9Lives Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I believe that I have situational depression. My dad is terminally ill and this may be his last Christmas. Yes, I am directly involved in caring for him as well as supporting my parents financially. I don't write about this on LS... There are other things that I don't write about on here. I actually tried to find a guy so desperately because I know that seeing me settle down would make my dad happy before he died. I failed, and I think I should now just spend as much time with him as possible. The prospect of getting fired is also very real and hanging over my head - there are people that depend on me now. It's hard to be happy under these circumstances. Surealist, thank you for defending me. I appreciate your post more than you know [/quote Most of yall killed the happy question this thread askes so Im gonna unsubscribe
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I believe that I have situational depression. My dad is terminally ill and this may be his last Christmas. Yes, I am directly involved in caring for him as well as supporting my parents financially. Why didn't you include that in your OP? There very post that defines why you're unhappy? This is all hugely important. I hope you're spending as much time with your dad as possible right now. I'm sorry to hear it, OG. But I still want you to know, OG, that you can still find happiness, even despite all of that. I've been in your shoes, exactly as you've described above...including work troubles thrown in to the mix. I made my way, and you can too. But you have to fight for your own happiness. You really do. I hope you will?
Author OceanGirl Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Why didn't you include that in your OP? There very post that defines why you're unhappy? This is all hugely important. I hope you're spending as much time with your dad as possible right now. I'm sorry to hear it, OG. But I still want you to know, OG, that you can still find happiness, even despite all of that. I've been in your shoes, exactly as you've described above...including work troubles thrown in to the mix. I made my way, and you can too. But you have to fight for your own happiness. You really do. I hope you will? I didn't include it because I feel that this is private. Despite how much I post on here, the more something affects me the less I am likely to talk about it even on here.
anne1707 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 OG You cannot force yourself into a relationship in the hope that it will make your father happy. You are his little girl and he will know if it's forced. He would much rather you be single and enjoying life rather than compromising yourself to fit into some kind of perceived norm. As for your job - you are getting some good advice in your thread specifically relating to this. It probably is right to play down your concerns about this with your parents - not just because they have enough on at the moment but also because deep down I think you do realise you are imagining the worst possible outcome and that may well not happen. But if the worst did happen, your family will still love you. They will still be proud of you. They will not blame you.
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 But if the worst did happen, your family will still love you. They will still be proud of you. They will not blame you. Absolutely. And FWIW... I don't think all is lost with the work thing. I think you're being a lil' hyper-sensitive, understandably so.
Author OceanGirl Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 OG You cannot force yourself into a relationship in the hope that it will make your father happy. You are his little girl and he will know if it's forced. He would much rather you be single and enjoying life rather than compromising yourself to fit into some kind of perceived norm. As for your job - you are getting some good advice in your thread specifically relating to this. It probably is right to play down your concerns about this with your parents - not just because they have enough on at the moment but also because deep down I think you do realise you are imagining the worst possible outcome and that may well not happen. But if the worst did happen, your family will still love you. They will still be proud of you. They will not blame you. Thanks Anne. Yes, I don't talk to my parents about my work problems or any problems really. I try to be very positive around them and channel my negativity in different ways (i.e. LS). They don't know anything about my failed dates either.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I am maintaining well at around a 7. I have frequent forays into the higher as well as the lower digits depending upon circumstances and chemistry. I have had a lifelong battle with depression, so I do understand how one can feel like crap even without any actual doom happening in their life. Depression is not really connected with the factual world. "Acting as if" does help, as one of you already posted. Acting happy, strangely, does produce endorphins and helps to create a positive mental state. I also believe strongly in looking at all the gifts in my life when I'm getting into that black tunnel.
anne1707 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Don't hide everything from them. That is too much of a burden for you plus they will suspect. They are there for you even under these difficult circumstances just as you are there for them.
Cracker Jack Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Glad you're good, SG. That was scary to read. Experiences such as yours really does put life into perspective. As for me, I would say I'm about a 6 or a 7. I mean, I never had a chance to go on a date with a woman this yr, which means I've done nothing with a woman at all. Pretty lame. I really wanted to do better in that area, but unfortunately I just seem to be lacking. Starting to think this is just who I am. It hurts, but I don't want to continue basing my happiness on whether I have a woman or not. It just makes me feel like I'm less of a person when I do that, tho being 23 and never having a girlfriend, time doesn't seem to be on my side. All I can do is hope for a better yr in 2011 and go from there.
sumdude Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I believe that I have situational depression. My dad is terminally ill and this may be his last Christmas. Yes, I am directly involved in caring for him as well as supporting my parents financially. I don't write about this on LS... There are other things that I don't write about on here. I actually tried to find a guy so desperately because I know that seeing me settle down would make my dad happy before he died. I failed, and I think I should now just spend as much time with him as possible. The prospect of getting fired is also very real and hanging over my head - there are people that depend on me now. It's hard to be happy under these circumstances. Surealist, thank you for defending me. I appreciate your post more than you know Hang in there OceanGirl. You're going through one of the hardest parts of life. You're awesome being there for your folks! You're doing the right thing. Mad props.:bunny:
sb129 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I believe that I have situational depression. My dad is terminally ill and this may be his last Christmas. Yes, I am directly involved in caring for him as well as supporting my parents financially. I don't write about this on LS... There are other things that I don't write about on here. I actually tried to find a guy so desperately because I know that seeing me settle down would make my dad happy before he died. I failed, and I think I should now just spend as much time with him as possible. I am really sorry to hear about your dad. I lost mine last year, and it was incredibly sad. He didn't get to meet my daughter. We did however try to make his last weeks comfortable and happy. Just being with him and talking about happier times helped. You haven't "failed", don't think of it like that. Anne puts it so well here: OG You cannot force yourself into a relationship in the hope that it will make your father happy. You are his little girl and he will know if it's forced. He would much rather you be single and enjoying life rather than compromising yourself to fit into some kind of perceived norm. As for your job - you are getting some good advice in your thread specifically relating to this. It probably is right to play down your concerns about this with your parents - not just because they have enough on at the moment but also because deep down I think you do realise you are imagining the worst possible outcome and that may well not happen. But if the worst did happen, your family will still love you. They will still be proud of you. They will not blame you. OG, your dad will be SO proud of your achievements to date. a PhD! Thats amazing- and you did that all on your own. You remind me of myself a little. We are the same age, but I went through a little of what you are doing about 12 years ago when my brother had an accident that left him permanently disabled. I spent alot of time drinking and multi dating, with pretty disastrous results. That period lasted about 7-8 years and culminated in a very very dark period which ultimately led to my clinical depression and the reason why I joined LS. Don't make the same mistakes OG, you are smarter than I was then. If you need help, see your GP- the terminal illness of a loved one is a HUGE burden to bear, and nobody would think you were less of a person if you needed help to get through this time. Alcohol is terrible- I was pregnant when my dad died and I think that was a blessing in disguise because I couldn't drink my way through it. Be careful of your consumption- you know it only makes you feel worse in the long run. Be kind to yourself. Do things that are good for YOU. Eat well, get enough sleep, don't drink too much, exercise- all of those things are going to make you better equipped to deal with things that come your way and will also help stave off real depression. Maybe taking some time out from dating is a good idea- less stress, one less thing for you to worry about.
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Glad you're good, SG. That was scary to read. Experiences such as yours really does put life into perspective. Thanks. It's hard not to keep things in perspective given the experience. I keep counting my blessings.
Author OceanGirl Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Star, Any chance of us making peace before Christmas? I forgive you for anything that you said that I took as mean (even if you didn't intend it to be that way).. Can you forgive me for the same?
welikeincrowds Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 right now i'm around a zero oh yeah, right there with you bro
Art_Critic Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 right now i'm around a zero Hey Alpha... Here's a bunny for you ...
Ariadne Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 OceanGirl, Any chance of us making peace before Christmas? I forgive you for anything that you said that I took as mean (even if you didn't intend it to be that way).. Can you forgive me for the same?
Eeyore79 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I am definitely much happier than I've been for many years I have a great boyfriend, and I have hopes that the relationship might be going somewhere. The course I was studying has finished and I passed. My parents are in good health and I'll get to see them at Christmas. I have a lovely dog, fun hobbies, and some good people in my life. On the down side, I am currently unemployed and looking for a job, and worried about whether I'll find one. I don't have any close friends, although I am lucky in that I have a good few acquaintances, and at least I have my boyfriend. So those negative things probably knock my overall happiness down a few notches to maybe a 6, which is still pretty good considering that a couple of years ago I was depressed to the point of feeling suicidal. I think I have the potential to be at least a 9 within the next year or two if I get a job and my relationship works out
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Star, Any chance of us making peace before Christmas? I forgive you for anything that you said that I took as mean (even if you didn't intend it to be that way).. Can you forgive me for the same? Of course.
Author OceanGirl Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Of course. Thank you I appreciate any kindness that comes my way.
Author OceanGirl Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 OceanGirl, Any chance of us making peace before Christmas? I forgive you for anything that you said that I took as mean (even if you didn't intend it to be that way).. Can you forgive me for the same? Ariadne, I forgive you. I do believe that in your heart you had good intentions. I hope that you are doing well
Ariadne Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My best Christmas ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x 1000000000000000000000000 :love::love::love: Merry Christmas to you and all the world!!!!!!!!!
USCGAviator Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I'd have to say about a 9. I'm always enjoying the day and I make the best and see alot of humor in the bad days.....life is good single or not
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Thank you I appreciate any kindness that comes my way. I just watched an interview of Michelle Williams, and something she said reminded me of you. Particularly with your new name, OceanGirl. At one point during the interview, she said she felt like water. Strong enough to hold up a ship, but weak enough to slip through your fingers. As cheesy as it sounds, you don't have to be both. You can choose to be the ocean (strong enough to hold up a ship), or tap water (weak enough to slip through your fingers). You have it in you to be the ocean, OG. You do. You just have to think of yourself that way. The way your parents do.
Author OceanGirl Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 I just watched an interview of Michelle Williams, and something she said reminded me of you. Particularly with your new name, OceanGirl. At one point during the interview, she said she felt like water. Strong enough to hold up a ship, but weak enough to slip through your fingers. As cheesy as it sounds, you don't have to be both. You can choose to be the ocean (strong enough to hold up a ship), or tap water (weak enough to slip through your fingers). You have it in you to be the ocean, OG. You do. You just have to think of yourself that way. The way your parents do. Heh, I like cheesy I think it's quite lovely actually. I feel like the ocean.
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