aleesun Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 I have been in a loving relationship for 9 months with a guy I'll call Jason. He is my world and for awhile I was his and we always figured we'd end up together. We loved all the same things and everyone says we are perfect for each other. The thing is we are long-distance. We've always done wonderful with the long distance thing. We started dating last year in June and have been fine up until this January. We began having a lot of arguments. He suffers from major depression. Since I am away at college, next year he plans to come here also. Jason is very slow at getting things done... in another words he procrastinates a LOT. Everyday I'd have to remind him he better get working on his application if he wanted to join up with me next year. He would whine and complain every single time I asked him if he had or would do it that day and say he had to be 'in the mood'. We constantly argued about this. At one point he got so sick of it, he claimed that he went 'numb' and that he didn't know he felt anymore. He said if I broke up with him that second he wouldn't feel anything. That scared me. We did a lot of crying and stayed together. The next even happened around Valentine's Day. He came to visit me at school and still hadn't turned in his essay. He said he was so upset before because all he wanted me to do was accept him for who he is... if he stayed home and worked or decided to come to school. I told him I'd accept him and he told me for Valentine's Day that he still wanted to come to my school and that he would finish the application and essay that weekend for me to turn into the office on that monday. Well he left and never finished. Before he dropped me off I took his application because there was like one part that wasn't filled out. His essay was already on my laptop. As the week went on, he made no mention of it. I told him I had his application and he said he'd fill out another one. Figuring I'd be helping him out, I filled out the rest of his application and finishing the last page of his essay. I turned it in that day and I called him that night. I told him that I filled out the rest and turned it in. He was so upset and this is where everthing went wrong. He told me he didn't know if he could be with someone who 'ruined his life'. He said he had to do it on his own or he would feel like his whole school career is a fraud. He almost broke up with me taht night again and we cried to sleep. Jason is very into his pride. If he thinks it's slightly wrong, he gets so upset. Jason said that he was going to turn me into the office. My mom was furious b/c she said if he really loved me, how can he be so selfish to do something like that? Jason always sees one side of the issue and doesn't see how his actions could be a lot worse on others. Jason finally after a week or two said he forgave me. But afterwards nothings been the same. His feelings for me has changed, he says. He says he's tried to avoid me whenever possible after that. But we've seen each other since then. He tells me he still loves me. He says this but he's not as close to me as he was before. He doesn't say the things he used to about me being beautiful or just lil compliments. We cried tonight together on the phone. We don't know how to solve this. Does anyone have any suggestions? How can we bring back the spark that we once had?
overseas2004 Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 I am sorry but I don't think that you should be together so I could not offer advice about patching things up. It sounds really messed up. And the reason that I say that is that he is obviously lacking in some respects. You are trying to change him and that usually does not work. IN the process you are stepping on his fragile male ego. I went through a similar thing and it blew up in my face. You should try to help people but you can help them only when they really want to help themselves. That is about it.....
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