheating on them with, in reality they love themselves more than anyone else and are all about making themselves happy above all else. Excellent answer Please do expand on this....that has possibly got to be the best explanation for narcisstic behavior I have seen ! So its a twisted love....because when you love someone , you are concerned with their needs and their feelings ...right ?
Mimolicious Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Is it possible to love your partner and cheat on that partner with someone else? Can a man love two women at one time ? Or is he just a lying cheating bag of rocks who really loves his partner and just wants sex with the other person in the picture ? He is a lying cheating bag of rocks who says he loves 2 woman but wants to shack with both as well.
What_Next Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 No I don't believe you can love and cheat at the same time. My wife claims to "love me". Well she cheated so that carries absolutely no water whatsoever. I do agree with the poster that claimed he loves himself more. Or maybe it's just selfish. I personally will never understand cheaters. My own wife cheated and I'll never ever understand it.
aerogurl87 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 (edited) Excellent answer Please do expand on this....that has possibly got to be the best explanation for narcisstic behavior I have seen ! So its a twisted love....because when you love someone , you are concerned with their needs and their feelings ...right ? Yeah that's pretty much it. A true narcissist is not capable of truly loving someone else other than themselves since that would mean putting someone else's needs and desires in front of their own. And unless the needs, desires, and situation is conducive to making them happy, they will not for one minute second guess doing anything that will hurt someone else. They have all the justification they need to cheat and that's that they're pleasing themselves. Yes they can feel something that they may call love but they're incapable of knowing what real, selfless love is about. And that's because they won't let anything come before themselves and their happiness. That's why it's a twisted version of love. You can love a narcissist, but they will never truly love you back. EDIT: Well it is possible for them to feel love, but unselfish love is near impossible probably without some type of therapy. Also the fact that it is very hard for them to feel unselfish love caters to the thought process it takes to be a cheater. Edited December 22, 2010 by aerogurl87
carhill Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Is it possible to love your partner and cheat on that partner with someone else? Possible? Yes. For myself? No. Can a man love two women at one time ?I've read many threads on LS which indicate it is possible. I buck that trend/style, attaching emotionally to one person at a time at this depth of intimacy. Or is he just a lying cheating bag of rocks who really loves his partner and just wants sex with the other person in the picture ?Definitely possible. Some men completely compartmentalize sex and emotion and can lust wantonly without an inkling of emotional investment. I call this masturbating inside another human. They call it sex. It works for them. They feel nothing for the person other than their own lust and the ego validation the person provides. They can still love, support, and externally validate their primary relationship partner. The upside to this person is that, functionally, they can remain in a M/LTR for a long time with this compartmentalized psychology and this can benefit their primary partner in the areas of protection, security and support, along with other actions of 'love', while the man gets his 'lust' fulfilled elsewhere or in combination with both women. IMO, a perusal of the man's sexual and relationship history, if viewed objectively, can provide important clues to his relationship, attachment and sexual styles wrt elements of compatibility. I think there is someone for everyone; it's just a matter of the critical components matching up.
dont-be-naive Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Is it possible to love your partner and cheat on that partner with someone else? maybe love for someone like a brother or sister, but not in love. but then again, would you betray your brother or sister? Can a man love two women at one time ? oh I'm sure they think they do. Or is he just a lying cheating bag of rocks who really loves his partner and just wants sex with the other person in the picture ? no, he is just a lying cheating bag of rocks:)
East7 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I don't think it is possible to love two persons with the meaning of what most people give to love. Love = sex + connection While women cannot divide them, men are more likely to compartmentalize their sexual needs and emotional connection. They may have different sexual partners but being connected to only one. Connection is very exclusive. I don't think one can emotionally connect with 2 persons at same time. All the A show it : the emotional connection with OP is in detriment of the connection with the BS. It can't be both ways. Even in ages when polygamy was normal and accepted in some oriental cultures (Turkish harems for example) there was always a "preferred" woman, the one who would take the most of the attention because often she was the smartest or the most intellectually attracting.
Author Mary3 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 He is a lying cheating bag of rocks who says he loves 2 woman but wants to shack with both as well. Thanks ! lol
Author Mary3 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 No I don't believe you can love and cheat at the same time. My wife claims to "love me". Well she cheated so that carries absolutely no water whatsoever. I do agree with the poster that claimed he loves himself more. Or maybe it's just selfish. I personally will never understand cheaters. My own wife cheated and I'll never ever understand it. I'm very sorry that you had to experience that. I have heard men say " I love my wife but I want to sleep with you " I don't get it ??????
Author Mary3 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Yeah that's pretty much it. A true narcissist is not capable of truly loving someone else other than themselves since that would mean putting someone else's needs and desires in front of their own. And unless the needs, desires, and situation is conducive to making them happy, they will not for one minute second guess doing anything that will hurt someone else. They have all the justification they need to cheat and that's that they're pleasing themselves. Yes they can feel something that they may call love but they're incapable of knowing what real, selfless love is about. And that's because they won't let anything come before themselves and their happiness. That's why it's a twisted version of love. You can love a narcissist, but they will never truly love you back. EDIT: Well it is possible for them to feel love, but unselfish love is near impossible probably without some type of therapy. Also the fact that it is very hard for them to feel unselfish love caters to the thought process it takes to be a cheater. You should write a great book about cheaters ! Serious ...
Author Mary3 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Possible? Yes. For myself? No. I've read many threads on LS which indicate it is possible. I buck that trend/style, attaching emotionally to one person at a time at this depth of intimacy. Definitely possible. Some men completely compartmentalize sex and emotion and can lust wantonly without an inkling of emotional investment. I call this masturbating inside another human. They call it sex. It works for them. They feel nothing for the person other than their own lust and the ego validation the person provides. They can still love, support, and externally validate their primary relationship partner. The upside to this person is that, functionally, they can remain in a M/LTR for a long time with this compartmentalized psychology and this can benefit their primary partner in the areas of protection, security and support, along with other actions of 'love', while the man gets his 'lust' fulfilled elsewhere or in combination with both women. IMO, a perusal of the man's sexual and relationship history, if viewed objectively, can provide important clues to his relationship, attachment and sexual styles wrt elements of compatibility. I think there is someone for everyone; it's just a matter of the critical components matching up. Thats because you have morals
Author Mary3 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 I don't think it is possible to love two persons with the meaning of what most people give to love. Love = sex + connection While women cannot divide them, men are more likely to compartmentalize their sexual needs and emotional connection. They may have different sexual partners but being connected to only one. Connection is very exclusive. I don't think one can emotionally connect with 2 persons at same time. All the A show it : the emotional connection with OP is in detriment of the connection with the BS. It can't be both ways. Even in ages when polygamy was normal and accepted in some oriental cultures (Turkish harems for example) there was always a "preferred" woman, the one who would take the most of the attention because often she was the smartest or the most intellectually attracting. How about men who cheat and fall deeply in the emotional / sexual sense with the other woman ? And maybe their wife is not attending to their emotional / sexual needs ? Not condoning ! Just wanted to know how that plays out when he falls deep with his mistress ?
carhill Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 (edited) Thats because you have morals Well, let's qualify that with, when I had my EA, I definitely did not love my exW and had made her clearly aware of the issues in the M for at least a year prior. My lack of morality was choosing to seek the emotional support outside the M rather than divorce. Now, stronger and with the benefit of MC, I see the healthy path. It's felt good passing up OM opportunities and remaining unattached and celibate while working through the issues. I hope that portends well for the future. I wish I had better advice or perspective on your issues; I can't imagine having sex with someone else while in a committed LTR/M. I'm just not wired that way. Most of what I know <about your OP> I learned in MC about aspects of the male psyche and triggers/signs to watch for. Hope it works out Edited December 23, 2010 by carhill
East7 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 How about men who cheat and fall deeply in the emotional / sexual sense with the other woman ? And maybe their wife is not attending to their emotional / sexual needs ? Not condoning ! Just wanted to know how that plays out when he falls deep with his mistress ? Well, of course that may happen, but I think the marriage has a heavy weight in someone's life and that's why despite what MM might feel for an OW, they decide to stay in their M. Men are more attached to their marital status, and the one's who mostly chicken out when it comes to divorce. 75% of divorces are initiated by women. As Carhill posted, the emotional part of a relationship is exclusive and I think real Love doesn't exist without connection. Truly loving someone leaves no room for other temptations and cheating happens when MM loose interest for their W and have low boundaries.
Mimolicious Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Thanks ! lol I know... I had one of those. POS!
gisellefromhell Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Is it possible to love your partner and cheat on that partner with someone else? Can a man love two women at one time ? Or is he just a lying cheating bag of rocks who really loves his partner and just wants sex with the other person in the picture ? Can you say that you're the best at a video game if you used cheat codes?
Author Mary3 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Can you say that you're the best at a video game if you used cheat codes? I would say you are not the best if you use cheat codes. You are at your best when you play raw And I have never used cheat codes to play. The challenge is using your mind to win !
2long Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Is it possible to love your partner and cheat on that partner with someone else? Yes, it is possible 2 love your partner. Yes, it is possible 2 cheat on that partner. No, it is not possible 2 love your partner AND cheat on them. Can a man love two women at one time ? Not really. Or is he just a lying cheating bag of rocks who really loves his partner and just wants sex with the other person in the picture ? Yes, well said! -ol' 2long
Author Mary3 Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 Yes, it is possible 2 love your partner. Yes, it is possible 2 cheat on that partner. No, it is not possible 2 love your partner AND cheat on them. Not really. Yes, well said! -ol' 2long Thanks !
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