smk Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I havent posted on here in a while and seeing all the new faces and reading of all the heartbreak happening I thought I would share some positive words... I broke up with my ex a little over 6 months ago - and this was 2 weeks after moving in with her (despite everyone's advice).... Anyways after my break I was a complete wreck like a lot of the people on here (I mean no offense to anyone - but lets be honest)... I thought that my life was over and that there was no point in living anymore, etc... I am sure that everyone here knows the drill and routine... I didnt go NC straight away and thought that by being in her life things would eventually work out again (they didn't)... Anyways I did everything imaginable to try and take my mind off her - from drinking like there was no tomorrow, through to seeing a therapist, to going out and partying excessively, to working out at the gym manically, to sleeping around, to even making a whole new set of friends - yet at the end of the day she was always on my mind - none of that helped... Yes some of the things did make a positive change to my life (like the gym) yet others did nothing to crush the hurt I was feeling... I threw myself into work and got a promotion and a pay rise - I look great but there was always something missing and that was (not her) but the companionship that I had so gotten used to... My mind didn't know how to suddenly deal with the loss of that and thats what was setting me back and stopping me from moving on (and I can assure you that what you crave is not the person but the companionship)... You see when you are in a relationship that becomes comfortable and your mind adapts and accepts that comfort as normality - and then when you break up it refuses to acknowledge the loss - and my friends the only thing that will move you forward is time. However its not just plain sailing there is work involved from you as well - you need to go NC - you need to cut out that person completely from your life - I agree your break up may have been amicable but both the dumper and the dumpee need to realise and accept that they need to spend some time away from each other cos thats the only way that you will heal that broken heart. I went NC after a while - and I will be honest I am not fully over her - I still do have my moments of weakness where I miss her - I do still get the occasional nostalgic pangs whenever I go to places that had a memory for us - but now my mind has adapted to the change of not having her there. Its taken me almost 6 months to get here but hey if I can do it so can you... For some people they may reach this point in a few weeks, others may take a few months and some may even take a few years - but this much I can tell you - there is light at the end of the tunnel... There is a quote I read somewhere on LS - "When you hit rock bottom, the only way left is up" - this rings true... Things will get better, you will meet someone down the road who will love you and care about more than your ex, and this someone will make you happy - till then you just gotta trudge along with life and keep on meeting people... As a final note - get out of your comfort zone, do things you wouldn't do normally - change your routine, let your mind get used to change then change things again - it will make the process so much easier... With that I wish all of you good luck - this is just a crappy hand in the poker game of life - and be assured you will get your fair share of good hands and bad hands.... Be strong my fellow LS'ers - there is light out there... The future is bright - the future is what you want it to be...
january2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Thanks for coming back to post your story.
alwayshoping Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 lovely post thank you, it really helps to know there are examples of people feeling better. I think its true what you really miss is the companionship the most!
goldenrainbow Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Thank you so much for posting and glad you are doing so much better and I can assure you that what you crave is not the person but the companionship Couldn't agree more
Author smk Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 I still pop by every now and then - this board is the one thing that really helped me get over my ex and I got some great advice on here... @alwayshopping - it took me a long time to realise that it wasnt so much her I as missing as it was the companionship and also the fact that the break threw me completely out of my comfort zone... sometimes life isnt all peachy - but its how we deal with it that truly makes us the person we are and gives us the life that we truly want... I for one have come out of this much stronger - sure I may have become a much more closed person than I was before but it showed me that in life you will have your ups and downs - and I believe that maybe she came into my life to serve a purpose and now that she has served it, it was simply time to move on... I am no longer angry or bitter - I know she is for whatever reason - but hey thats life and who knows if its meant to be then our paths may cross again and if not - I know I will meet someone down the road... I have learnt that a break up is your chance in life to really make changes to your life - it gives you the chance to really do all the things that you would normally put off...
alwayshoping Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 very true smk. Its the companionship I miss the most, and as for being thrown out of your comfort zone, well I know that all too well. I think in time you see the relationship for what it was, and not what you thought it was during the relationship, ie in most cases unhealthy and not 50-50. In essence people tend to settle as they don't want to break the relationship as they will miss the comfort/support/intimacy. When in the end its actually for the best, because who wants to settle? Im so glad your doing better, so any how are you finding the dating scene? ready to put yourself back out there? Its awesome you have been selfless and come back to let everyone know it does get better so thank you. It gives me hope.
strangeways Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I for one have come out of this much stronger - sure I may have become a much more closed person than I was before but it showed me that in life you will have your ups and downs - and I believe that maybe she came into my life to serve a purpose and now that she has served it, it was simply time to move on... Same here. I've got more insight into myself from this relatively brief (13 month) relationship than I have from even my previous 10 year relationship. Nice to hear things are going good for you. I'm starting to get there and I agree about missing the companionship rather than the companion.
PegNosePete Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 and I can assure you that what you crave is not the person but the companionship Yep totally true! It is the person she used to be that I miss. The person she is now, I would not even want back.
Author smk Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 dating scene is still a little awkward - had a couple of one nighters that made me feel pretty crap after... i think right now i am at this stage where i am quite happy being on my own - as i said i still do from time to time miss having that someone but other than that I am actually quite happy just being... i am still keeping my options open - if i do meet someone then great but not really actively looking... what about you??? are you on the dating scene yet??? @strangeways - sometimes the briefest of relationships give you the most insight - mine was only 6 months long - but in that time i moved in and we had the wedding planned...LOL... @ pete - good to see you buddy...
alwayshoping Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I'm not dating yet to be honest! I'm waiting for someone I have chemistry with before taking the plunge. There have been 2 girls I felt something with but decided just to feel good about myself first! There is someone I may ask out after my exams in jan! I'm not sure yet though! I'm glad your taking it easy and seeing what happens, I think I'm taking the same approach, I really don't want the next girl to suffer from my past relationship so it's only fair to her and me that I heal for a little while longer!
Author smk Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 I really don't want the next girl to suffer from my past relationship so it's only fair to her and me that I heal for a little while longer! my sentiments exactly... I just dont think it would be fair for someone else to have to deal with my baggage (and there is still a little left)... Personally - i have learnt that post break up is a good time to re-evaluate what matters to you both as a person as well as in a relationship - that way when the next one comes along you know where you are....
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