alexlakeman Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Ok, ummm, so I dated this one women (#1) for several months during 1Q10 and 2q10 and while $$ wasn't the reason for our separation...it was there in a gray area... back then one day, we're at the mall, see a sexy looking dress at BEBE (so you know it had to be sexy ).. Commented something like "sexy dress"; her response "just buy it for me and I'd love to wear it for you"... WT!?!? I've dated for yearssssssssssss and no one had said that b4... typically, women buy their own clothes; i'm not a sugar daddy... so that comment of hers always stuck to me.. My ex g/f (just as ONE example), would just have said "let me try it on for you and see how it looks", if she liked it... If she had the $ and liked it she would buy it, or at least knew what I liked and she never said "buy it for me".. Both ladies are in the same tax bracket, same expenses, etc.. Fast forward to this past weekend, getting close to the holidays, the ex gf (#1) and I have been talking again, we go out; she veryyyyyyyyyy clearly knows my financial condition (not good) the last 6-7 months, no secrets there...ie major attorney fees, no $ left for my kids' x-mas, had to sell some mid-high end jewelry; all which she knew and I would assume, my pockets were still not lined with $$... We go out...I had planned a regular priced bar in the area, she suggests another place. I felt it looked expensive, but knowing what she knows, I couldn't her suggesting the most expensive place in town..leave after 2-3 drinks @ $11 for cosmos for her and $8 vodka on the rocks for me..typically you pay about $6-$8 for her drink and about $5-$6 for mines; not major difference, had a great time, but clearly more $. That's fine, we decide we're having a great time, and head to another bar (i also find out this night she's smoking daily now vs NOT b4, oh boy)... she says she needs a pack of cigs, I stop at a gas station, and it was clear I was "supposed" to buy the cigs; oh well cost of having a good time tonight, $8 (cigs and a lighter), arghhhh... Another day via phone she says "so what are you getting me for xmas?". Note that each of these instances are "small", but when I put them together it seems like a red flag.. So at the end of the night at the bar (at a casino place), she says she wants to play the slots... this was good, I had fun here .. Her: I want to play the machines; just one machine.Me: Sure, go for it (I knew where she was coming from "give me $$, lol)...it's your money, nothing like enjoying your night gambling at the end of a great time..Her: Let me have $20 so I can play.Me: I think you forgot I am still paying legal fees and have NO items for my kids under the tree. You really expect me to give you $ to gamble... you'll have to use your $. She gambled her $20, night ended up great... with sex, so I got a good ROI and my CPL was very low...we're going to see each other again, etc. etc.. She still doesn't get it on the $$ side.. I feel i am going to just tell her next time we talk in person ; ie "there's things we don't like about each other, everything else is fantastic, chemistry, sex appeal, convo, etc, etc.. BUT tell her about her "expectations" ... Worse case, she can walk away, oh well... Oh, minor detail. One reason I stopped seeing her and I told her this wknd, was I was veryyyyyyyy tight on $, and had no $ to wine and dine her (which I enjoy when the $ is there).. her response "you know that is not important to me, we have stayed home with no problems" - which we have).... I don't know if which is the real her, 1. the one that is not materialistic and low maintainance or 2. the one where she likes and expects pampering, $ spent, etc... WTF.. what would LS do?
zengirl Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 You always seem very materialistic -- into money -- in your posts to me, so I wouldn't be surprised that you get this kind of reaction from some gals. (Not that it makes it right---some of that is very, "Give me money, Daddy," and creeps me out.) Probably she is a little bit of both, but she sees money as how you keep score and feels the money spent on her is your investment.
sally4sara Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 If someone isn't satisfied with the clothes I choose to wear; would prefer I wear something different damn skippy I think it should come out of their pocket! I also didn't spend money on alcohol or entertainment when there were things I needed to get for my son, not on me or anyone else. If you're going to question other people's integrity with money, make sure you are not guilty of the same lacking. I get a bad vibe off of: So at the end of the night at the bar (at a casino place), she says she wants to play the slots... this was good, I had fun here .. Her: I want to play the machines; just one machine.Me: Sure, go for it (I knew where she was coming from "give me $$, lol)...it's your money, nothing like enjoying your night gambling at the end of a great time..Her: Let me have $20 so I can play.Me: I think you forgot I am still paying legal fees and have NO items for my kids under the tree. You really expect me to give you $ to gamble... you'll have to use your $. She gambled her $20, night ended up great... with sex, so I got a good ROI and my CPL was very low...we're going to see each other again, etc. etc.. You sound very much like your character is similar to what you seem to be suggesting about the character of these women you exampled.
carhill Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 People really have these conversations? I'm constantly amazed. I must be living on another planet. Anyway, all I can suggest is to pick different women. I've dated plenty who are fair to generous. They're out there. If I wanted sex for money I'd get a hooker. Not interested in that. Good luck
forrest Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 If someone isn't satisfied with the clothes I choose to wear; would prefer I wear something different damn skippy I think it should come out of their pocket! I also didn't spend money on alcohol or entertainment when there were things I needed to get for my son, not on me or anyone else. If you're going to question other people's integrity with money, make sure you are not guilty of the same lacking. I get a bad vibe off of: You sound very much like your character is similar to what you seem to be suggesting about the character of these women you exampled. I agree, I am having difficulty understanding how he spent $26 that night on her (or is that 2-3 drinks at $11 each? or total? well irrelevant) when he can't instead spend that money on his kids for xmas? Really? There are no gifts out there that cost ~$26? Really?
fishtaco Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Maybe she thinks spending money on her, to her, is a show of affection? So I'm saying she's not necessarily looking to dig or wants a sugar daddy, but maybe she just wants affection from you, and due to her upbringing/personality/past experience, she equates that with spending money on her.
musemaj11 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Maybe she thinks spending money on her, to her, is a show of affection? So I'm saying she's not necessarily looking to dig or wants a sugar daddy, but maybe she just wants affection from you, and due to her upbringing/personality/past experience, she equates that with spending money on her. Most women do view how much money is spent on her equal to how much the guy values her. She is just like the average women out there.
fishtaco Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Most women do view how much money is spent on her equal to how much the guy values her. She is just like the average women out there. That's true. But luckily most is not all. I was lucky enough to have encountered women that don't think this way. Unfortunately due to other issues, sometimes mine, things didn't work out, so I have to find another one. It's not easy.
catgotyourtongue Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Most women do view how much money is spent on her equal to how much the guy values her. She is just like the average women out there. You might be right, but there are women out there not like that. I am different. Always worried abt someone else's dime & careful abt mine. It's lovely to have a nice bottle of wine or dinner, but being mindful of others spending on me is first in my mind. I often say no, but thank you, or order a tiny appetizer instead of a meal to be mindful of his money. Whoever HE is at the time. I would rather know that he cares about me, is present when he is with me, and treats me well, rather than have gifts. Believe me. I like nice things, I dont need them, I like nice people, I do need them in my life, heart over $$$ for me. Easy to spend $$ on a gal, seems way harder to show respect and love...in other ways. just sayin'
musemaj11 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 You might be right, but there are women out there not like that. I am different. Always worried abt someone else's dime & careful abt mine. It's lovely to have a nice bottle of wine or dinner, but being mindful of others spending on me is first in my mind. I often say no, but thank you, or order a tiny appetizer instead of a meal to be mindful of his money. Whoever HE is at the time. I would rather know that he cares about me, is present when he is with me, and treats me well, rather than have gifts. Believe me. I like nice things, I dont need them, I like nice people, I do need them in my life, heart over $$$ for me. Easy to spend $$ on a gal, seems way harder to show respect and love...in other ways. just sayin' Women like you are like needles in a haystack. I think women seeing themselves as valuables is partially the fault of men too. For generations women have been treated as goods and I really dont see the mentality disappearing anytime soon.
AverageJoe Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 WTF.. what would LS do? I would kick her ass through the uprights. Stop spending money on women, any of them. STOP IT!!! Spending money on them does not make you any more of a man. It makes you a chump. Knock it off.
catgotyourtongue Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Women like you are like needles in a haystack. I think women seeing themselves as valuables is partially the fault of men too. For generations women have been treated as goods and I really dont see the mentality disappearing anytime soon. I guess it's how I grew up and I try not to take advantage of things or use people, it's not me. Now if I dating someone who is doing really well, or has good stable job, etc. and he wants to treat me to something, like a movie or show, or a drink, that's fine. But I would never expect that, and I would never, ever ask anyone to buy me something like a dress. I don't use sexuality or my meager salary to gain a guys bank account, yuk. I am always more impressed with small things, (except in the bedroom, lol). If a guy, even just a guy friend, buys me a cup of coffee, I consider it a gift, feel grateful and make sure I look them in the eye and say thank you. I also usually say, no, it's ok, u dont need to pay for that. I do accept these things, but I don't always, and I always intend to pay for myself...unless it's clear it is another situation and I cant afford it and they really want to go...so they choose to pay for both. I let people pay, sometimes, I guess is all I am saying. I hate greedy, ungrateful actions...hate to see men used by women and vice versa, makes me SICK. speech over, lol peace out
catgotyourtongue Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Ok, ummm, so I dated this one women (#1) for several months during 1Q10 and 2q10 and while $$ wasn't the reason for our separation...it was there in a gray area... ... this was good, I had fun here .. Her: I want to play the machines; just one machine.Me: Sure, go for it (I knew where she was coming from "give me $$, lol)...it's your money, nothing like enjoying your night gambling at the end of a great time..Her: Let me have $20 so I can play.Me: I think you forgot I am still paying legal fees and have NO items for my kids under the tree. You really expect me to give you $ to gamble... you'll have to use your $. She gambled her $20, night ended up great... with sex, HI she seems to be playing, using you, big time. But then again, you seem to be playing her. If your goal was to get laid, you reached it. If the issues is money and your kids, and your main obligations in life, it should be no brainer. And if u are dating/doing a girl that wants to take money out of your pocket, knowing your situation, well thats bad. Dont get fooled by a little (female crotch)...she is using you....and you are falling for it, get out and go take your kids to a play, or save for their college, or whatever. Get your head outttta the (girl part) lol and into being a good family man. just my thoughts, not judging, just save your money for what matters.
musemaj11 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I guess it's how I grew up and I try not to take advantage of things or use people, it's not me. Now if I dating someone who is doing really well, or has good stable job, etc. and he wants to treat me to something, like a movie or show, or a drink, that's fine. But I would never expect that, and I would never, ever ask anyone to buy me something like a dress. I don't use sexuality or my meager salary to gain a guys bank account, yuk. I am always more impressed with small things, (except in the bedroom, lol). If a guy, even just a guy friend, buys me a cup of coffee, I consider it a gift, feel grateful and make sure I look them in the eye and say thank you. I also usually say, no, it's ok, u dont need to pay for that. I do accept these things, but I don't always, and I always intend to pay for myself...unless it's clear it is another situation and I cant afford it and they really want to go...so they choose to pay for both. I let people pay, sometimes, I guess is all I am saying. I hate greedy, ungrateful actions...hate to see men used by women and vice versa, makes me SICK. speech over, lol peace out For me, people who have no issue with taking as much as they can from someone else lacks integrity in their character. I opened a thread about it here a while ago and I found out that a lot of people really have no problem taking advantage of others if they can get away with it. Very saddening.
january2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Simple behavioural science - if you manifest the reward every time, the subject is going to expect it every time. Only time will tell whether she is 1 or 2 in your list. Learn to say no and fix your people-picker.
catgotyourtongue Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 For me, people who have no issue with taking as much as they can from someone else lacks integrity in their character. I opened a thread about it here a while ago and I found out that a lot of people really have no problem taking advantage of others if they can get away with it. Very saddening. I agree, I totally agree and I see it a lot. I don't want to thread jack too much, so won't write another novel, but I So AGREE. Here is to having a conscience. This is why I get let down so often, most peeps don't really put someone else first, or equal, they want it their way, at their convenience. BLAH...integrity, what's that? lol. I am not perfect, farthest from it, but I am mindful and aware.....that is a good place to start. g'nite
Eeyore79 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Me: I think you forgot I am still paying legal fees and have NO items for my kids under the tree. You really expect me to give you $ to gamble... you'll have to use your $. Ohh, she is definitely a bad egg. If a guy told me he had no money for his kids Xmas I would feel so guilty allowing him to spend money on me! I'd probably suggest we stay home so he could use the money to buy gifts for the kiddies. The fact that she even allowed you to spend money on her when she knew you couldn't afford gifts for your kids is a huge red flag. What kind of bitch would spend your money on herself and let little kids go without Christmas presents?!
musemaj11 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I agree, I totally agree and I see it a lot. I don't want to thread jack too much, so won't write another novel, but I So AGREE. Here is to having a conscience. This is why I get let down so often, most peeps don't really put someone else first, or equal, they want it their way, at their convenience. BLAH...integrity, what's that? lol. I am not perfect, farthest from it, but I am mindful and aware.....that is a good place to start. g'nite Its exhilarating to know that somewhere in this world there actually exists a woman who shares the same belief as mine.
that girl Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I'm not surprised that when the OP pointed out how sexy a dress was, his girlfriend suggested he buy it for her. If she's going to be wearing it because he likes it enough to point it out, why should she pay for it? It is different than if she randomly asked him to buy her clothes. I do not understand why you would be going out at all if your children have no Christmas gifts. It is easy to be critical of a woman who suggests the more expensive bar, but I can't imagine anything non-necessary before your own children's gifts. I checked the OP's recent posts and he also texted a woman he had been on three dates with a question about the carpets matching the drapes, which I find really inapprorpriate. She understandably got pissed. Rather than thinking, "Oh, maybe she's a bit shy or I crossed the line" he decided to tell her they had no chemistry (which does save her the trouble of dumping him, so win for her). Sorry OP, but you don't sound like a winner and I'm not shocked you end up with less than nice women. Nice women don't pull this stuff, but you don't act like you want a nice woman.
sweetjasmine Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 WTF.. what would LS do? Personally, if I had to sell jewelry to keep my head above water and couldn't by my own kids Christmas present because of serious financial problems, I would refrain from going out and hitting bars with anyone, much less someone who expects to be catered to financially. If I were in that much trouble, I sure as sh-t wouldn't be going out on dates, but that's just my style. I'm very conservative when it comes to money.
Els Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I'm not surprised that when the OP pointed out how sexy a dress was, his girlfriend suggested he buy it for her. If she's going to be wearing it because he likes it enough to point it out, why should she pay for it? It is different than if she randomly asked him to buy her clothes. I do not understand why you would be going out at all if your children have no Christmas gifts. It is easy to be critical of a woman who suggests the more expensive bar, but I can't imagine anything non-necessary before your own children's gifts. I checked the OP's recent posts and he also texted a woman he had been on three dates with a question about the carpets matching the drapes, which I find really inapprorpriate. She understandably got pissed. Rather than thinking, "Oh, maybe she's a bit shy or I crossed the line" he decided to tell her they had no chemistry (which does save her the trouble of dumping him, so win for her). Sorry OP, but you don't sound like a winner and I'm not shocked you end up with less than nice women. Nice women don't pull this stuff, but you don't act like you want a nice woman. Agreed, agreed, agreed and agreed.
Woggle Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 If you give gambling money to a woman when you are struggling yourself you are partly to blame. Nobody forced you to do this.
Mutant Debutante Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 So, my bf likes sexy dresses and lingerie sometimes, too. He knows I don't have a lot of money, and since he's the one who wants to see me wearing that stuff, he buys it for me. Since he buys it, I wear it. Easy peasy. I spend my money on clothes I NEED to keep myself warm or for work, not little expensive pieces of silk he's going to rip off or, um, stain. Also, dude, do you seriously not have any presents for your kids? That's beyond lame. I think it's funny that you seem to expect her to care more about money for your kids' presents than YOU do. As I said before, I don't have a lot of cash for holidays, either...but I made decorating the house and presents a huge priority for my little sisters who live with me. I have spent weeks baking and making my own decorations and sewing their presents myself, what have you been doing...taking women out on dates hoping to get laid, and then b*tching about the money you spend? She doesn't sound like the classiest chick, yeah, ok...but you don't sound like the classiest guy in the world yourself. Since you said yourself you did get laid and you figure thats a good Return On Investment, I'm not sure what you're complaining about? And she did say you guys could stay in and not go anywhere, and she still laid you after you said you weren't going to spend any money, so she's meeting you halfway, right? Maybe you want her buy the sexy dress to make you happy, then pay for your dinner, buy your kids their presents, and then take you home, give you a striptease and a blowjob before staying up all night knitting you a scarf for christmas? I mean sure, we'd all like some version of that, I think.
Author alexlakeman Posted December 25, 2010 Author Posted December 25, 2010 Ok, I am not going to disclose my financials, but my specific question on the original post was about her, not weather I was a d.ick with my kids by not buying them presents, etc... THAT's what she heard, but not necessarily the facts... So for the record, out of MY pocket... The older one got a new laptopThe younger one got the hand me down laptop from older brother (Original laptop not from my pocket ) AND new Iphone; $ trail back to my pocket.. So yes, they recieved material gifts for x-mas from me, of course, lol Back on topic merry x-mas
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