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Urgent: Need to know before she wakes up tomorrow morning

fitandalertbrain

By fitandalertbrain
in General Relationship Discussion

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fitandalertbrain Member

fitandalertbrain

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Me and my girlfriend live together. From the past two months we have been arguing over everything and we have arguments everyday. We havent had sex in over a week.

 

Last night we were in somewhat of an "OK" mood after we argued during the morning for about 3 hours. She was going through my computer and found some bookmarks to porn websites. And she started opening them in front of me and said "so you watch porn". I told her that its been from a long time ago before I even met her but she does not believe me. Her mood has completely changed since then. We live in the same house and Im making a few attempts to talk to her and she has been ignoring me and I ask her whats wrong or if she is upset with me she would give lame excuses like nothings wrong, shes feeling sleepy or is thinking about her business.

 

During the course of events I did several mistakes: I kissed her ass and asked her "whats wrong" several times.

Another mistake: I got frustrated and angered by her behavior

 

Both of these responses have made her get more moody.

 

Tonight she has gone to bed without even saying goodnight or asked me to join me to sleep next to her.

 

How do I handle this situation best? More importantly I want to know when she starts acting weird or distant, what can I do to make those feelings in her go away?

january2010 Established Member

january2010

Posted
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It sounds like something is playing on her mind. You haven't really been getting on for the last two months and the porn may just be the last straw. It's difficult to tell.

 

I suggest one last attempt at communication along the lines of, "I'd like to clear the air between us. When's a good time to sit down and talk?"

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fitandalertbrain Member

fitandalertbrain

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Long time ago she once told me out of the blue that she thinks people who watch porn are abusers and she dislikes them since they are the kind of people who have violence in their lives and are alcoholics and druggies. She most certainly thinks watching porn leads to violent behavior so she has started getting scared of me.

january2010 Established Member

january2010

Posted
Posted

People can and do change their minds when exposed to a real life situation that's directly in front of them rather than a hypothetical one that they might never have to experience.

 

I'm not saying that's definitely the case here but you do need to clear the air with her and talk to her directly about this rather than making assumptions about what she might or might not be thinking right now.

creighton0123 Established Member

creighton0123

Posted
Posted
Long time ago she once told me out of the blue that she thinks people who watch porn are abusers and she dislikes them since they are the kind of people who have violence in their lives and are alcoholics and druggies. She most certainly thinks watching porn leads to violent behavior so she has started getting scared of me.

 

A significant portion (>30%) of Internet traffic is pornographic material. She has an irrational and uninformed opinion of pornography. She sounds immature.

 

You watch porn... so what? It's quite similar to thinking about sex when masturbating...

 

She most likely doesn't realize that the majority of men (and perhaps even women) she encounters watches some form of pornography on a regular or habitual basis.

 

She might hold the same opinion of people who listen to heavy metal... Get out while you still can.

RealGee New Member

RealGee

Posted
Posted (edited)

I hate to be so simplistic but it is very apparent that you guys are not made for each other.

 

Or perhaps just met at the wrong time in your lives. No need to overthink this.

 

One cannot project their insecurities on someone esle. Period. Yes, so what if you were watching porn?? Before her, now or tomorrow? Why would this bother her. The real issue is that she is insecure and looking for you to make it all better. There is no way you will ever be able to do this. She is not for you, or ready for a serious relationship. It sounds like you might have gone too fast in moving in together.

Edited by RealGee
Karma20 Established Member

Karma20

Posted
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Sounds like you two have deeper problems than you realize. My advice is take some space so you can both clear your head and then sit down and talk it out. The longer you two go without communicating about the issues the worse it will become and could lead to breaking up.

Feelin Frisky Established Member

Feelin Frisky

Posted
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If you're not ready to leave her I suggest giving her the silent treatment of a lifetime. And, look happy about it. Call your friends on the phone and nyuck it up like you haven't a care in the world. Don't give it. Tough tooties on her. Don't budge and keep at it until she's had enough and wants to move on or talk. If she stays like she is now, it will be her doing and you will have to take it from there as to whether or not this is over. Silent her @ss out.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
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Just tell her you two need to talk and her ignoring you isn't the way to handle things. The porn issue obviously has upset her because of her views on it, and she may be looking at you in a different light now. Anyway, try to talk to her, and if she refuses, then let her know that you are going to stay with a friend for a few days and allow her time and space to think, and that you don't want to be around her since she's ignoring you.

 

Obviously communication is a problem, she seems to have no skills.

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