Eamon81 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Hi all, my ex and i broke up about 4 months ago. we've had limited contact and have slept together once since. we work at the same company so i see her fairly regularly but not all the time. About a month ago we agreed a date and time for me to pick my stuff up from her flat. i couldn't make so called and let her know - i think this annoyed her? i called the following week and said i can pop over today, her reply was today maybe isn't the best and she'll bag it up and bring work. fine. well that was over a month ago and still nothing... no stuff, no email, no call... why could this be? bizarre.
PegNosePete Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 It could be simple revenge. You annoyed her when you cancelled on her, so she is getting her own back by being awkward. Send her a reminder, and make sure to stick to anything you agree.
9Lives Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 she is annoyed so she aint really trying to work with you on it. I would just leave it alone for a while. Do you really need it right now?
Author Eamon81 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 No i don't need my things tbh, it's just weird. she won't even acknowledge me at work. if she wants nothing to do with me she could just bring it in, leave it at reception, and send me an email. done.
9Lives Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 No i don't need my things tbh, it's just weird. she won't even acknowledge me at work. if she wants nothing to do with me she could just bring it in, leave it at reception, and send me an email. done. it takes time to get over people. She is still dealing with the issue and that is why she is acting that way. I would ask her when is she going to give it back. Let her tell you. It seems like you are okay with the break up and she is really not.
9Lives Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Threaten to take her to small claims court. We are not defined by the good things in our life. **We “ARE” defined by how we handle our adversaties and adversaries. **
Woggle Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 We are not defined by the good things in our life. **We “ARE” defined by how we handle our adversaties and adversaries. ** Yes and if you stand your ground you should be proud. She has his things and she does not appear to be giving them back. Showing her he means business might get the message across.
9Lives Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Yes and if you stand your ground you should be proud. She has his things and she does not appear to be giving them back. Showing her he means business might get the message across. its not that big of a deal. Sometimes it is best to just chill. It aint hurting him that she still has his stuff. they work together. he should just ask her when she is going to give it back and see what she says. Why go thru all that about stuff that is not very important anyway..EGO?!
paleblue Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 No i don't need my things tbh, it's just weird. she won't even acknowledge me at work. if she wants nothing to do with me she could just bring it in, leave it at reception, and send me an email. done. She is acting childish. Let it go, and if she brings it up again tell her she can keep it.
carhill Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 No i don't need my things tbh Thread closed. This is your answer. Fuggetabout those things you don't need and her. Trust me, you'll be a lot happier when you do. A couple moving trucks full of things, a house and a divorce taught me that important lesson. There's much you can live without, including a toxic ex
Woggle Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 its not that big of a deal. Sometimes it is best to just chill. It aint hurting him that she still has his stuff. they work together. he should just ask her when she is going to give it back and see what she says. Why go thru all that about stuff that is not very important anyway..EGO?! It's the principle. Putting up with small things like this sets a pattern of being a doormat.
9Lives Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 It's the principle. Putting up with small things like this sets a pattern of being a doormat. Woggle, not in this particular case. he didnt say is he trying to get back with her. he just wants his stuff that he said is not even a big deal anyway. small claims court would be a little indication that he trying to keep her around. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. Spending TIME getting ready for court, going to court, and all that blah blah blah over stuff you dont care about is wasteful time spent.
beachbum84 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Hi all, my ex and i broke up about 4 months ago. we've had limited contact and have slept together once since. we work at the same company so i see her fairly regularly but not all the time. About a month ago we agreed a date and time for me to pick my stuff up from her flat. i couldn't make so called and let her know - i think this annoyed her? i called the following week and said i can pop over today, her reply was today maybe isn't the best and she'll bag it up and bring work. fine. well that was over a month ago and still nothing... no stuff, no email, no call... why could this be? bizarre. Hey I feel for you. When I was younger I was engaged and my fiance & I worked together as well. When we split I gave him his stuff, and he withheld my stuff. Working together was a strain afterwards and I tried numerous times to get my stuff back. He gave his new girlfriend (whom also worked with us) all my nice clothes that was at his house, and he burnt the rest and shipped me the ashes. Needless to say I'd rather of never had it back, then to get it back that way and see his tramp strutting around in my clothes. If you can live without it, then I say do just that. Kudos to being able to work with each other after a break-up. Didn't work for me in my situation. He seemed to always create drama at work for me and it was hell. When my employer was fed up with it and caught wind I was moving across country in a month anyways they let me go. Oh well got unemployment and a month off before I started my life over. But seriously if you are able to keep status-qua at work, why risk creating unnecessary drama? Best of luck. I say go shopping. :-)
beachbum84 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 It's the principle. Putting up with small things like this sets a pattern of being a doormat. Principles are important, but the maturity to accept that losing battles doesn't always lose the war is important too. Sticking to your guns on unimportant issues is a waste of time. Save the energy for battles that really mean something. IMO of course.
carhill Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 It's the principle. Putting up with small things like this sets a pattern of being a doormat. Wogs, you do have a valid point, and I considered the 'doormat' perception in the decision-making process. Finally, it came down to numbers and estimates by my lawyer of what an aggressive and perhaps proper stance would cost, in time, money and emotion. Perhaps my exW thinks of me as a doormat, maybe as she did throughout our M, and gloats in the light of her 'haul'. Perhaps. I say good on her. I hope life brings her more gifts, my absence being one of them. It surely has given me a gift, a relatively swift and pain-free ending to a toxic M. The OP's circumstances are different, but perhaps he can relate to the path. Since he works with her, it is a reasonable option IMO to approach recovery of his property from a neutral stance, with repetition being the method of attempt. It's OK for her to be angry about it. Either he'll get tired or she'll get tired and it'll be resolved. This wouldn't be my path, even now, but I view it as a valid potential. It is also perhaps a good lesson that one shouldn't shyte where they eat. Hope it works out
delajoonal Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Hi all, my ex and i broke up about 4 months ago. we've had limited contact and have slept together once since. we work at the same company so i see her fairly regularly but not all the time. About a month ago we agreed a date and time for me to pick my stuff up from her flat. i couldn't make so called and let her know - i think this annoyed her? i called the following week and said i can pop over today, her reply was today maybe isn't the best and she'll bag it up and bring work. fine. well that was over a month ago and still nothing... no stuff, no email, no call... why could this be? bizarre. so it is one of 2 things really... either she is using the stuff u left, depending on what IT all is, i.e. electronics? or she can't let go...OF U! keeping ur stuff means at some point, u will have to face her...and on her terms..it seems. as a woman, i am saying that no matter what age...we, as women, still hurt, still pyne (sp?)... or she could just be pissed that u flaked on the original p/u date and now she is playing IT ALL on HER time...to get back u for breaking it off with her in the first place?
Author Eamon81 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 (edited) thanks guys, it really is strange because i just don't understand/know how she is feeling. she has no reason (practically) to hold on to my belongings. i'm not going to ask for them again. i can do without them. i guess i just want to know how she feels... Edited December 22, 2010 by Eamon81
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