IfiKnewThen Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 its been 2 days since he married. and i just miss him. his friendship..the hope the possibility. i was so isolated with this stupid disability and parents gone daughter grown..he was my best friend for 10 years. he doesnt know i know he got married. we just spoke wednesday too. and he didnt mention a word of it. its a long story. i am not going to make it longer. he was great gave it his all. i was highly stressed with cumulative stresses. one thing after another.... i blew it period. i cant stop hating myself and kicking myself. and we could have been friends this 6 months if i wasnt so afraid of talking to him, in plain language how i felt after he ended it 6 months ago. 6 months now married. but i know he was unhappy a long time but not so obvious that i really thought he would end it. he kept everything in. i am rambling. he even kept it in that he was now getting married. now i am just thinking of what to post on my away message to get his attention to call me. so i can have some final words and closure. his bride i belive went back to her country till she can be a full time resident in this country. i see him online..but dare not talk to him. incase she is still thewre with him. but who is online on chat and email during their honeymoon day and night. i think it was a one day thing. i found out accidently on twitter he got married. anyway i want to get his attention to call me. to talk to him for 15 mins. have closure. cant write to him or text he gets alerts. not trying to do anything bad. just want to talk to him even congratualte him. yes its true. i want to do that. how will i go on not crying. i cant stop. i think of something and bam..or see something and bam..or its all there. and the regret is the absolute worst. omg why didnt i treat him like gold and the king he was
january2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I'm sorry that you're going through this. The crying helps. It's traumatic but you need to get it out of your system. It sounds like you've been holding onto the hope and possibility all this time. The occasional contact has fed into this. Therefore, I recommend cutting off all contact so that you can regain control over your emotions. And then you can congratulate him, if you still want to.
Author IfiKnewThen Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 thank you january. i had been holding on to hope. and i am not sure it was the occasional contact as i dont think i handled that right. i think we needed more contact and even better the RIGHT contact. what i think matters now more than anything is the right contact. when you love someone let them know they are loved. all this pride and worry and tip toeing around...is no good. in the bible it says God doesnt give us the spirit of fear. its more of hope and love and i think we need to act on those things. i am cewrtain he would have had a change of heart then. i wasnt more direct. and worse when i had him my life i took it for granted. i think you can mess things up so much that someone wont come back to you. BUT if they really knew all along they were loved and you show them you know you were an idiot and are remorseful and really want to change...and ask them what you have to do to make that possible its possible they can return. but i know they have to be willing to listen. it took a lot out of him to walk away so it seems his mind was made up. i feel like such a loser. i mean serioulsy anyone to blow it with this guy...has to be a loser. thank you january...i will try to manage and be stronger. if you do pray..please remember me in your prayers. God bless you!
january2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 You can't go back and change the past. But you can learn from it and use that knowledge to take you forward. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you have found strength in your faith in the past, hold onto it. Let it guide you to a stronger and happier place.
Author IfiKnewThen Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 amen january your words are comforting. knowing people are there iS comforting even for the moment. thank you. hugs. thats all i have is my faith right now for strength just heard this on pbs and this song is speaking to me. as i cry....a river...
Leandro Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 You can't go back and change the past. But you can learn from it and use that knowledge to take you forward. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you have found strength in your faith in the past, hold onto it. Let it guide you to a stronger and happier place. ^^^^ I like this. Good advice. .
Chi townD Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Girl! Why are you doing this to yourself! Stop contacting him! Start to heal! Time to get yourself together. I know you feel like you're dying inside , but the more time you are away from him, it's gonna get better. I said this once and I'll say it again and again and again...... There's a man out there for you who completes you in every way possible and ways that you didn't even think possible, and he's looking for you. He's never gonna find you if you keep hoping for a guy that has clearly moved on.
Breakupguy12 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I say this over and over again, my friend, you just have to believe that time will heal the wounds. 6 months or a year down the line you may look at this post in awe of how far you've come. Just hang in there is all you can do at this point. If you've ever had your heart broken before, you should know this to be true.
Author IfiKnewThen Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 thank you chi town, break up and leandro and january i will come back here and use your words to get thru this. i dont know what else to do. i will make this note to myself ....all your words... 1) If you have found strength in your faith in the past, hold onto it. Let it guide you to a stronger and happier place. 2) The crying helps. It's traumatic but you need to get it out of your system. 3) Start to heal! Time to get yourself together. I know you feel like you're dying inside , but the more time you are away from him, it's gonna get better. 4) my friend, you just have to believe that time will heal the wounds. 6 months or a year down the line you may look at this post in awe of how far you've come. Just hang in there is all you can do at this point. If you've ever had your heart broken before, you should know this to be true. thank you God Bless. please Lord let me come back here someday and say. Wow i have come far. Please God...amen
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