Problems sleeping [not sex] with your SO?

[Confusedalways]

Has anyone ever had trouble sleeping-- literally sleeping-- with your SO?

 

We have great sex, cuddling is great, naps are fine since they're generally short-- but when it comes to sleeping the entire night through, I have problems.

 

I brought it up to him, he says he has a hard time sleeping too, but seemingly not as much as I have. He wakes up 2-3 times a night, I wake up literally 1 or 2 times per hour when I'm with him. Alone, I wake up either never or once a night at max. He's confident we will "get it" eventually. We basically agreed we're both really concerned about waking the other up in the middle of the night, don't want to make the other uncomfortable, etc.

 

He's a big guy, I'm about average sized (he's 6'5" about 260 lbs, I'm 5'5" and about 155 lbs). I love sleeping next to/ with him, but I hate that I don't get a good nights sleep when we're together.

 

I guess I'm wondering if I'm alone in this, and what anyone may have done to fix this?! Is this just something that can only be solved by getting a bigger bed, or do you think we will eventually be able to jive(currently both of us have full sized beds).

 

Any stories, experiences, ideas helpful

[creighton0123]

You can try a number of things:

 

1. Don't take naps, even short ones and don't eat within half an hour of going to sleep.

2. Don't have any stimulants before bed

3. Don't have sex and expect to be able to fall asleep right away (especially if you're young).

4. Try rotating the bed to face different directions.

5. If you have two separate places, bring a few of your pillows to his place and vice versa.

6. Get two separate sets of blankets that each of you are comfortable with (my partner only requires a sheet. I require a comforter).

7. Figure out sleeping position. Typically, most people sleep facing the largest opening in the room. It can also be uncomfortable if you sleep while cuddling because your hair can bother him or his breath can bother you. I personally enjoy legs overlapping and sleeping at a diagonal.

8. Don't be concerned about waking up your partner. It happens.

9. Figure out air circulation and white noise. Do either of you like a fan blowing over the bed or soft music playing? If one can sleep with either, then do it. White noise like a fan can help most people.

10. Get a different bed frame. A full size bed should be enough for two people. If the bed makes noises, replace the frame for a platform style to avoid noise.

11. If there's any light snoring involved, think about using nose strips. They not only help with breathing, but can reduce noise. Both aid in sleeping.

 

EDIT: 12. Don't sleep naked. It can be VERY distracting :-P

 

Things like this usually get better, especially when both of you don't care whether you accidentally wake the other person up and care more about getting a good night's sleep :-)

 

Some couples can't sleep together. Some take time to adjust. Some sleep through the night since day one. You're most likely in the middle.

[Star Gazer]

I have this problem in every new relationship, without fail. It takes a good 3 months of regular dating and sleep overs before I'm comfortable enough to sleep well. It sucks.

 

I noticed a couple weekends ago when I shared a hotel room with a newish girlfriend (2 beds, obviously) that I couldn't sleep with her in the room either, and neither could she. We were all too aware of the other's presence and tossing and turning.

 

I think it's a comfort level thing.

[carhill]

It's kind of odd but, as a really light sleeper conditioned to sleeping alone for many years, I had no problem transitioning to 'sleeping' with women. My only real issue with my exW was her snoring, which I solved with ear plugs. I don't recall ever not sleeping with her, even when we were having marital problems, as long as we were cohabiting; I never did that 'other bedroom' thing.

 

Make a king bed job one. Your man is big. Don't compromise on cost and get a queen. Trust me. He'll sleep better too.

 

When I was really stressed out taking care of my mom and had trouble sleeping at night, I'd take a sleep aid like melatonin and that really helped. My exW did too. Sleep deprivation is a killer. If you're waking up as often as you say, you're getting deprived of quality sleep.

 

Don't worry about bedroom 'furniture'. Get a good king bed (mattress/box springs) and stick it on a cheap steel frame or even on the ground. Add some nice comfy bedding and snooze the night away

[t0ri]

I have this problem in every new relationship, without fail. It takes a good 3 months of regular dating and sleep overs before I'm comfortable enough to sleep well. It sucks.

 

I think it's a comfort level thing.

 

Same here. I could not fall asleep for the longest time, and once I did, I was awakened by the faintest noise or movement. I got over it within 3 months also.

 

I agree it's a comfort thing, and you two being worried about waking the other or making them uncomfortable probably is a reason.

 

Have you been together for quite awhile?

[Star Gazer]

I agree it's a comfort thing, and you two being worried about waking the other or making them uncomfortable probably is a reason.

 

Totally. I'm a little bit of a mover/turner in my sleep. When sleeping with/near someone new, I'm hyper-alert of my movements, forcing myself not to move for fear of waking them up, which makes me stiff and uncomfortable and sleep never comes.

[Citizen Erased]

I need total silence from the other person. And I must sleep with a fan on. Too bad my fiancé is a snorer. I've never shared a room with someone that hasn't bugged me. My ex used to wait til I was asleep til he would sleep which I found rather nice.

[sb129]

My H snores and it still drives me nuts. I wear earplugs. Deluxe ones.

[TheBigQuestion]

I'm pretty much the same way. I don't particularly like sharing my bed in general.

[Confusedalways]

Same here. I could not fall asleep for the longest time, and once I did, I was awakened by the faintest noise or movement. I got over it within 3 months also.

 

I agree it's a comfort thing, and you two being worried about waking the other or making them uncomfortable probably is a reason.

 

Have you been together for quite awhile?

 

About 2 months. We only have sleepovers 2x or so a week. I am very comfortable with him, so I thought... haha. I'm soo glad to hear I'm not the only one with a problem, though.

[Feelin Frisky]

I need total silence from the other person. And I must sleep with a fan on. Too bad my fiancé is a snorer. I've never shared a room with someone that hasn't bugged me. My ex used to wait til I was asleep til he would sleep which I found rather nice.

 

Hey, I use a fan too. We should start a fan club (buh doomp boomp). Seriously, I am lost without my fan--silence is too silent.

 

But anyway OP, these sleep issues in relationships are not unusual. I suggest trying to live it out and see if it gets better. But if it doesn't and you still love each other, consider making a permanent place to escape one or the other when it's really disruptive. One g/f would gripe about me snoring--we lived together for 5 years. I had to put a bed in another room and either banish her there or go there myself depending if she was pissing me off too much to the point where I'd tell her to get the ef out (rather than me being kind enough to sacrifice).

 

In another relationship I coughed for months in bed with my g/f and she began to have contempt for me for it. Turns out I wasallergicc to her goose feather pillows. As soon I replaced them, we slept soundly. I eventually had contempt with her and that was that however. For one thing, she drooled. And she thought everyone just drooled all over their pillows. That's not why I decided I couldn't stand her though. Sleep well and make adjustments.