Don't give me a reason to cheat on you ?

[Mary3]

Yes this is a clear message of pre-loaded blame. IMHO it is not just a message to keep you on your toes physically and sexually. I think you should take it as a warning that this may be a person who generally blames others for his behavior. I also think you should take it as a warning that no matter what you do or how hard you try, the odds are that eventually, you WILL "give him a reason to"...say, overcooking the eggs or forgetting to say "bless you" when he sneezes. A man has limits.

 

Beautifully Spoken

[Mary3]

The best way to know about your partner is to talk about these things. What's wrong with guys asking a girl, "would you ever be in a threesome"? "Would you ever steal something if you will never get caught?" Is that an accusation? No, it's just a question. And the OP's significant other showed major signs of immaturity with his answer.

 

I think its important to know if they had a 3 some or a 6 some, although getting an honest answer might be the biggest hurdle.

 

A well know columnist says " Never say how many partners you have had to your bf/gf, confess it to your priest, or your sister but never to your partner..."

 

On the other hand you want to know if they are an STD magnet so its normal to want to know if they don't have a disease. I say test just to be sure because 3 women could have been 300 women...

[Mary3]

him: "will you sign this pre-nuptial agreement?"

 

 

lol ..........

[Mary3]

But the issue here is the guy's reply of "Don't give me a reason to cheat on you". Which is beyond just being freaked out about the question. It suggests that he thinks cheating is okay if the relationship doesn't meet his requirements. You don't want to be in a relationship with a person who thinks it's okay to cheat at a given circumstance, do you?

 

Exacta~mundo !

[Mary3]

The guy's a toad. Of course, women seem to have a propensity for kissing toads, or so my life history has taught me. I prefer to focus on more positive things, like a healthy way of handling the issue, which is a reasonable one to discuss.

 

If the gender roles were reversed in the OP, all you'd hear was a slight whistle of the wind as I departed that incompatible person's presence. Of course, I'd never ask the question, but the resultant action is predicated upon that potential.

 

So if a women said " Yeah, I have cheated more times than I can count " That would be viewed as a dealbreaker ! lol

[NoLongerSad]

So if your girl cheated on you and you found out then she can say " Dont ask me that question , you might not like the answer . " Its not a nasty question to ask someone who has a cheating past if they would do it again.

 

With your highlighted sentence you think cheating is justifiable to you ?

 

OK--it's pretty obvious now, based on the additional information you provided, that he's already cheated in a past relationship, and told you about that, that you wanted him to lie to you. You wanted him to say "Why no under no circumstances would I ever cheat on you." But that would probably be a lie, wouldn't it, based upon his track record?

 

But, he didn't lie. He told you the truth--that he IS quite capable of cheating on you, given what he believes to be sufficient "reason." He didn't tell you what the "reason" might be, but that's because you asked him an open ended question, and got an open ended, but truthful, response.

 

Is it so difficult for you to believe that someone who has admittedly previously cheated on someone in the past, might, under given circumstances, cheat on you, as well?

 

If you don't like what's implied in his answer--that he will be the judge of whether something you do/don't do is sufficient reason to cheat--then don't be in a relationship with him because of that uncertainty. But, criticizing him because he was honest with you?

 

Seriously.

[Mary3]

I really don't see what the big deal is on asking questions and answering them honestly. It seems like men and women think that there are these rules that you should be freaked out when someone asks you about relationship things, the way they look, having kids, etc. Is it because you've seen on TV that you should be alarmed when a woman you're dating is talking about the future? Does that make it a cool thing to do? A lot of relationships fail because people don't want to confront these simple things. And it's just socially acceptable to avoid confrontation.

 

Right. Like she wants 6 kids and he can't stand kids..something that needs to be talked about.

[gisellefromhell]

OK--it's pretty obvious now, based on the additional information you provided, that he's already cheated in a past relationship, and told you about that, that you wanted him to lie to you. You wanted him to say "Why no under no circumstances would I ever cheat on you." But that would probably be a lie, wouldn't it, based upon his track record?

 

But, he didn't lie. He told you the truth--that he IS quite capable of cheating on you, given what he believes to be sufficient "reason." He didn't tell you what the "reason" might be, but that's because you asked him an open ended question, and got an open ended, but truthful, response.

 

Is it so difficult for you to believe that someone who has admittedly previously cheated on someone in the past, might, under given circumstances, cheat on you, as well?

 

If you don't like what's implied in his answer--that he will be the judge of whether something you do/don't do is sufficient reason to cheat--then don't be in a relationship with him because of that uncertainty. But, criticizing him because he was honest with you?

 

Seriously.

 

I actually agree with this also. Since you said that he admitted to cheating on his previous relationship, this is an immature answer, but it's still honest. You need some serious thinking to do, Mary.

[Mary3]

'I see so many relationships these days endangered by infidelity. How do you feel about that?'

 

'I made a very poor choice during a difficult time in my marriage and had an emotional affair. How do you feel about that?'Dialogue-openers which disclose and are open-ended. That's my style. YMMV.

 

I agree carhill.

 

I would give you high marks for being honest with her about something you could have kept to yourself.

[carhill]

So if a women said " Yeah, I have cheated more times than I can count " That would be viewed as a dealbreaker ! lol

LOL, no, that's called 'going crazy'

 

'Don't give me a reason < to cheat >' = whistling wind.

[Mary3]

I have not read every response and do not feel the need to to answer the question at hand .......so if I repeat sorry …..

 

All it says to me is "nothing will ever be my fault" !

That is so immature IMO.

 

I love this response....so many great ideas here !

[Mary3]

Exactly, carhill. With that sort of opener, I assume that she wants to start a honest discussion about a serious topic. With a question like the OP made, unless I knew her pretty well, I wouldn't know if she was interested in a honest answer, or in a romanticized (and less realistic) version of it. (I would still go for the honest answer though.)

 

As for the guy's answer, if he wasn't joking, I agree that it's a stupid one and I'm not surprised that she got disturbed by it.

 

Nope. He was not joking when he said it...

[Mary3]

And the plot thickens.

 

What has happened about this subject after you posted this? Have you talked to him at all?

 

Let me clarify : When I first met him he said this to me. " Don't give me a reason to cheat " I always wondered what that meant ? I should have posted it then...

 

As of late we have not talked...I would be glad to PM you to share the more deeper content but I am really here to get opinions ( and have received great ones ! ) of what his comment really means ?

[carhill]

When I first met him he said this to me. " Don't give me a reason to cheat " I always wondered what that meant ?

 

How much water is under that bridge now, and when did he reveal that he did cheat and was it on a wife or GF? Details, I need details

[Mary3]

OK--it's pretty obvious now, based on the additional information you provided, that he's already cheated in a past relationship, and told you about that, that you wanted him to lie to you. You wanted him to say "Why no under no circumstances would I ever cheat on you." But that would probably be a lie, wouldn't it, based upon his track record?

 

But, he didn't lie. He told you the truth--that he IS quite capable of cheating on you, given what he believes to be sufficient "reason." He didn't tell you what the "reason" might be, but that's because you asked him an open ended question, and got an open ended, but truthful, response.

 

Is it so difficult for you to believe that someone who has admittedly previously cheated on someone in the past, might, under given circumstances, cheat on you, as well?

 

If you don't like what's implied in his answer--that he will be the judge of whether something you do/don't do is sufficient reason to cheat--then don't be in a relationship with him because of that uncertainty. But, criticizing him because he was honest with you?

 

Seriously.

 

HELLO : The answer should always be : " NO, I won't cheat on you because I don't CHEAT " Period.

 

( There are 308 Million people in the U. S. today and NONE of them needs to cheat. )

 

Nobody * needs * to cheat. They can walk ANYTIME . WALK !

 

Since I had no experience with cheaters ( past or present ) I had nothing to compare his comment to. I always wondered what he meant by it but never dug deeper other than to realize an old addage " Once a cheater always a cheater ? " I guess I wanted to find out , is that true ??

 

No experience equals not knowing. Since I have never been with a cheater ( other than this potential one ) I can't say all cheaters do it again and again.

 

Now another women might have had 4 bf's cheat on her and say " Most guys cheat " I can't say that.

[Mary3]

How much water is under that bridge now, and when did he reveal that he did cheat and was it on a wife or GF? Details, I need details

 

To protect my privacy I would have to DM you.

[gisellefromhell]

HELLO : The answer should always be : " NO, I won't cheat on you because I don't CHEAT " Period.

 

 

But in his case, it wouldn't be the truth. He replied to you in HIS truth, and you need to either ignore it or move on from this relationship. He will not change for you.

[carhill]

To protect my privacy I would have to DM you.

I'm sorry but I'm celibate right now

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

 

But, he didn't lie. He told you the truth--that he IS quite capable of cheating on you, given what he believes to be sufficient "reason." He didn't tell you what the "reason" might be, but that's because you asked him an open ended question, and got an open ended, but truthful, response.

 

 

Yes indeed you did! And, you got the clear and undeniable message that the guy is unfit for a relationship with any person who values herself and has morals, so consider yourself lucky.

 

"Cheating" is something done by ... cheaters. There is not any behavior that justifies cheating. If somebody believes that there is ... they don't operate with the same moral code that I do, or that you do, Mary, and they need to exit post haste.

[Mary3]

I'm sorry but I'm celibate right now

 

LOL ! I Dm'd ya !

[Mary3]

But in his case, it wouldn't be the truth. He replied to you in HIS truth, and you need to either ignore it or move on from this relationship. He will not change for you.

 

Absolutely ! It is * his truth * . It's not everyone's but it's his belief...

[gisellefromhell]

How do you DM anyway? I'm still fairly new at this forum.

[Mary3]

How do you DM anyway? I'm still fairly new at this forum.

 

You click on my name ( as example ) . Under there are 3 to 4 choices. Mine should say Send a DIRECT message to this poster....

[carhill]

See, this is where communication is important. I thought 'DM' was something else, perhaps like 'kill you through sexual means'

 

Loveshack has a 'Private Message' system. PM

[wheream_i]

Precisely.

 

It means, "Don't get fat or stop giving me head."